Okay, so some stupid worthless piece of shit is has a bot set up to spam my comment section with rants about how 9/11 was a conspiracy. This person can fuck off and die. If anyone sees a comment like that here please email me right away so I can burn it in the fires of Mount Doom. Anyone who posts comments telling me how right this guy is will also be put on my list of people who will face thy wrath.

That is all. Now enjoy the music.

Wow, so it turns out I’m an idiot. I long suspected as much but I got confirmation today via a comment:

…why mono and not stereo?…

I always thought my recordings were in stereo. Turns out they aren’t. Turns out when I hooked up my new turntable I crossed two wires. Not the RCA ones (I’m not THAT stupid) but the cables going to my external soundcard. In my defense those cables are not marked at all, they are just green, beige and black with no labels on them (thanks Alienware). So yeah, everything I’ve recorded since the beginning of the year has come out mono. Thankfully, only one of you noticed. I’m not going to re-record them because quite frankly, I don’t care that much and I already re-recorded a ton of crap I had once due to The Great Hard Drive Crash of ’07.

Sigh.

At least the same comments section proved that I’m not the only idiot:

I have been hunting for a Devo song for years – it appeared in the movie Tapeheads in the 80’s. It’s the “Swedish” version of Baby doll. I’m not sure if you take requests but this would be a great one to put up.

I’ve warned you all twice now. From now on any requests like the one above will by severely mocked…and then mocked once more.

I recorded these before I discovered the monofuck up (wow, monofuck is an awesome word), so don’t bitch about it.

Red Hot Chili Peppers
Give It Away Now (12” Mix)
Give It Away Now (Rasta Mix)
If You Have To Ask (Disco Krisco Mix)
I can’t do that thing that he does with his tongue. No, not that thing, I can do that just fine (you know what I mean ladies, you know…meh, forget it). I’m talking about that rolling thing he does. That’s so cool. I can’t even pronounce my Rs, let alone roll them – or any other letter for that matter.

Prince
17 Days (The rain will come down, then U will have 2 choose. If u believe look 2 the dawn and I shall never loose.)
It took me longer to type that title than it did to listen to the fucking song. This is the B-side to ‘When Doves Cry’.

Madonna
Vogue (12” Mix)
Vogue (Bette Davis Dub)
Vogue (Strike-A-Pose Dub)
And now as part of my continuing effort to make my blog FABULOUS here are some classic Madonna tracks.

I went to a record show this morning and picked up some pretty killer shit. There wasn’t a lot of 80s stuff there unfortunately but I still was able to make out with some nice 12” singles – you’ll be slowly seeing them on the site over the next week or two.

I’ve been noticing a theme in my comment section of late that I really have to nip in the butt right now. Don’t ask me if I have a certain song by Your Favorite Artist – because I probably don’t. I think some people imagine I’m sitting on a throne of 12” singles and I casually pull one out from under my ass and put it online. Everything I have (that isn’t easily available on CD) eventually makes it here. f I don’t have it I’m not going to buy it just because you want it. So, to sum up…don’t ask me for Pat Benatar singles, go to eBay.

Devo
The Theme From Doctor Detroit
The Theme From Doctor Detroit (Dance Mix)
Luv-Luv
Q: Are We Not Men? A: We Are Dan Aykroyd!
Doctor Detroit came out on DVD last year sometime and I really have to get around to watching it. It stars Dan Aykroyd as a college professor who is conned by a bunch of high-class call girls and their pimp (Howard Hesseman!!) into helping them escape the clutches of an evil mob boss by appearing as the pimp’s made-up associate, Doctor Detroit. Oh, and James Brown is in it too. Strangely, the movie is set in Chicago. ‘The Theme From Doctor Detroit’ is only available on Devo’s greatest hits collection, the dance remix and ‘Luv-Luv’ are a lot harder to come by.

Kraftwerk
The Telephone Call (Remix)
House Phone
Der Telefon Anruf (German Version)
This is the only band nerdier than Devo. ‘House Phone’ is a strangely-named remix of ‘The Telephone Call.’ All three mixes are worth downloading in my opinion.

The Other Two
Tasty Fish (Pascal Mix 12”)
Tasty Fish (O.T. Mix)
Stephen Morris and Gilliam Gilbert of New Order are The Other Two. This song by them is probably one of the catchiest tunes I have ever heard. I don’t think it’s about a particularly delicious mackerel, however.

