Remixes of dubious origin

May 10th, 2021

Obligatory Cinema Oblivia plug. Many new episodes since my last post, including an episode with Alex Navarro, formerly (sadface) of Giant Bomb! Check it out! And remember, if you like it, leave a good review on iTunes or whatever other podcast service you grab it from (if they allow reviews) and tell your friends!

Okay, done shilling. Kind of a short post this week about some tracks that are pretty stupid. Sorry it’s not something more substantial. Not only can I still not go out to buy records right now thanks to Japan’s pitiful vaccine rollout, pretty much all the super-interesting stuff I yet to write about that is in my queue requires some substantial research and in some cases some translation work by the boyfriend. Also, there’s been some bad family stuff going on lately that has made it hard for me to sit down and really write something substantial.

I really want to do those albums justice, so I wouldn’t feel right shitting out something flippant and silly about them.

However, tonight’s music, yeah, I’m okay with doing that.

Pink Floyd – Is There Anybody Out There (Junior Vasquez Remix)
Pat Benatar – Love Is a Battlefield (Junior Vasquez Remix)

These are a pair of remixes from a 12″ white label bootleg that I bought…I don’t know when and I don’t know where. I definitely grabbed it pre-pandemic. I might have even snagged it the last time I was in America two years ago. Shit like this usually doesn’t it make it over to Japan, they have better taste over here.

These remixes are credited to Junior Vasquez. Maybe that’s the case? Maybe not? I have no idea. I find it highly doubtful that Vasquez was putting out bootleg house mixes of Pink Floyd and Pat Benatar in 2000. He probably had better (and more profitable) things to do at that point. But hey, who knows? Maybe the dude just wanted to make some 10+ minute remixes of tunes that he really dug, and he just happened to choose Pink Floyd and Pat Benatar? Sure, why not?

I’m sure there’s plenty of reasons why not, but let’s not get too negative here.

These remixes are fun. They’re stupid as fuck. But they’re fun. The Pink Floyd remix is barely Pink Floyd. Aside from the titular vocal sample, nothing else from the source material is incorporated into the “remix.” Still, it’s not bad. Has a good energy, and that’s a good sample, obviously.

The Pat Benatar remix draws substantially more from the original version. Variations of the melody play throughout most of the track, and more of Benatar’s vocals are incorporated into the tune. Good breakdown in the middle too. It reminds me of Faithless a bit, and makes me wish that Pat Benatar would’ve done some house collaborations like Sarah McLachlan or Tori Amos. She could’ve had her own “Silence” or “Blue Skies!”

Again, I doubt these are actually Junior Vasquez remixes. I didn’t spend a lot of time digging to find out, but I couldn’t find them on any official releases or on any proper Vasquez mix. I would guess that if they were real remixes by Vasquez, he would’ve put them into his sets at some point, right? But again, I could be wrong. I could also be an idiot and missed a super obvious way to find this out. If I am an idiot and did miss a super obvious way to find this out, let me know in the comments.

Just don’t call me an idiot, leave that implied.

French Fried Prog

April 20th, 2021

I’ve put up two episodes of my movie podcast, Cinema Oblivia, since my last blog post, and I’m quite happy with both of them. First up, Shane Bettenhausen, formerly of EGM and 1Up, occasionally of Retronauts, joined me to talk about the so-bad-it’s-really-bad camp classic The Apple. And then, my good friend Matt recorded an episode with me about Joysticks, the incredibly bad 1983 sex comedy set in an arcade.

I don’t plan on regularly dumping on bad movies with my podcast, it just kind of worked out from a scheduling standpoint. This coming Thursday the quality of films I’ll be discussing does slightly improve, as my friend Erik Pepple joins me to talk about Rad (a bad movie about BMX) and BMX Bandits (a very good movie about BMX). And next week is the big one that I’m very much looking forward to y’all hearing, when I’m joined by Giant Bomb’s Alex Navarro to talk about Sam Peckinpah’s bloody boozy classic, Bring Me The Head of Alfredo Garcia.

New episodes go up EVERY THURSDAY MORNING so check them out sometime! And spread the word! I got big plans for that sucker, but I need at least a little bit of an audience first!

Okay, enough shameless self-promotion. Here’s an all French prog rock post because why not.

 

Adonia
Approche Sur A
Orgasmachine
Adonia was a one-off act featuring two members of influential early electronic prog pioneers Heldon (Richard Pinhas and François Auger) along with Hervé Picart, who seemed to be the real brainchild behind the thing if the liner notes are any indication. Picart composed the entire album, with Pinhas arranged it and provided his trademark spacey guitar riffs to each track, while Auger played drums.

Heldon is a weird band and a band that I always want to like more than I actually do. Truth be told, I prefer this album to Heldon proper. Picart’s compositions are just grounded more in reality for me, I guess. They work better as music that I want to listen to, instead of the sonic experiments that seem to make up most of the Heldon/Pinhas stuff I’ve discovered. I think the only Heldon album I prefer over this is their final release, Stand By, which is a fantastic record that I recommend to anyone with a penchant for electronic/minimal/ambient/Tangerine Dream/whatever type music.

I don’t know what to compare these two tracks to. My go to reference point for any music like this is Tangerine Dream, but that really doesn’t do it justice. It features far more guitars and actual drums than any Tangerine Dream album that I can think of. Maybe Cluster? Harmonia? Neu!? It’s very Krautrock, that’s for sure. Despite the fact that it’s from France. I also appreciate the idiocy of a track called “Orgasmachine” especially when’s as anti-sexy as this track is. Amazing, fantastic, great guitar work on it though. Really trippy shit.

