Songs about Robots and Butts

June 24th, 2015

Tomorrow is me and my boyfriend’s six month anniversary.

You guys he’s so cute.

Eddie Murphy
Boogie In Your Butt (Remixed Extended Version)
Boogie In Your Butt (Instrumental)
Okay for starters let’s just get this out of the way: this is Eddie Murphy’s best song. “Party All The Time” sucks, and the less we talk about “Whatzupwitu” the better. If you’ve never heard “Boogie In Your Butt,” let me educate you. This song is nothing but a rap listing off things/places/people that should be…put in your butt, with Eddie Murphy occasionally commenting on the ludicrous and/or offensive nature of it all until he discovers the financial gains for doing so(???) at which point he eagerly jumps on the butt bandwagon, the buttwagon if you will.

It’s poetry.

Now, often when I share stuff I really like I say something like, “please support this artist and buy music of their’s that you can find commercially.” However, I’m not going to do that here. You like “Boogie In Your Butt?” Then do yourself a favor and don’t buy the self-titled debut from which it comes, unless you want to hear the opening stand-up bit “Faggots,” where Eddie goes off on how much he hates gay people for over two minutes. It’s actually not as bad as it sounds, and better than the homophobic shit on Raw, but it’s still hella bad.

Yeah, he apologized for it (weakly) but that don’t mean I gotta give him money for it in 2015.

Was (Not Was)
Robot Girl (LA Mix)
Robot Girl (£SD Mix)
I was trying to figure out how the hell I pair anything to “Boogie In Your Butt” but then I remembered that I had these Was (Not Was) songs and everything just fell into place. Was (Not Was), being a band that has performed everything, fit naturally with everything.

And Now It’s Time For a Breakdown

June 19th, 2015

I watch a lot of Todd In The Shadows (in fact I’m a backer of his show on Patreon and you should be too). Recently he did a “worst of” list where he tackled the clusterfuck of a year that was 1991. It’s a great video, and I suggest you check it out.

In the video, while decimating several lesser songs and genres of the era, he does briefly mention new jack swing, the hip-hop/R&B hybrid genre that was all the shit in the early 90s. He’s not the first person I’ve seen praise new jack swing as of late, and I highly suspect that it’s due for a comeback any day now. As such, you should check out these hot early-90s jams now and get ahead on the nostalgia.

Bel Biv DeVoe
Poison (Mental Mix)
Poison (Smoothed Mix)
I think few songs leave me as conflicted as this one. It’s undoubtedly one of the best tunes of the new jack era, with its sick production and amazing hook, but it’s also one of the most disgustingly sexist.

Of course, the idea of a femme fatale you should avoid isn’t entirely sexist on its own. There are plenty of toxic women out there and just as many toxic men. No, the song is sexist in explaining exactly why this woman is supposedly toxic, specifically with the line, “But I know she’s a loser (how do you know?)/Me and the crew used to do her.”

Ew. Ew ew ew ew ew ew ew. Ew. Gross. The term “slut-shaming” is thrown a lot (probably too much) these days, but never have I heard such a more concrete example. “This woman is a bad person because she has sex with a lot of men” is literally the message of this song. That’s just…icky.

But on the other hand “Never trust a big butt and a smile” is sage advice, so I’m torn.

En Vogue
My Lovin’ (You’re Never Gonna Get It) (Theo’s Cheaptrick Remix)
My Lovin’ (You’re Never Gonna Get It) (Hyperadio)
My Lovin’ (You’re Never Gonna Get It) (The Morning After Dub)
My Lovin’ (You’re Never Gonna Get It) (Extended Mix)
I desperately want to hear an extended remix of En Vogue’s “Free Your Mind,” which is entirely unfortunate, as no extended remix of that legendary song exists – how such a horrendous fuck up could possibly occur blows my mind.

I mean, don’t get me wrong, most of the singles from Funky Divas are great, but “Free Your Mind” is one of the greatest singles of the 1990s, hands down, no question. It’s a song that could have only been released in the early 90s as well, with its strong social message and cross-genre sound that wonderfully combines new jack swing with heavy metal, of all things. No producer currently making music has the gumption to try something that these days. Pop music sure does suck at the moment, largely because producers and performers are too afraid to take chances like this. Shame too, as there seems to be an overabundance of amazing singers in pop right now.

This song is good too.

I Bought Some 12″ Singles In Pittsburgh. You won’t believe what happened next.

