Not Pretty, Still Vacant.

Fucking hipsters man…

I hinted upon this on my last post. I went to the Girl Talk show in Pittsburgh this Saturday. And while I had a blast at the show. Something struck me a bit…odd about the crowd.

Allow me to list some of the fashion decisions I saw first hand

  • Pink sequin dress with dayglo fanny pack
  • TWO white men dressed like Michael Jackson circa Beat It.
  • A woman rocking a full on Native American headdress
  • Fat men with sports glasses and bushy, unkempt beards (thanks, Dan Deacon)
  • Cute girls wearing sports goggles
  • Short gym shorts on men (also, its fucking COLD here)
  • A green suit guy
  • A man dressed as a banana
  • Two girls rocking full geisha wear

Okay, that’s it. I officially do not “get it” anymore. I’m old. I do not understand what is going on. Why the hell are these kids dressing up in clothes that are intentionally ugly as hell and in most cases, not at all flattering (jeggings notwithstanding) ? I think I know. Its the fucking hipsters man. They’re ruining it for everyone.

There’s been much debate over what qualifies a “hipster” these days. Some people think all you need to be a hipster is a love of ultra-obscure indie bands, but I think that has almost nothing to do with it – at least with the hipsters that annoy me.

Hipsters today…they don’t seem to really care about, or really love, anything. Everything is a joke or a show. Nothing is authentic. They’re pop culture tourists, grabbing snippets of things here and there for their own shallow needs. Some hipster kid sees Heavy Metal Parking Lot, so he downloads some Dokken and buys a cheap denim jacket. A hipster chick sees a Siouxsie and Banshees video so she decides that the Indian headress look is hot this year. Michael Jackson dies, so now everyone is a die-hard MJ fan again, and simply must have a vintage Beat It jacket. The don’t know anything about what they are cribbing from, other than that they think it might make them look uncool in the way that matters the most.

Remember back in the 90s when everyone wore inconspicuous thin-framed glasses? Then Weezer got cool again, and kids started rocking the thick frames like Rivers Cuomo (I’m sure there was more to it than just Rivers, but that’s the only example I can think of off the top of my head). They were so “uncool” they became cool.

Well, they’re no longer fake-uncool, they’re straight-up cool. So now hipsters are rocking aviator frames and sports goggles! Two of the most uncomfortable and disgustingly ugly forms of eye-wear ever devised by man! Just in an effort to be intetionally uncool in a way that might make them seem cool! What’s next? Monocles?

You combine this intentional “uncool” with the casual appreciation with things like 80s culture and vintage fashion, and that’s how a normally cute girl ends up wearing pink sequins, a turquoise blouse with shoulder pads and rocking a fannypack with neon highlights, looking like she was dressed by kids on the special ed bus.

But whatever, fashion has always been moronic, now its just ironically moronic. I can deal with that. The shit that really gets me pissed is the bullshit fake interest in everything. The appropriation of shit I love (80s music and fashion) into knock-off, intentionally “ironic” bullshit.  That’s how you get asshole fake retro-sounding bands like Owl City. Its not like these assholes are really appreciating this stuff, they’re just faking it. Pretending that they think its cool because other people told them that it might be someday. When its runs its course they just sell it all back to the thrift store they found it from and move on.

They kill culture, sucking up all relevance it had and turning into a joke, something they can ironically mock in a pseudo self-referential way while sipping PBR and listening to Broken Social Scene. They ruin it for everyone. Because after the hipsters make their way through a subculture or music scene, anyone who had any actual real interest in it goes away, terrified that they might be mistaken for one of those soulless asshats.

I’m just dreading when they move onto grunge rock (I’m already seeing the flannel look come back). I wonder if they’ll bother with other 90s music trends. Where’s the love for horrible 90s pop music? That’s it, I’m calling it – get ready for the big Jesus Jones revival in 2012!

Oh L’Amour (Tin Tin Out Mix)
Oh L’Amour (Matt Darey Mix)
Solsbury Hill (Manhattan Clique Extended Remix)

The Erasure love continues! Quick disclaimer though, the “Tin Tin Out Mix” is slightly messed up. There’s a very small skip in the middle of the song I could not fix, and the very last note skips once. I couldn’t fix that either. But neither gaff is really worth worrying about. Besides, the “Matt Darey Mix” is much better, and any version of Erasure’s cover of “Solsbury Hill” trumps them all.