 

Eden
La Nuit Des Sorciers
Theme O.V.N.I.
Another one-off act from France, and one I know even less about than Adonia. Eden was a duo, comprised of Allan Lys on percussion, and Hubert Vrayance on…everything else. Most of the songs on the album have a strong electronic feel to them, but the duo weren’t afraid to keep things more ogranic. This is a very bongo heavy album, and “La Nuit Des Sorciers” starts with organ and drums before the synthesizers and other electronic elements move into the mix.

“Theme O.V.N.I” (don’t ask me what it stands for, I have no idea), on the other hand, is much more electronic. While the first track is built entirely around an organ melody, this one layers multitudes of synthesizers and other electronic sounds on top, with acoustic drums serving as a backbone. It’s fucking rad. The drums really move. It almost reminds me like an electronic version of The Ventures or something, but with a classical bent? All while being primarily electronic? Am I making any sense at all? Probably not, oh well. I got bigger things to worry about than “am I properly describing the French electronic prog act correctly.”

The only thing that I can find out about either member of this group is on a review from Prog Archives, which claims that Vrayance quit music to become a police officer. I have no idea if that’s true, but I can’t imagine that would be the kind of information that someone would go out of their way to make up. In my head-cannon, dude kept a rack of synths behind his office. I don’t know why, but I like that image.

 

THX
Telstar
Richard Pinhas and François Auger come again with this one-off release of a cover “Telstar” that was released as a single under the name THX in 1978. I feel that it’s a safe bet to say that they named themselves after the Lucas movie THX-1138, given the duo’s tendency for sci-fi and spacey sounds. This is a very good version of Telstar, which is one of my all-time favorite songs, and it’s probably the most poppy thing that Richard Pinhas ever played on, unless he did a cover of a Beatles track or something and I just don’t know about it.

I could listen to “Telstar” covers all day. In fact, I’m depressed as hell and need something to cheer me up, so I just might do that.

Enka Synths

April 4th, 2021

I hope you’re not sick of me talking about my podcast, Cinema Oblivia, because I’m about to talk about my podcast, Cinema Oblivia.

Sorry (not sorry).

The podcast has actually been going pretty well. It’s not setting the world on fire or anything like that, but I didn’t expect it to, especially out of the gate. I’ve been really happy with every episode so far. It’s been a while since my last post here, and I’ve put up quite a few episodes since then.

On March 18, Madeline Koestner and I talked about William Friedkin’s amazing forgotten film Sorcerer, a wild flick about a group of goons transporting nitroglycerin through a South American hellscape. It’s a fantastic movie (with a soundtrack by Tangerine Dream!) and you should totally watch it (and listen to that episode). After that Emma Buntrock-Miller joined me to discuss Brian De Palma’s wacked-out horror-musical Phantom of The Paradise. This movie stars Paul Williams and was a major influence on Daft Punk, so if that sounds cool to you, maybe check it out.

Last week I put up the strangest episode to date. Dr. Sparkle of Chrontendo fame called me up to talk about Seeds, a batshit crazy movie by the late not-so-great Andy Milligan. Even if you haven’t heard of that movie (and let’s be real, you probably haven’t) I think the episode is well worth a listen; we dive into some pretty cool topics like lost films and gay underground cinema.

I’ve already recorded the bulk of the episodes that are going up in April and I’m excited to share them with you. This week Shane Bettenhausen and I talk about the disco nightmare that is The Apple, and the following week an old friend of mine joins me to discuss the 1983 video game sex comedy (yes, really), Joysticks. After that, Erik Pepple, a film scholar and another old friend of mine, comes on for the first Cinema Oblivia double-feature, Rad and BMX Bandits! And finally, I’m very excited to say that I’m closing out the month talking about one of my all-time favorite movies, Bring Me The Head of Alfredo Garcia. Joining me on that episode is none other than Giant Bomb’s own Alex Navarro! Wow!

Let’s celebrate with the most obscure album I’ve ever shard on this site. Seriously. I think it’s the all-time winner.

Beautiful Shateau & Synthesizer
The Charm of Synthesizer: Japanese Melody (Complete Album download)

I’ve been sitting on this one for a while now. I keep saying to myself that I’m going to dig deep and try to uncover more about it, but each time I try, I turn up with nothing. Here’s what I know.

This is a very early project by Matsutake Hideki, aka Logic System. I’ve written about him before, (hell, I even met him once). He was the synthesizer programmer on the early Yellow Magic Orhestra albums, and he’s had quite the career aside from that both as a solo artist and a studio musician. Here, he’s working under the odd (and incorrectly spelled) name of Beautiful Shateau & Synthesizer.

From what I can gather, Matsutake released three albums under this name; Synthesizer 美しき日本の抒情; シンセサイザーが奏でる日本の名歌 – 都会の夜; and this one The Charm of Synthesizer: Japanese Melody. Again, from what I can tell, the first two were issued on LP, while this may have been a cassette only release. There may have been more “Shateau” albums too, I just don’t know.

I’m sorry for the all the caveats and uncertainty, but I literally can find zero information on these albums online in English. And what little I managed to find in Japanese haven’t been much of a help. Again, I can’t even find release dates on these albums. That’s insanely rare for Japanese albums. Most Japanese records print the release date on the cover, down to the day of the week. I don’t know why these are so lacking. I’m sure some of you are saying “well, just go to Discogs,” but they don’t have the release dates either. And trust me, I would know since I entered most of the data and took all of the pictures for all of the releases on the Discogs page!

However, one of the “Shateau” tracks did appear on the Logic System box set that came out a couple years back. On there, the track was given a release date of 1976. That’s the same year that Matsutake released his very first album under his own name, alongside fellow Japanese synthesizer pioneer Tsuneaki Tone, Pop Memories on Moog III. Again though, I really should caveat that with another maybe. There is a “III” in that album’s name, after all. They could have recorded something even before that. Still, I feel that it’s safe to say that the “Shateau” releases probably came out no earlier than 1975, and no later than 1977. These albums are very simple.  By 1978 he was experimenting with more complex arrangements, and in the following year he was working with YMO on their debut record.

All the songs on all the Shateau albums are covers of enka songs. Enka is a genre of music that’s often described as “traditional Japanese pop music” and I guess that’s accurate. It’s very pre-rock type stuff. Almost exclusively ballads. It’s the kind of shit that Japanese grandparents just fucking go apeshit for. Obviously, I’m not familiar with the original versions of any of these tracks. So I can’t tell you how many liberties Matsutake is taking with the source material. Given how barren and simple these tracks are though, I feel it’s safe to say that these are probably relatively faithful to the original versions, just like a lot of other early synthesizer covers of pop tunes.

Despite my complete lack of cultural awareness for anything on this album, I do really enjoy listening to it. Most enka songs are usually sad or melancholy, and it translates really well to the minimal arrangements that Matsutake put forth on all of these releases. They’re all so bizarre, like music out of time, obviously very old but recorded in a (then) very new way. Listening to them transports me to another reality, a retro-futuristic world where everyone is dressed like 1950s gangsters, but somehow all have cyberpunk gear hooked up to their trench coats. It’s detached and unfamiliar to anything else I’ve ever heard. It’s so my jam.

None of the Shateau albums I have sound particularly great from an audio perspective, sadly. The records are all pretty banged up, and this tape has seen better days too. Of the lot, I think this tape rip is the best though. It’s a little muddled, and there’s a weird audio glitch in one track that I just couldn’t remove, but overall it’s very clean and clear. I prefer a slightly muddy recording to a heavily scratched one, that’s for sure. If the quality bothers you, I recommend listening on your speakers instead of headphones, it sounds better that way for sure.

Let me know what you think of this one in the comments. I know it’s really out there, but I it’s so fascinating to me.

 

Nintendo Sound Adventures REMIIIIIIX

March 17th, 2021

Another reminder that I just started a new movie podcast called Cinema Oblivia. Every week, a guest and I take a look at a different old movie that I feel more people need to see, or at the very least is interesting and under-discussed today. The first episode covered Flashdance, while the second was all about Streets of Fire. The next episode will go up Thursday morning, and it will be about William Friedkin’s masterpiece Sorcerer! Don’t miss it!

Now, Nintendo music because no reason.

Nintendo
Overture (Mario’s Jungle Intro)
Yoshi’s Story (Breakbeat Inferno)
Versus (M.I.R. Rampage)
Sound Of Lylat (Hip Hop Hype)
Hyrule (Princess “Z” Trigger)
This should be my last drunken Discogs purchase post in a while. Actually, wait, that might not be true. I have to see if an exceptionally needless eurodance purchase I made earlier this month is currently in print.

Regardless, this will definitely be the last video game related drunken Discogs purchase post I’ll be sharing in the immediate future. Every other weird video game release I want to buy right now is either too expensive or not for sale. And even if they do go on sale and I do buy them – I won’t be drunk! I won’t be drinking for a few months it seems, as alcohol does not play well with a new medication I’m on (nothing serious or worth mentioning, don’t worry).

These tracks are from an album that Nintendo put out in Europe, I assume as part of some sort of promotion or giveaway, in 1998. It’s the kind of thing you find if you go to Discogs and type in “NINTENDO” in the search field, as I am want to do in these trying times.

Most of the CD is just standard game music taken from various Nintendo releases. You got some Yoshi’s Story, Star Fox 64, Mario 64, and The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time. It’s all very 1998. All very N64. That’s all good stuff, but they’re not that unique or worth mentioning.

However, the album also features these five remixes, all of which seem to be exclusive to this CD. I have no idea why Nintendo decided to do this. Why release a promo CD in Europe only and fill it out with remixes that can’t be found anywhere else? Nintendo’s gonna Nintendo, as the kid’s say. As you can probably piece together from the song titles, the first track is from Mario 64, the second from Yoshi’s Story, and the last from Zelda. The other two were taken from Star Fox 64.

These are some…weird remixes. They’re very obviously going for a late-90s “electronica” vibe. Lots of breakbeats, drum and bass, vocal samples, and such. Sometimes it works really well, great even. The Yoshi’s Story mix is rad as hell, and I’m not just saying that because I love Yoshi. The beat is bit on the simple side, but it has a good bass groove, and uses the Yoshi vocal samples in a hilarious, and dangerously catchy, way. Good breakdown in the middle too. You could totally sneak this into a club mix and no one would be the wiser.

“Versus (M.I.R. Rampage)” is really great too. That music had a very cinematic feel, much like a lot of the music from the Star Fox games. The beat, not surprisingly, add an intense energy to the track. While the seemingly re-recorded (or at the very least, resampled at a higher bit-rate) orchestral elements make it sound even bigger. The beats are corny, no doubt, but it still works. Big “late-90s action movie” vibes on this one. The same goes with “Hyrule (Princess “Z” Trigger), which uses elements from the main overworld theme of Zelda and adds in gaggles of beats and other electronic wackiness. Again, it’s a bit cheesy, but I love the original melody so much that it’s hard for me to hate on it too much. And they still focus on the melody, played wonderfully on a piano-sounding keyboard, and that’s always going to set off the nostalgia dopamine triggers in my brain no matter what. I can’t judge that music objectively. Nintendo has corrupted me I’m sorry.