June 14th, 2015

That’s my attempt at writing a clickbait headline. If my Facebook feed is any indication this will be my most successful blog post of all time.

The Jungle Brothers
Freakin’ You (Caribbean Sunshine Remix by The Buffalo Bunch)
Freakin’ You (Michael Moog Monster Mix)
Freakin’ You (Album Instrumental)
My knowledge of The Jungle Brothers is scant and pretty much just limited to Straight Out The Jungle and some various 12″ singles that I’ve found over the years. I knew they always had one foot in the dance scene in one in hip-hop, but even then, this track surprised the heck out of me the first time I heard it. To me it sounds less like a hip-hop track and more like a late-90s big beat electronica tune ala Fatboy Slim or The Propellerheads. Makes sense that one of The Propellerheads produced it. Damn fine tune.

And damn I miss The Propellerheads. If you’ve never listened to Decksandrumsandrockandroll do yourself a favor and snag it, one of the greatest electronic albums of all time, that one.

Giorgio Moroder and Paul Engemann
Reach Out (Extended Dance Mix)
Reach Out (Instrumental)
Giorgio Moroder’s first studio album in 30 years comes out this week in Japan, and to celebrate I thought I’d share these remixes from a song that was featured on his last album, 1985’s Innovisions.

I should preface by saying that this song is bloody awful. It’s amazing that this was written by Moroder just two years after he wrote “Flashdance…What A Feeling” and just six years removed from when he won his first Oscar for the score to Midnight Express. The 80s were rough, man. No wonder he pretty much all but retired by the end of the decade until recently. Living high off that “Take My Breath Away” dough no doubt.

The singer on this track is Paul Engemann, who is probably best known for his far superior (but still corny as hell) Moroder collaboration “Push it to The Limit” from the Scarface soundtrack. The dude has done some other work though, by checking out his (obviously self-edited) wiki I discovered that he was a replacement lead singer for Animotion! The same wiki also points out that he married a former model. In fact, it points this out twice, but I guess he really wanted people to know that and I can’t blame him.

Side note: this song was the theme song to the 1984 Summer Olympics. I personally think it would have fit better as the theme song to a Saturday morning cartoon about Olympians who fight evil Eastern Bloc athlete/spies, but whatever.

Mistaken U2 Remixes and More

June 9th, 2015

I took a week off work to recover from my excursion to America and that gave me time to go on an honest to goodness record recording bender, something I don’t think I’ve really done since I moved here. Felt good to sit in front of my computer all day and just listen to one 12″ single after another and then play a video game for three hours in a row. I need to dedicate one day a month to being a lazy anti-social bastard. I think it’s good for my psyche.

No more than one day though, I can’t spend that much time in my own head anymore without getting really upset about some of the stupid shit my head thinks up. My head is really stupid FYI.

Oh, speaking of my stupid head, I’m cataloging every version of every Madonna single. Check that out if you suffer from 80s remix OCD.

Vertigo (Jacknife Lee 12″)
Vertigo (Jacknife Lee 7″)
Vertigo (Jacknife Lee 12″ Instrumental)
I’m gonna be real here and admit I bought this single because I mis-remembered “Vertigo” (a song I am impartial to) for “Elevation” (probably one of the few U2 songs I actually love. My stupidity is your gain I suppose! Enjoy – if you’re into this kind of thing.

Utah Saints
I Want You (New Orleans Edit)
What Can You Do For Me (Drill Mix)
What Can You Do For Me (Hard Mix)
What Can You Do For Me (Momo Beats)
What Can You Do For Me (Klub Mix)
No, Utah Saints, what can you do for me? I mean, I give and I give and I give and I get nothing in return. No love, no respect, nothing. You just won’t look away from your samplers for one minute and love me goddammit.

I don’t know what brought that on. Probably the fact that I have absolutely nothing to say about these remixes, which I actually do like quite a bit by the way. I should write more accusatory diatribes inspired by song titles.

No, you asshole, today is not the greatest day of them all, how dare you…

Okay maybe not.

Patrick Cowley
Megaton Man (Remix)
There are many different versions of this excellent electronic dance track, and I don’t know if this remix has an official name. I got it off of a French 12″ single, and I know it’s different than the version on Cowley’s album of the same name, and it’s also not the same version that’s on various Cowley or Megatone Records compilations, the running times don’t match up. Regardless, any version of this one is a good version, and worth hearing. It’s so unlike any disco that was coming out at the time, a perfect halfway point between the burgeoning electronic dance music of the late-70s and the synthpop that would dominate the better part of the 80s. No wonder the man was such an influence on acts like Erasure and Pet Shop Boys.