I’m putting up some old-skool rap in celebration of Grandmaster Flash & The furious Five getting in the Rock N’ Roll Hall Of Fame earlier this week. I miss the old-skool rap sound and not just because I could never get behind hardcore gangsta rap lyrics. I think that artists like Public Enemy, Slick Rick and the immortal Run DMC had more style and pure rhyming skills than anyone since. Besides, rap songs about fucking bitches, shooting motherfuckers and getting rich are getting real old. I also miss the time when the MC and DJ mattered more than the fucking producer.

Jaz (Featuring Jay-Z)
Hawaiian Sophie (Punch It Mix)
Hawaiian Sophie (Sophie’s Mix)
Hawaiian Sophie (Hula Dub)
Pumpin’
Proof that everyone has to start somewhere, this forgotten single from “The Jaz” is the first record ever to feature Jay Z (credited here as Jay Zee). But get your hopes up for some amazing old-skool prequel to ‘Hard Knock Life’ as The Jigga makes little more than a one-line cameo in each of these songs. At least the record features that amazing picture of Jay Z sporting the fade and that totally not-garish-at-all gold rope chain. I hope no one from Rockafella comes to whack me for putting that picture up. Silly as it is ‘Hawaiian Sophie’ is actually a pretty good tune and is definitely one that’ll be stuck in your head for a while. It’s sure as hell better than ‘Show Me What You Got.’

DJ Jazzy Jeff & The Fresh Prince
Girls Ain’t Nothing But Trouble (Radio Mix)
Girls Ain’t Nothing But Trouble (Instrumental Mix)
Girls Ain’t Nothing But Trouble (Def Mix)
Girls Ain’t Nothing But Trouble (Def Beat)
This was the duo’s very first single, released on Word-Up Records months before they were signed to a major label (the song also appeared on their first major label record Rock The House). Will Smith used to get a lot of flack from ‘hardcore’ rappers over his family-friendly lyrics and goofy style but I think his early shit was more ‘real’ than 90 percent of the gangsta crap that came out around the same time. Listen to ‘Summertime’ and try to tell me that track still isn’t one of the all-time greatest party jams. Even if you think Smith’s rhymes are corny and dated, you can’t knock the amazing turntable skills of DJ Jazzy Jeff. The Def Mix features some especially well-done scratches.

I like to write a little something before I get into the songs. Sometimes I can relate it to the music I’m posting, which is nice and convenient. Usually it’s just random bullshit and complaining. Usually I sit down in front of my computer and start typing the first thing that pops in my head, then I delete that because it’s usually a hate-filled manifesto that’ll get me put on some sort of government list. Then I try again and it’s usually some stupid trite shit that no one but my mom would care about….

And then there’s the times where I got nothing to say but I just feel like killing time while I wait for the songs to upload to my server…

Prince
She’s Always In My Hair (New Mix)
U Got The Look (Long Look)
Housequake (7 Minute MoQuake)
She’s Always In My Hair was the B-side to ‘Raspberry Beret’ and I’m sure I never heard it before but I recognized that lyric. It was driving me nuts until I realized that Outkast sampled/covered on Speakerboxxx/The Love Below. That’s about the 20th time I’ve recognized a Prince song that I’ve never heard before because of someone else’s cover/sample that I heard first. Damn that little funky fucker gets around.

Nitzer Ebb
Join In The Chant (Burn!)
Join In The Chant (Gold!)
Join In The Chant (Lies!)
I’m a miserable bastard that hates damn near everyone on the planet, but even I think these are a bit much. Damn guys, have a cookie or something.

Robert Plant
Tall Cool One (Extended Mix)
Heaven Knows (Astral Mix)
What the fuck does “Lighten up baby I’m in love with you!” mean? How the fuck did Robert Plant go from ‘The Lemon Song’ to ‘Tall Cool One’? Who the fuck is rapping in this extended mix? And why are there random audio samples strewn about for no apparent reason? The 80s gave us so many unanswered questions…

Okay, time to kick it with some new shit. Honoring the requests was fun and all but I’d much rather listen to music I haven’t heard before instead of rehashing stuff I’ve already talked about. So anyone that sends me a request to repost something in the near future will get a serious ass-whooping by a very tall man with a very short temper (that’s me, btw). That’s not an idle threat either, I got a lot of free time with which I will hunt you down.

And now that I threatened my entire audience, here’s some good music.

Prince
Irresistible Bitch
Little Red Corvette (Dance Remix)
Raspberry Beret (New Mix)
Get funky with the sexy motherfucker! ‘Irresistible Bitch’ is the B-side to the Tipper Gore-enraging ‘Let’s Pretend We’re Married’ while these two remixes were taken off of their respective singles. These are just a few of the Prince tracks I’ll be putting up over the next few days.