However, even with Nintendo owning a large chunk of my childhood hostage, I can’t say that the Mario nor the “Sound of Lylat (Hip Hop Hype)” tracks are particularly good. For some reason, the remixers decide to add very strange vocal samples to each. In the Mario track, the vocals are nothing more than an exceptionally deep voice saying things like “This is the sound of Nintendo” over and over and over again for no reason. It’s exceptionally distracting and just ruins the track.

Ditto for the Star Fox remix at the end. The same vocals are nearly non-stop , and they’re made even worse with the occasional “yeah, uh huh” thrown in for bad measure. It’s just so weird. Again, it’s not like it’s singing, or even rapping, it’s just some dude with an artificially deep voice telling you that you’re in Lylat. Repeatedly. It song is just under four minutes long and it gets old and downright aggravating within the first minute. It’s a real bummer too, cuz the music itself is really good! I suppose it’s too much/too late to ask for an a capella rendition on a 12″ single of something?

A big (Mike) Hug(g)

March 11th, 2021

My long promised (threatened?) podcast is here! It’s not about music, but instead I’m focusing on movies, specifically movies that have fallen through the cracks of time. Maybe they were once huge but now irrelevant, massive failures, rarely-seen B-movies, or underground flicks that still haven’t gotten their just due. My focus is broad, there are a lot of films that I want to shine a spotlight on that I feel people either aren’t talking about or have barely even heard of. And no, you’re not wrong, there are some parallels  between what I want to focus on with my podcast and what I’ve always been writing about here. You might say that the podcast is the movie equivalent of this website.

It’s called Cinema Oblivia, and for the premiere episode I took a look at the film, Flashdance. Yeah, Flashdance isn’t exactly a lost or forgotten film, but I think that people today really don’t understand just how big of an influence it was on popular culture. I think that 80s nostalgia continues to refuse to die, but Flashdance hasn’t been part of that recently. Is it a great movie? Not really. But it’s an interesting movie, with some fascinating stories behind it. Joining me to discuss the movie is an old friend, Jennifer Fiorini. She was 13 years old when the movie came out (…and my babysitter!) so she was totally it’s target demographic. Also, as a former dancer and current film scholar, she brings a lot of interesting insight into the discussion.

I plan on making these weekly for a least a little while. Flashdance was actually last week’s episode. This week Eric Pope and I discuss the Walter Hill career-killer Streets Of Fire. That episode is up now!

After that, Madeleine Koestner joins me to talk about Sorcerer, the hyper-stressful dynamite-fueled thriller by William Friedkin. And then for the forth episode, Emma Buntrock-Muller and myself take a deep dive look at Brian Depalma’s musical horror classic, Phantom Of Paradise.

I got a few more episodes lined up already and I’ll announce them soon too. Also, I’m looking for more guests! If you are, or know anyone, with at least a modicum of experience talking or writing about film, shoot me a comment either here or on Twitter. I’m always looking for more guests. I’m especially looking for people of color and trans individuals. Not only for films that are relevant to them, but for any movie.

And if you like it, leave a review on Apple’s Podcasts. I hear that helps surface the show a bit better. There’s a sea of podcasts out there, it’s hard to get an audience.

In the interests of self-promotion, I guess I should share something tonight that has the chance of going viral, which in turn might lead people to the podcast. But instead, here’s some progressive rock/funk by a member of Manfred Mann.

I’m bad at this.

Hug
Look At Yourself
Breakdown
Star Traveller
Hug is the brainchild of Mike Hugg of Manfred Mann. When that band disbanded in the late 60s, he first stayed with Mann to form the Manfred Mann’s confusingly-named second band, Manfred Mann Chapter Three. He didn’t stick around for the far more commercially-successful Manfred Mann’s Earth Band, however, instead deciding to go solo. He released two albums in 1972 and 1973, respectively, but I don’t think either made waves on either side of the Atlantic.

After that, he formed Hug, and they released their sole album, Neon Dream, in 1975. Alongside Mike Hugg on the album is Marcus James on bass, Ron Telemaque behind the drums, and guitarist John Knightsbridge. Yeah, I never heard of any of them either. Knightsbridge apparently played with Illusion, the Renaissance offshot group, for while, and Telemaque and James worked with Eddy Grant for a bit. But most of their work is on smaller labels with artists I’m not that familiar with. That’s not to say they’re untalented musicians! On the contrary, if this album is any indication, they shred.

Neon Dream isn’t an earth-shatteringly great record, but it’s a very good one. It’s kind of a mix between jazz, progressive rock, and funk, with more of an emphasis on the latter two, thankfully. It has the feel of a bunch of dudes getting together and jamming, while keeping a pretty tight focus on making good, pop-friendly tracks with solid hooks. There are only six tracks on the album, five of which are over six minutes long. I bet they were really good live.

The three tracks I’m sharing here are the longer numbers, which I feel work better than the slightly-shorter tracks. These guys are at their best when they really let loose, especially Knightsbridge, he fucking kills it on “Breakdown” and “Star Traveller.” It’s a shame he didn’t put out more work back in the 70s, his loose, jazzy style would’ve fit in great with any number of progressive acts that were around at the time.

Hug’s Neon Dream seems to have been released in the UK only, and was never reprinted on tape or CD. That makes it pretty rare. It’s not a super-valuable record or anything like that, but it usually goes for at least 20 bucks when I see a copy, that’s more than a lot of other forgotten prog and funk from the early 70s. I hope someday that it can get a proper CD re-release. Fans of the genre should dig it.

Totally Tubular (Bells) and Utah Saints

March 3rd, 2021

Keyboards Affair
Tubular Bells (New Dance Version)
Commando
I saw this in a progressive rock record store, of all places, for about five bucks. Upon laying my eyes on it I immediately knew I wanted it. A “dance version” of “Tubular Bells?” Who would be so stupid/insane/brilliant to try such a thing, and why did I know that they were Italian?

This is the sole release by Keyboards Affair, aka Roberto Rossi, best known as the producer/writer of Sabrina’s international trash dance hit “Boys.” You ever seen the original video for that shit? Jesus Christ. I’m gayer than a rainbow at a Cher concert but even I’m taken aback by that one, or should I say, those two. Did that actually air on TV?!

Sorry, something got the breast best of me for a second. This is a decent, fun mix of “Tubular Bells,” although the spoken word interlude is entirely worthless and should not be there. “Commando” is sadly not a remix of any of the music from the Arnold film, but an original piece (at least I think so). It’s a good jam, with a slight creepy, dark vibe to it. Have Justice sampled this? I feel like Justice should sample this. The end of this, vocal snippets not withstanding, is really quite good.

Utah Saints
Believe In Me (7″ Edit)
Believe In Me (DJ Tim’s Bliss Mix)
What Can You Do For Me? (Madness Mix)
“Believe In Me” features a sample of Sylvester’s “Do You Wanna Funk.” That, by definition, means it is one of the greatest dance songs of all time. These two remixes still have that sample, so they are very good.

The original version of “What Can You Do For Me?” is built entirely off of a sample from The Eurythmics’ classic “There Must Be An Angel Playing With My Heart.” That, by definition, also means it is one of the greatest dance songs of all time. Who doesn’t want to dance to Annie Lennox? This remix keeps that Eurythmics sample, but at a reduced rate. That’s not right. I feel that when you’re listening to “What Can You Do For Me?” you come in expecting a certain percentage of that song to be comprised of samples of Annie Lennox’s godlike voice. When you remove any percentage of said sample, you’re make the song that much worse. It’s just simple math. If anything, when remixing “What Can You Do For Me?” you should add MORE Annie Lennox. Well, I guess that’s true for most things. Nothing has ever been damaged by adding Annie Lennox to it.

 

Super Mario’s first vinyl adventures

February 23rd, 2021

In 1986 Nintendo released two Mario-themed singles. As far as I can gather, the songs on these singles were never compiled on a proper LP, nor have they every gotten legit CD or digital releases. They’re some of the rarest, and most interesting, music tracks that Nintendo has ever put together.

Across the two singles there are three songs (click on the links to download the songs):

マリオの大冒険 (Mario no dai boken), meaning “Mario’s Big Adventure”
“Go Go Mario!!”
クッパ一族かぞえ唄 (
Kuppa ichizoku kazoe-uta) which translates to “Koopa Clan Counting Song.

I’m going to start with “Go Go Mario!!” because if you’ve heard any of these, it’s probably this one. This is just the game’s various themes blended together with lyrics on top. The sound effects area little more clean than what’s on the game proper, but very little has been changed musically. Some vinyl rips of this track made their way online a few years back, and a lot of blog posts wrote about the “weird” lyrics. Here are said “weird” lyrics, newly translated by my boyfriend, who is a native Japanese speaker (he prefers to be anonymous here, thanks).

Today, too, Mario runs and runs vigorously.
He will go and rescue Princess Peach. Go.
Today, too, Mario runs vigorously.
Today, too, Mario jumps vigorously!
Today, too, Mario, find the coins vigorously.
Today, too, Mario, go ahead.
Get a Mushroom and you will be Super Mario.
Get a Flower and you will be Fire Mario.
Here come Goombas, here come Koopa Troopas, here come Buzzy Beetles. Beat them all.
Mario is always vigorous and strong.

Today, too, Mario runs and runs vigorously.
He will go and beat the Bowser Family. Go.
Today, too, Mario runs vigorously.
Today, too, Mario jumps vigorously!
Today, too, Mario, find the coins vigorously.
Today, too, Mario, go ahead.
Catch Stars and you will be invincible.
Go and rescue Peach right away.
Here come Lakutis, here come Spinies, here come Cheep Cheeps. Beat them all.
Mario is always vigorous and strong.

Today, too, Mario runs and runs vigorously.
Here is the Castle; set the fireworks off one after another.
Mario, dodge Hammer Bros. swiftly
And squeeze out every last bit of your strength.
It’s been a long journey but it’s going to be over soon.
You did it! You have beaten Bowser!
Princess Peach says Thank you! to Mario,
And his heart expands in delight.
Mario’s adventure has finished here,
But his dreams will go on forever.

What no one seemed to mention at the time, however, is that “Go Go Mario!” was just one version of the Super Mario Bros. theme with lyrics. Also released at the same time was “Mario’s Big Adventure,” a more full-featured arrangement with original instrumentation, not just game music samples. This is my preferred version. It’s more fleshed out. It has a livelier sound, and it makes use of the game’s sound effects. It also takes full advantage of the underwater theme. In “Go Go Mario!” the singer just talks over that part, this version features actual singing that goes along with the melody. “Mario’s Big Adventure” also adds in a full chorus that’s catchy as hell.

Here are the lyrics to “Mario’s Big Adventure,” again translated by my boyfriend.

Here goes Mario to slay Bowser,
Who is disturbing the Mushroom Kingdom’s peace.

Poor Princess Peach, held captive in the castle,
She is in tears, waiting to be rescued.

Trample Goomba the Traitor.
Kick Koopa Troopa down to Hell.