Praga Khan
Love (Insider Remix)
The Moon (C.S. Johansen Remix)
Love (Dan Maze Remix)

Praga Khan’s real name is Maurice. If my name was Maurice, I’d bastardize Chaka Khan’s name for my own personal gain as well. These are from the 12” single to “Love.”

Super Massive Black Hole (Phones Control Voltage Mix)
Songs about interstellar phenomenon should not be this sexy. From a bootleg 12” called “Indie Rock n Roll Remixed.”

12 Responses to “Not Pretty, Still Vacant.”

  1. Homer J from UK says:

    What i wear is basically the same since buying 12”s in 83-Adidas,trainers,track tops. I hate it when it becomes fashionable again coz of teenage students,like 80’s culture.
    Since 30’s i don’t give a shit even
    more about what i wear including dayglo green sunglasses(Kurt Russell/’The Thing’ style). When i get 2 40 i won’t give a shit even more. To me the late 70’s til late 80’s was best fashionwise/musicwise & can’t b better! One good thing about kids wearing Nike Windrunners is i finally got one(but early 80’s). Kids please leave Raleigh Choppers,smiley faces & Windbreakers to my generation. And stop calling stuff Techno,Electro,R&B if it isn’t !!! Grghhh !!! Also EMO’s(tho a good look sometimes) aren’t Goths !!!

  2. someone says:

    I remember being in love with my favorite eighties bands before one had to justify it with a tenuous grasp of irony. I imagine it was easier. No fashion triple-bluffs. Pity the children.

  3. Mr. Grimm says:

    A hipster is just someone you don’t like for whatever reason.

    Stop worrying about the fashion choices of teenagers.

    “Its not like these assholes are really appreciating this stuff, they’re just faking it.”

    Really? How do you *know* that? Really.

    The kids are alright.

  4. Perhaps the man dressed as a banana was an “Arrested Development” reference. Perhaps…

    No clue on the rest of the attendees.

    Still, I’m glad you kept your shit together and continue to run this damn fine blog.

  5. Lost Turntable says:

    How do I know? I’m willing to take a poll.

    Its more than fashion, its a state of mind they seem to have.

  6. R~ says:

    I suppose it says something about me that I couldn’t give a shit what the kids are wearing these days. I know that when they start wearing Jimi Hendrix headbands and afros though; I’ll be laughing all the time!

  7. Laura says:

    I don’t really care how other people dress except that my heart skips a beat whenever I see a kid walking down the street sporting a mowhawk. Sigh…SID LIVES! Also it’s fun to laugh at the fools with their pants falling down!

    Loving the Erasure ’cause it’s from the gang that brought us Yazoo!
    Loving the Praga ’cause he’s from the gang that brought us Lord of Acid.
    Thank you so much for posting – even if I’m not all that witty or cool.
    It’s all about the music anyway & “WE MEAN IT, MAN!”

  8. Homer J from UK says:

    Laura-i’m glad that u laugh at the look of trousers hanging down,cos i do. Cool.
    As for mohawks-i wish my hair was not like Homer Simpson’s,otherwise i’d sport one!
    I didn’t know Praga Khan was from ‘Lords Of Acid’,still i’d fell out of love with most genres by 92!

  9. Homer J from UK says:

    I think i might have the answer to why someone is dressed as a banana. In the video to ‘Agadoo-Black Lace’ a bloke is dressed as a banana. Only thing is i don’t know if ‘Black Lace’ are known in the US. I only know this as a programme was just on called 5 worst dances-‘Agadoo’ was no.1!
    Warning:if you don’t know who they are,don’t look them up. It’s party music so cheesy that there’s more chance of someone dancing to the Birdy Song than one of their tracks,even if you’re drunk!

  10. Laura says:

    Calling all hipster douchebags & dickheads!
    Check out this link:

  11. Bill V says:

    The doorman at Metropol (when they 1st opened) used to be a Terrance Trent D’arby look alike….

  12. Jason says:

    I threw on whatever today to go pick up my antidepressant refill (I’m not even lying) and I realized I was dressed exactly like all the forty- and fifty-something guys (baseball cap… windbreaker… button-down shirt… blue jeans… white sneakers). Of course, I’m a 35-year-old guy, so big deal, really. I dress pretty much the same way for work (minus the baseball cap, and sometimes a hoodie or a long-sleeve t-shirt instead).

    Turns out this is exactly what I dressed like in 6th grade. So I don’t feel too bad about it.

    What I want to know is this: Is being a complete anti-hipster just another way of being a hipster? Or is it just being yourself? Aaargh!

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