Remixes from Three Dance Music Queens

June 4th, 2015

I’m back! I’m back in Japan and I’m back to updating this blog. Sorry for the extended delay. Traveling across America seeing friends and family you haven’t seen takes a lot of you you it seems. Next time I hope to plan ahead a bit better and have content ready to go so I don’t go for as long with such a break.

I know I promised a big Madonna post tonight, but I feel like mixing it up a bit with some of the choice tracks I scored while I was in the states. Hope you enjoy.

Sheena Easton
Three Sheena Easton singles have stood the test of time in the popular consciousness. The first is “9 to 5 (Morning Train)” A lovely bubble-gum pop track about a woman who can’t wait to spend time with her man when he gets home from work. The second is this, an aggressive and awesome track that calls out sexist men who demand the same from all their lovers.

The third is “Sugar Walls.” That song is about her vagina.

I feel it’s safe to say that Sheena Easton has a rather diverse back catalog.

I’m not a fan of “Sugar Walls” (obviously, I have a boyfriend after all – OH SNAP) but I, at different times in my life, have been equally obsessed with both “Strut” and “9 to 5″ so much that it’s hard for me to pick a favorite between the two. I will say that both are fantastic workout/jogging tunes, and I have to imagine that 1980s Jazzercise classes featured both in their workout mixes. I’d sign up for a spin class if it used mixtapes from 1980s workout classes.

Everybody (Dub Version)
For the past few months I’ve been working on a massive project cataloging every single official remix of every single Madonna song. It’s just about done, and I hope to have it up on Mostly Retro in the coming weeks. It was far more complicated than I ever thought it would be. But I think the end result will be something worthwhile and helpful to all my fellow obsessive Madonna collectors out there. Until then, here’s a dub mix of Madonna’s first single – which has never been released on CD.

You Make Me Feel (Mighty Real) (12″ Ultimix)
You Make Me Feel (Mighty Real) (Radio Version)
You Make Me Feel (Mighty Real) (Dub Version)
You Make Me Feel (Mighty Real) (Acappella)
Fuck yeah Sylvester. Sylvester only had two mainstream hits in the states, this and “Dance (Disco Heat).” While the latter of the two was the bigger hit, I think today most people only know him for this song (it probably had more staying power than a song with “disco” in the title). That’s a damn shame, because he has so many amazing songs that I feel are just waiting to be rediscovered.

A decent greatest hits package (named after this hit) was released a few years ago, but I wouldn’t recommend starting with that. Instead, I would pick up All I Need (aka Do Ya Wanna Funk), his 1982 album that includes the legendary “Do Ya Wanna Funk” as well as the equally amazing “Hard Up” and “Don’t Stop.” That album is over 30 years old now and I still can’t think of much that sounds like it, such an amazing combination of Hi-NRG dance beats, new wave electronics and Sylvester’s one-of-a-kind vocals. Just all around awesome stuff. You can’t go wrong with it.

These remixes are from a 12″ single I picked up in Ohio of all places. The 12″ Ultimix is not the same as the 12″ mixes that are on iTunes.

Drum and Bass from the heart of Salem, Oregon

May 12th, 2015

My pan-American trip continues. Since my last post I have left Portland, traveled south to see my brother in Florida, and am now in my lovely hometown of Toledo, Ohio, where it is dark, dreary and raining.

It’s good to be home.

Coming back to America after living abroad for over a year has kind of been a mindfuck in a lot of ways. I’m not used to driving, and everything is so fucking far away! In Tokyo if I want to get a drink or a quick bite to eat, I’m no more than a 10 minute walk to a convenience store or rice bowl place. But now that I’m out in the boonies of Northwest Ohio, it takes me a good 20 minutes to drive to the nearest decent grocery store, and all my friends are, at minimum, a good 30+ minutes away. As someone who never had patience to begin with, it’s quite the challenge.

I also didn’t miss driving, and the gigantic sprawl of construction barrels that is the Ohio interstate sure is a blast.

Oh, and this is the first time I’ve been around friends and family since the whole coming out thing. And that’s been a series of awkward ordeals that I don’t want to even get into.

But at least I can get a decent bloody mary mix here, so that should solve at least some of the problems I have at the moment.

Now drum and bass!

The Legendary Dreamscape Presents the Millennium Collection – Disc 1
In SalemI stopped into a little record store called Harvest Records. It’s not the biggest or best store I’ve been to, but it is a charming little place, and it features a wonderfully diverse selection of music, from hip-hop to classic rock. I picked up the new Modest Mouse there, as well a crazy nine CD electronic box set entitled The Legendary Dreamscape Presents The Millennium Collection. From what I can gather from its Discogs page, it’s actually a compilation of compilations, collecting three separate three-disc box sets – each of which dedicate one CD to happy hardcore, one to “old skool” and one to drum and bass.

Tonight I’ll post the first CD, which is a radical mix of classic drum and bass that goes from techstep to more fast-paced “classic” dnb before sliding back into the sci-fi tinged techstep for the finale. It features a good array of DJs, including my favorite dnb producers of all-time, including Ed Rush and Optical, who together are responsible for Wormhole, which is easily in my top five electronic albums of all-time. That shit is legendary and if you consider yourself an electronic music fan and you don’t own that, then you are fucking it all up and should be ashamed of your punk ass.

Enjoy the hardcore electronic music. Next post will be all Madonna.

James Brown and Robot Funk

May 3rd, 2015

Oh god I’m in American again how the hell did this happen?

It took nearly a year and a half, but my family finally convinced me to go back home for a visit. I blame the nieces and nephews. Damn cute kids blackmailing me with their cuteness.

My trip is transcontinental, with stops in Oregon, Florida, Ohio and finally Pittsburgh before heading back to the land of the rising son and my lovely adorable boyfriend whom I’ve only been apart from for only 48 hours and already miss dearly.


Anyway, I’m going to make the most of this trip, enjoy the time with my family and hopefully buy some stupid and weird music that I can share here. I also plan on eating all the cheese an drinking all the root beer. So you best not stand downwind from me.

That’s right, I’m bringing out the class. Fart jokes.

Honestly, I’m hella jet lagged right now so don’t expect much insight into tonight’s selections. But it had been a while since my last post and wanted to put something up before even more of you forgot about me.

Friends of Earth
Sex Machine
Sex Machine (Instrumental)
One thing the Japanese are not known for is funk, so I was surprised to find that YMO’s Haruomi Hosono tackled James Brown’s classic “Sex Machine” on the sophomore album of his side project F.O.E. (Friends Of Earth). I was even more surprised to find that this version features new vocals by Brown himself, as well as sax work by his longtime collaborator Ray Maceo Jr.

As much as I love James Brown and Haruomi Hosono, I’m going to have to say that this is not an example of two great tastes that go great together. The raw, funky power of Brown’s original tune really doesn’t translate well into the cold, emotionless robotic sound of Hosono. Still, I’d be lying if hearing the two combined didn’t at least sound interesting.

But yeah, there’s a reason why you don’t hear much about Japanese funk.

The Waitresses
Another lost gem from Stiff Records’ Akron compilation, and from a band that some people probably have actually heard of!

The Waitresses were a one-hit wonder of the early-MTV era, scoring a minor hit single with “I Know What Boys Like” in 1982. That song is probably most notable for the Patty Donahue’s amazing dry vocals, but she’s nowhere to be found on this track. While the vocalist isn’t credited in the album’s liner notes, I assume the singer is Chris Butler, the guitarist/songwriter of the group. This track is a little more bluesy than other songs by The Waitresses that I’ve heard, but it’s just as strange and vaguely offputting while simultaneously being oddly charming and catchy.

The Waitresses were a really weird band. I recommend everything by them, especially their under-rated second album.

4 Minutes (Tracy Young Mixshow)
4 Minutes (Peter Saves New York)
I plan on posting quite a bit while I’m here in the states, but most of the music I have set aside is by Madonna, so I’m going to have to try and space them out a bit. These extended dance mixes were taken from a bonus 12″ that came with the Hard Candy vinyl release. To my knowledge they’ve never been released digitally.




Hardcore for Homos

April 17th, 2015

Tonight I am going to a New Japan Pro Wrestling event. Should be an education.

Modern Rocketry
Homosexuality (Instrumental Remix)
I guess now that everyone finally knows that I’m gay I can post this track without arousing (hehe I said arousing) suspicion. Although I suppose that the countless Madonna, Pet Shop Boys, Patrick Cowley, Erasure, Dead Or Alive and Donna Summer remixes might have blown my cover.