Super Mario, transform yourself with a Mushroom!
Super Mario, vent the wrath of Justice!

Quick! Jump! Run vigorously today, too!
Don’t miss the coins in the air!

After having gone through the flames, Mario finds Toad,
Saying, “Sorry, Princess Peach is in another castle.”

Mario, love is your force;
You’ll fight with your gentleness in your heart
That everyone has forgotten.

Super Mario, super star invincible,
Super Mario, miracle power!

Mario cannot make any mistakes, until he rescues Princess Peach
And breaks the Koopa Clan’s spell.

Super Mario, transform yourself with the Flower!
Super Mario, give Bowser your mortal blow!

Super Mario, Our hero!
Super Mario, glorious victory!

The B-side to “Mario’s Big Adventure” was “The Koopa Family’s Counting Song.” This song doesn’t feature any music from Super Mario Bros. Instead, it’s an “educational” song of sorts that uses the Mario villains to help teach children how to count. This may be based on an existing counting song, but my boyfriend didn’t recognize the melody. To me, this track features the strangest lyrics of the bunch. My boyfriend is steadfast in that the song refers to goombas as “bastards.”

Chorus
The Koopa Family’s counting song,
Here come bad guys one after another!
Koo-koo-koopas are desperate.

One:
What terrible bastards Goombas are!
They have betrayed the Mushroom Kingdom.
(Goombas are bastards, bastards!)

Two:
Trample and kick Koopa Troopas
When they are turned upside down, they are merely turtles.
(Let’s trample and kick Koopa Troopas!)

Three:
There is a big difference between being told about something and seeing it with your eyes.
The Piranha Plant is terrifying.
(You cannot buy it at a flower shop. It’s a strange flower.)

Four:
For heaven’s sake! In the sea,
Uninvited, Bloopers are coming up.
(Mario is good at treading water.)

*Chorus*

Five:
Fire comes up from the pond.
Mario can dodge it quickly.
(Fire Bars are turning round.)

Six:
Seeing it’s a reckless attack, Mario desperately tries to beat
Hammer Bros.
(Never does he fall without gaining something.)

Seven:
Spinies are scary enough to quieten a crying baby.
They are nasty guys because Mario cannot trample them.
(Who is the meek one?)

Eight:
Hateful Koopa Paratroopas!
They are turtles but flutter in the air.
(Cranes can live for a thousand years and turtles can live for ten thousand years.)

*Chorus*

Nine:
Straight-faced Lakitus go,
Dropping Spiny Eggs from clouds.
(They are cunning enough not to get off their clouds.)

Ten:
Be aware of Scull marks
As they are cannons firing Bullet Bills.
(The booming fireworks are beautiful.)

Extra:
Whether lucky or not,
After Mario has dodged a Buzzy Beetle, he falls.
(He looks self-important but very silly in fact.)

Finally:
A laughter is coming from the castle.
Devilish Bowser is hard to destroy.
Beat hell out of him!

 

The single with “Mario’s Big Adventure” and “Go Go Mario!” that I have is a promo release, most likely for record stores and radio stations. The cover advertises the 3/30 release date, as well as the 4/21 release date for the cassette single version. This promo record is the only release that has both “Mario’s Big Adventure” and “Go Go Mario!” on it. The commercial release of “Mario’s Big Adventure” (pictured at the top of this page) has “The Koopa Family’s Counting Song” as its B-side. “Go Go Mario!” was released separately as its own single, apparently only on cassette tape. That version has an instrumental version of “Go Go Mario!” as its B-side that is apparently exclusive to that release. So great, now I have to add that to my Discogs wantlist.

I tried to dig up more information on these songs performers, but I couldn’t find much. Aya are Nakayoshi Oendan credited as the performers of “Mario’s Big Adventure,” but I don’t think that they did anything aside from that one song. The singer on “Go! Go Mario!!” is listed as “Princess Peach” so good luck finding out who that actually is. The lyrics were supposedly written by fans, as a result of some contest or radio promotion.

Again, these songs are out-of-print. They’ve been out-of-print so long that I feel no guilt in sharing them today. Who knows if Nintendo will ever re-release them. I doubt it. Last year was Mario’s 35th anniversary and about the only thing that Nintendo bothered to do to commemorate it was release a shoddy collection of some old Mario games with barely any improvements or enhancements. Blizzard put more work into their recent release of Rock n Roll Racing than Nintendo did with their Super Mario 64 re-release, and that’s just messed up.

These are just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to lesser-known Mario Bros. arrangements. I have entire CDs of stuff like this. I might share some more in the future, but I don’t want to go too wild with it. Nintendo might throw me in a pipe and launch me out of the country.

The Hitmen and other obscurities (special appearance by Bad Manners)

February 15th, 2021

Bad Manners – Bang The Drum All Day
Leisure Process – Cashflow
I Am Siam – Talk To Me (I Can Hear You Now)
The Hitmen – Bates Motel
All of these tracks are from the compilation, Wave Goodbye To The 80’s. This is a very strange record for a multitude of reasons. Firstly, it came out in 1995. Five years removed from the 80s is too soon for nostalgia, and too late for decade-ending retrospective/greatest hits of the decade type thing.

But the weirdest thing about the album is its tracklist, a very bizarre assortment of lesser-known tracks by moderately established artists and bizarre deep cuts from underground acts that never even came close to the mainstream. Why would a label decide to throw Mi-Sex’s “Grafiti Crimes” on a decade retrospective? Was anyone in 1995 clamoring for a re-release of Freur’s “Doot Doot” aside obsessive Underworld fans? Probably not. No one wanted to hear Men At Work’s “Dr. Heckyll and Mr. Jive” ever again, I know that for sure.

