Strippers & Stalkers

Tonight’s the first night I try my new webhosting service, let’s see how it holds up. A quick tip for all you aspiring MP3 bloggers out there, never use a .mac account to host your files, it’s a total fucking rip-off. I am literally getting 10 times the bandwidth and features at one-fourth the price with my new service (I’m not plugging them until I am sure they don’t suck).

Taking a Bowie Break for now, just some random stuff tonight. I have a big post planned for Friday night since I’ll be busy next week with Christmas (oh joy) those hoping for a big holiday themed post are probably going to be horribly disappointed. However, if you like to kick it old-school you’ll be in heaven…

Express Yourself (Non-Stop Express Mix)
Express Yourself (Local Mix)
Open Your Heart (Extended Version)
Okay, so “Express Yourself” is a great song about female empowerment (portrayed in the video via crotch-grabbing in a Fritz Lang-like future) and we all get that. “Open Your Heart” is supposedly a cutesy love song right? Wrong, it’s a song about a psychotic stalker who’s tale of obsession and demented love can only end in murder! Check the lyrics:

Watch out!

Boom, right off the bat, a warning.

I see you on the street and you walk on by
You make me wanna hang my head down and cry

So it starts out tame, she loves a dude who doesn’t know about her (the one guy that didn’t know about Madonna in 1986)

If you gave me half a chance you’d see
My desire burning inside of me
But you choose to look the other way

But….he doesn’t even know you, how can he give you a chance? Have you tried introducing yourself to him? Maybe getting a cup of coffee?

Ive had to work much harder than this
For something I want don’t try to resist me

Okay, now we’re into stalker territory. Imagine a guy saying this to a chick, can you say restraining order? I’ve managed to creep out girls with things nowhere near as creepy as this.

I think that you’re afraid to look in my eyes
You look a little sad boy, I wonder why

A. He doesn’t walk to look in your eyes because you’re obviously batshit crazy.
B. He’s sad because he can’t sleep at night and is constantly looking over his shoulder, afraid that a crazy broad in a corset and a traffic-cone bra will kill him!

I follow you around but you cant see
Youre too wrapped up in yourself to notice
So you choose to look the other way
Well, Ive got something to say

Still think I’m reading too much into it? This dude is the victim of an obsessive stalker, an obsessive stalker who doesn’t think that much of her victim, considering that she sees him as self-centered.

Don’t try to run I can keep up with you
Nothing can stop me from trying, you’ve got to

Ack! Dude get in your car and just keep driving, there’s an obsessive marathon runner after you.

Now with that interpretation of the lyrics in mind think about the chorus:

Open your heart to me, baby
I hold the lock and you hold the key
Open your heart to me, darlin
Ill give you love if you, you turn the key

She obviously wants to catch the dude and cut his heart out with a knife (her “key”). This is a fucking episode of CSI just waiting to happen man! Someone should tell Guy Ritchie to watch the fuck out.

Roni Size/Reprazent
Brown Paper Bag (Roni Size Sound Is The Music Remix)
Brown Paper Bag (Photek Remix)
This is one of my all-time favorite tracks. