LolCap: Lollaplaooza Recap

I’m not longer violently…expelling fluids and my head is no longer boiling so let’s do this thing. My computer is acting a little funky right now and I can’t upload any tunes, so if you’re hear just for the music come back later. If not, and you want to know what my angry ass thought of Lollapalooza this year, then read on…

Things were a little different this year for me as I was there as part of “the media.” And let me tell you, being part of the fifth estate totally rocks because I got free tickets AND free water (until they ran out)!

As The Man, my “official” recap/synopsis/review of Lollapalooza isn’t going to be here, it’s at Read it and marvel in it’s awesomeness.

However, I still want to have a little something something for you all, so here’s a few added thoughts on the bands that I couldn’t fit into my “professional” review of Lollapalooza. Each link goes to the photos I took of the band. If you want to browse all the photos click here.

Holy Fuck
Boring to watch for sure, but their songs are rockin’ and their bass was so heavy that it knocked my pubes off. And what is that weird film thingy? Someone help me out.

The Kills
Killer. Holy shit though that chick looks like a more fucked up version of Patti Smith.

Gogol Bordello
These guys are completely and totally amazing and worth seeing live no matter what the cost. Not only is their music (gypsy-punk/polka/rap) unlike anything you’ve ever heard before, they are the most fun band I’ve ever seen. The lead singer is my hero – if I could grow a mustache I would totally grow his.

Stephen Malkmus & The Jicks
Old people rock. A little boring though.

Does CSS buy their wardrobe from Bjork’s yard sale? Seriously. It’s like Lovefoxxx (the lead singer’s name) saw Bjork’s swan suit and said, “nah, that’s too subtle for me – ooh, floral patterns!”

Fuck Thom Yorke and his fucked up eye. Next time stop trying to be arty and try to make your fans happy by letting us see you on the fucking monitors. And Lollapalooza people? Turn up the damn speakers. They were the only band playing, you didn’t need to worry about sound bleed!

De Novo Dahl

Where can I get one of those suits? Are they on their official website? Do they come in 2XLT? Also, what is the weird keyboard that chick is playing? Anyone want to help me with that one too?

Does It Offend You, Yeah?

The band with the worst name in the world delivered one of the best sets of the show. I was in the front row from them and I was almost close enough to snag their cowbell. Almost.

Allow me to elaborate on my Bullz-eye comments about this band. They suck. They suck it hardcore. They suck like a porno star in the vacuum of space. Suffice to say, I didn’t like them that much. On a side note, how come almost all the bands on the BMI stage sucked this year? It’s totally the best stage! It’s entirely in the shade and is usually 10-20 degrees cooler than the rest of the festival. And why was Perry’s stupid little DJ tent next to it? The noise bleed (and random Lindsay Lohan) was annoying.

The strangest thing about this band is that when I txt F-O-A my phone automatically filled in the rest of their name. Nokia must be a fan. I sure as hell am not.

I gave them a glowing review at Bullz-eye but I have to admit that they disappointed me a little bit with an incredibly boring opening that really brought the whole place down. They have to kick up the tempo, dance around more or somethings. These dudes obviously do acid, you think they could come up with some good visuals.

Spank Rock

My original synopsis of this act was simply: “They gave Lollapalooza a huge boner.” But I figured I’d have to elaborate. These guys are now my new favorite rappers. I recently got the instrumental version of YoYoYoYo and I’ll be putting it up in a view days.

“DooooOOOOOoooo YooooooOOOOoooouuuuuu waaaannnaaa dIIIIIeeee!!” I fucking love this band and in a few days I’ll havce some Toadies-related surprises for this blog. This was the band I waited the longest for (over an hour) and actually the most pumped to see live. I damn near lost my mind during “Possum Kingdom” and actually did lose it during “Mister Love.” I wish they’d leave Texas more often.

Rage Against The Machine
Fuck them and fuck their stupid fucking fans. More on this in a day or so.

The Octopus Project
New Life Goal – Marry a theremin player.

Brazilian Girls
They have to ditch the crazy pirate with a parasol and go instrumental, or just bite the bullet and hire Beth from Portishead, you know they want to. The chick they have now drove me nuts.

The Black Kids
Stupid? Sure. But Pitchfork was high for dissing these kids, I had a blast. And the babes in this group are totally two tons of fun. The white one really needs to work on her wardrobe though – yikes.

Saul Williams
Counting down to the inevitable Saul/Bowie collaboration that will cause my head to explode due to the sheer awesome it will cause.

Nine Inch Nails
Little known fact: When you buy tickets to see NIN you also get free tickets to the gun show! I wonder if Trent Reznor spends more money on protein shakes than he did on heroin.

I have a little more to say about Lollapalooza (mostly about the retard cockstains who call themselves “fans”) but I’ve gabbed on enough for tonight. Sorry again for the lack of tunes tonight (or all last week) I shall make it up to you soon.

One Response to “LolCap: Lollaplaooza Recap”

  1. jonderneathica says:

    TOADIES! I liked “Possum Kingdom” but “Mister Love” is the one I played at top volume in the car. “Are you gonna save me? Can you save me?”

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