The four tracks I’m sharing tonight are the four on the album that appear to still be out-of-print. The biggest of these is Bad Manners’ cover of “Bang The Drum All Day.” This track was on the band’s 1985 album Mental Notes. That wasn’t as big as the four that preceded it, but I’m surprised that it remains out of print on CD save for a late-90s UK only re-release. Perhaps the album has some rights issues. It’s a great cover!

The other three rarities are some real obscurities. “Cashflow” was a single by Leisure Process, a synth-pop duo who released several singles on Epic in the first half of the decade, but never an album proper. A lot of bands like that have had their singles compiled for retrospective compilations, but not Leisure Process. Only a couple of their songs have made their way to CD, and only on bizarre releases like this one. “Cashflow” is some good mid-tier synth-pop with a unique sound. It has that 80s sax, and a bouncy, almost ska-like beat, combined with some dissonant post-punk guitars and sardonic vocals. I get a poppy Romeo Void vibe from them.

Gary Barnacle made up one half of Leisure Process, and while you might not know his name, you almost certainly have albums he appeared on if you enjoy 80s music. Dude is on albums by Kim Wilde, The Clash, Tina Turner, Soft Cell, Visage…the list goes on. He has over 900 credits on Discogs. I like it when “failed” acts can find success behind the scenes.

I Am Siam were a synth-pop act from New York, which means their singer was either a UK transplant or he’s faking that accent Al Jorgensen With Sympathy style. “Talk To Me (I Can Hear You Now)” is some typical-ass typical mid-80s synth-pop. If you told me that this was Wang Chung, Simple Minds, Thompson Twins, or any other moderately decent act from the era, I’d believe you. It’s the kind of track that you dig while you’re listening to it, but immediately forget it five seconds into the next track on the album.

Finally, there’s “Bates Motel” by The Hitmen, the actual reason why I bought this album. I’ve been obsessed with this track ever since I found it on some MP3 blog in the mid-2000s. I don’t know which one, all those blogs are gone now (EXCEPT MINE). But ever since then I’ve been trying to score a decent-sounding recording of it. I first posted this track back in 2013, recording it off of a promo 12″ single. That rip wasn’t great since the record was pretty beaten up. Since then, I bought the band’s 1981 sophomore (and final) release Torn Together twice! Each time only to rip this track, but in both instances the album was too torn up to get a halfway decent rip.

I was shocked when I discovered that the track somehow made its way onto this CD compilation, so I paid two bucks for this CD (…and $14 in shipping) to get it. But it was worth it! I was fearful that the track was going to be a cheap vinyl rip, but it seems to have been taken from the master, or at least a decent tape source. It’s the best version of the song I’ve ever heard, crystal clear. If I can ever have a Halloween party again, I can finally put it on the playlist.

The Hitmen were really good. I can’t figure out why their stuff has never been re-released on CD. There was even some pedigree in the band. Alan Wilder from Depeche Mode was there for a bit (albiet not on their albums) and other members in the group went on to work with artists like Gladys Knight, Nick Lowe, Kristy MacColl, and Allison Moyet. Have you seen some of the stuff that re-issue labels like Cherry Red put out? If acts like Dollar and Shoes can get their completely forgotten albums re-issued in deluxe box sets, the The Hitmen should get their stuff re-released too. That shit ain’t right.

Seriously, who is Dollar?

*goes to Wikipedia*

Wait, they had 10 top 40 singles in the UK? Listen, UK, someone needed to stage an intervention with you guys in the 80s. You took this shit too far. This is how you ended up with Living In A Box. You got no one to blame for that shit but yourself.

The Funky Monkey Magic of Donkey Konga’s Hottest Hits

January 28th, 2021

I’ve been in and out of lockdown since March, but the one I’m currently in has been the hardest, and is soon entering its third month. And since Japan has not even approved a vaccine yet (because racism and stupidity), who knows when it will end.

What I’m saying is, the longer I can’t leave my house, the more likely it is I keep buying shit like this on Discogs. You can decide whether or not that’s good or bad.

Donkey Konga – The Hottest Hits
I never played Donkey Konga. It came out when I was living in a small apartment and had a roommate. Our relationship was already tumultuous, if I had started banging on plastic conga drums at all hours of the day he probably would’ve killed me. I love the idea though, and when its safe for me to go to Akihabara again and make regrettable purchases in person as opposed to online, who knows, I might pick it up. Does it even play nice on 4K TVs though?

I had no idea this album even existed. I stumbled upon it on Discogs just by typing “Nintendo” in the search field and digging through the results. Apparently it was a promo release that was included with some copies of a Nintendo magazine in Europe. It’s a very short CD. While it has seven tracks in total, each of them are very brief, leading to just a paltry 13 minutes of music, which is why I just went ahead and uploaded the whole thing.

 

The tracks included are:

  • Super Smash Bros. Melee Theme
  • Donkey Kong Country Theme
  • DK Rap
  • Donkey Konga Theme
  • Super Mario Bros. Theme
  • Rainbow Cruise
  • The Legend of Zelda Theme

Some of these are new arrangements, while others are just slightly modified or abbreviated edits of previously available versions. The Smash Bros. Melee Theme is similar to the original, from what I can tell. The DK Rap also doesn’t sound that different, although it is shorter. It cuts out after the third version. You can decide for yourself if that’s a good thing or a bad thing. I think the Donkey Konga Theme and Rainbow Cruise tracks are identical to their original versions that appeared in their respective games also.