Ministry
The Nature Of Love
The Nature Of Love (Cruelty Mix)
This synth-heavy dance track and its remix might not sound like the Ministry that many of you know and love, but they’re a hell of a lot better than anything on Rio Grande Blood.

Pearl Jam
Love, Reign O’er Me
Rockin’ In The Free World (Live With U2)
If you’re a Pearl Jam fan and aren’t a member of Ten Club you are missing out. Not only do you get first dibs on concert tickets to every one of their shows but you also get a bitchin’ fan club single (on vinyl) each year. I just got mine today and felt like sharing. ‘Love, Reign O’er Me’ is a cover of a song by The Who and is also on the soundtrack to that new Adam Sandler movie Reign Over Me. The B-side is a great version of ‘Rockin’ In The Free World’ with U2 from an Australia concert last year.

These are the last of the reposts. If I didn’t get to your request I apologize, but I can only do so much! If you wanted something that’s on CD (like the KoRn remix) try Limewire or something and you should be able to find it. This is the first of two posts tonight, the second will be all new stuff. There’s some new stuff in here too, I don’t think I ever put up the B.A.D. b-side ‘I Wish I Were John Carpenter.’

Big Audio Dynamite (B.A.D.)
C’Mon Every Beatbox (Extended Vocal Version)
Badrock City
Beatbox At Dawn
James Brown (Remix)
If I Were John Carpenter
Just Play Music (Extended Mix)
Just Play Music (Remix)

Erasure
Sweet Sweet Baby (Moo Moo Mix)

I got a little sidetracked this weekend by a movie about Gladiators. Here’s a slightly delayed repost consisting a fuckload (which is even bigger than an assload or a crapload) of New Order songs. The instrumental B-side ‘Thieves Like Us’ was not posted before, and neither were the 80 bagillion remixes of ‘Someone Like you.’

Everything’s Gone Green (Cicada Remix)

Sister Ray (Live)

Fine Time (7 Inch Edit)
Fine Line
Fine Time (Silk Mix)
Fine Time (Messed Around Mix)
Don’t Do It

Round & Round (12” Version)
Round & Round (Club Mix)
Round & Round (12” Remix)
Best And Marsh

Shellshock (Extended Mix)
Thieves Like Us

Blue Monday 1988 Remix
Touched By The Hand Of God (Remix)

Someone Like You (Futureshock Vox Remix)
Someone Like You (Funk D’Void Remix)
Someone Like You (Gabriel & Dresden911 Vocal Mix)
Someone Like You (Holden Heavy Dub)
Someone Like You (Futureshock Strip Down Mix)
Someone Like You (Voco-Tech Dub)

A few more requests tonight. Fans of Big Country should take note, I also put up the live version of ‘Lost Patrol’ which I don’t believe I posted before. You can expect two more posts of requests in the next couple days or so, I don’t think I’ll be able to fill all of them (you guys asked for A LOT) but if you like New Order, Erasure or B.A.D. then I suggest checking back in a day or so. Anything else I get around to is bonus. Sorry if I skip your request, but I lost a ton of stuff when my hard drive got fried and I really don’t have the time to re-record it all right now. Speaking of which, if anyone out there still has the remixes of ‘Heroin’ that I put up a while ago email me cuz I lost that record!

I recently added my Yahoo! messenger name to my profile so if anyone wants to send a comment or chat sometime feel free! I love talking to music geeks – especially if you are very attractive females that live in the greater Pittsburgh area.

Peter Gabriel
In Your Eyes (Special Mix)
GA-GA I Go Swimming (Instrumental)
Walk Through The Fire

Big Country
Giant
Wonderland (Extended Version)
Look Away (Outlaw Mix)
One Great Thing (Big Baad Country Mix)
Song Of The South (7” Version)
Lost Patrol (Live)

Cyndi Lauper
She-Bop (Dance Remix)

Debbie Harry
Rush Rush (Extended Version)

Tears For Fears
Shout (UK Remix)
Shout (US Remix)

More greatest hits from The Lost Turntable’s past. I’m not going in alphabetical order (don’t worry I didn’t forget about the B.A.D. tracks) it just kind of worked out that way tonight. More to come tomorrow.

A-Ha
Take On Me (Extended Version)

ABC
Poison Arrow (Trevor Horn Re-mix)
Theme From Man-Trap
Theme From Man-Trap (Lounge Sequence)

Berlin
No More Words (Dance Mix)
Dancing in Berlin (Dance Mix)
Sex (I’m A…) Extended Version
Sex (I’m A…) Instrumental Version

Cult
She Sells Sanctuary (Howling Mix)
She Sells Sanctuary (12” Mix)