Sadly, this remix isn’t as wonderfully fabulous as the original version or the 12″ remix (both of which are in print and I suggest you buy), but it’s still a classic.

Saint Etienne
Join Our Club (Chemically Friendly Zoom Mix)
How the fuck do you say “Eitenne?”

Sorry, I got nothing on these guys. Nice track though.

Techno Animal vs. Dalek
Megaton (Remix)
Classical Homicide
Classical Homicide (Remix)
These are taken from a 12″ single that actually bills two tracks as “Techno Animal vs. Dalek” and two others as “Dalek vs. Techno Animal.”

I don’t know much about either act. A quick glance at Discogs tells me that Dalek was an alt hip-hop pair who operated in the late 90s to 2011, primarily on Mike Patton’s Ipecac Recordings label. I checked out some of their stuff on YouTube and it is hella aggro and dark and I’m loving it. I wish there was more industrial hip-hop.

Techno Animal are also industrial (not techno) and featured Justin Broadrick of the metal group Godflesh. If these mixes are any indication, they sounded like the kind of electronic act that would feature a dude from a heavy metal group. I like it.

This was released on the indie label Matador by the way, which blows my fucking mind.

Akron Punks and Euro House

April 7th, 2015

Don’t get strep throat while moving to a new apartment. I really don’t recommend it.

Jane Aire & The Belvederes
When I Was Young
I’m An Actress
Jane Aire & The Belvederes are a transcontinental act. Jane hailed from Akron, Ohio while the rest of the group came from the UK. They released one album in 1979. It was produced by fellow Akronite Liam Sternberg, whose probably best known for writing “Walk Like An Egyptian.” He also did work with Kristy MacColl, who apparently performs backing vocals on the Jane Aire LP.

These tracks, however, were not taken from that LP and were instead ripped from The Akron Compilation – a 1978 Stiff Records album that highlighted the eclectic and insane early-punk scene. I’ll probably feature more tracks from that one later on.

Jane Aire & The Belvederes only released the one album, but most of the backing group went on to do other things. Guitarist Lu Edmonds has worked with everyone from Public Image Ltd., Shriekback and Billy Bragg, while the group’s drummer Jon Moss went onto join Culture Club.

Jane’s whereabouts sadly remain a mystery to me, however. So if you’re out there Jane shoot me a line! You’re a great singer.

Jarvic 7
The Firebrigade
The Brainpen
Acid Opera
I have no idea when or why I bought this. I suspect it was a couple years back, when I was pretty much buying anything that I thought might be acid house. This is certainly that, with the first two tracks being typical (yet good) samples of the genre. The last track is exactly what it says it is, an acid house track with some operatic vocals thrown in for good measure.

It’s stupid.

One half of Jarvic 7 (which I assume is named after the Jarvik 7 artificial heart) is Patrick De Meyer, who apparently helped to create Technotronic’s “Pump Up The Jam,” so he has that going for him, which is nice.

Remixes From The Far Side (also, Pharcyde)

March 23rd, 2015

So a lot of people seemed to be interested in what it’s like to be gay in Tokyo, so I wrote about it. Read that if you’re interested.

And I got music here for you! Sorry for the lack of updates this month. Moving into a new apartment this month and things have been crazy busy.

The Pharcyde
Drop (Beatminerz Remix Instrumental)
Runnin’ (Jay Dee Remix)
Passin Me By (Video Instrumental)
Passin’ Me By (Acapella)
Pork (Instrumental)
I have a lot of Pharcyde remixes but it turns out that almost all of them are on their remix and rarities collection that you can buy on Amazon, so I’m not sharing them. Too bad, they’re really good! You should buy that remix collection. In fact, you should buy most Pharcyde albums – The Pharcyde is dope.

A lovely quiet instrumental from a 10″ single I bought a few weeks back.

Big Audio Dynamite II
C’mon Every Beatbox (Extended Vocal Version)
So my boyfriend had never heard reggae before so I played some of the soundtrack to The Harder They Come From and then I remembered that this song sampled that movie and it got stuck in my head even while I was listening to “Many Rivers To Cross” because that’s how my brain works.

I am absolutely positive that I’ve posted this track many times before. But it’s one of my top ten favorite songs of all time so that’s going to happen.