However, the Donkey Kong Country Theme seems to be a new arrangement, it’s definitely CD quality audio and not a rip from the SNES game, that’s for sure. It’s a fun take on the theme too, very big band in the way that many of Nintendo’s themes are when they get a proper CD release.

For me, the real highlights of this disc are the arrangements of the music from Zelda and Super Mario Bros. I think that both are original versions that were made for Donkey Konga, meaning that they were never released on any other CDs or games. As someone who has about a dozen different versions of the theme to Legend of Zelda, and god knows how many variations of the Super Mario Bros. Theme (official and otherwise) I can’t be 100% positive of that fact, but I’m fairly certain.

I really like both of these arrangements. They have that big band sound that I already mentioned, but they got a jazzy vibe to them. They’re a bit looser and goofier. This is especially the case with the Legend Of Zelda Theme. That’s not one that usually gets an upbeat, percussive, fun mix. Nintendo likes to treat that number with prestige and gravitas with a full orchestra more often than not. It certainly doesn’t often get remixed into a calypso jazz number. I imagine Link slaying some Moblins and then meeting up with Buster Poindexter for a conga line when I listen to this. Great stuff.

I have a lot of CD singles and other weird shit coming from Discogs soon. Some video game music, some not. If you were jonesing for some old-school remix-focused posts like I used to do “back in the day” I have at least two of those planned as well.

As always, stay safe out there. May the Donkey Kongas give you the strength to go on.

Three Natural One Remixes

January 22nd, 2021

Folk Implosion
Natural One (Unkle Mix)
Natural One (Instrumental Mix)
Natural One (Unkle No Scratch Mix)

“Yo check out this Unkle remix of this Folk Implosion song from an independent movie” is the most late-90s thing one could possibly say. I think I posted some of these mixes eons ago, but that was a really bad vinyl rip. These are from a CD single.

What a strange hit single. For those unaware, “Natural One” was on the soundtrack to the film Kids, a movie that was so sexually explicit that the MPAA gave it the dreaded NC-17 rating, leading the filmmakers to go the unrated route instead. I was interested in the movie when it came out, but I was also 15 years old. My parents, liberal as they were with my movie watching (they bought me a copy of A Clockwork Orange the same year) drew the line with Kids. I think it was the only movie from my father’s video store that I was literally barred from renting. In my 20s, I still haven’t seen the movie and honestly I have no desire to now. I’ve seen other movies by both the director Larry Clark and writer Harmony Korine. I think I can honestly say I’m not picking up what they’re putting down. Also, some…let’s be charitable and say “thematic elements”…of Clark’s films are really, really gross.

Folk Implosion was a side-project of Lou Barlow. Lou, for those who may not know, was/is also in Dinosaur Jr. He bounced from Dinosaur Jr. at the start of the 90s and went on form Sebadoh. Dinosaur Jr. had some minor hits without Lou, and Sebadoh was a college-rock indie-darling, but they never really made a dent on the mainstream charts.  That was always mystifying to me. Sebadoh was a weird band with a lo-fi bent, but they could craft catchy, guitar-hook heavy, rock songs like nobody’s business. If any of the pre-Nirvana alt-rock acts deserved to capitalize off of the grunge boom, it was them.

While Lou couldn’t score a pop hit with his decidedly radio-friendly rock band, he somehow managed to get a hit with this track, a bizarre electronica-tinged, creepy-sounding low-key tune taken off the soundtrack to a controversial, rarely-seen indie film that some critics dubbed as literal child pornography. And I’m not exaggerating when I say that this was a mainstream hit. It cracked the Billboard Top 30! People really undersell just how damn weird the 90s were sometimes, I swear.

I still can’t figure out how this song became a hit so I’m just going to go with “it’s damn good” and leave it at that. It also managed to come out at just the right time. 1995 was the year that it became safe to put electronic elements in your rock music again. Bjork’s Post had just come out earlier that year. That album, along with albums like Portishead’s 1994 debut Dummy, were big critical hits, and endeared college kids to the idea that rock music could have samplers and keyboards in it and still be cool. If this song had come out a year prior, it might have been a hit with the critics, but it probably wouldn’t have broken through to the mainstream. If it had dropped in the later half of 1996 or 1997, it would have been to late, as by then the Matchbox 20s and Third Eye Blinds of the world had successfully removed any remaining edge or originality from the alt-rock scene.

The failure of Folk Implosion to capitalize off this hit also demonstrates just how “1995” the song was. Their follow-up album, Dare To Be Surprised, came out in 1997. It got indie buzz, of course, but no radio play. They followed that album up with their major label debut One Part Lullaby in 1999. That one was obviously recorded with more of a radio-friendly intent, but it got zero interest and less-than-zero airplay, which is a shame because it’s a fantastic record (“Chained To The Moon” is a banger) and got really good reviews. Lou’s version of the group without co-founder John Davis, The New Folk Implosion, released a record in 2003, but that one couldn’t even get any indie-cred, and fell with a resounding thud. It’s also a good record and I recommend it.

Lou’s back with Sebadoh and Dinosaur Jr. now, and he also released a really good solo album a couple years back. Despite being his breakthrough act, Folk Implosion almost feel like a footnote to his career now, but I think that more people ought to check them out. If you dig “Natural One,” I really think you can’t go wrong with either One Part Lullaby or that New Folk Implosion album. Both feature more of the band’s lo-fi/electronic mix, and sound just as fresh and unique now as they did 20 years ago. Actually, with the re-emergence of amateur recordings and lo-fi home demos thanks to Tik Tok, they’re probably more relevant than ever.

Someone needs to make a Tik Tok meme to “Merry Go-Round” is what I’m saying.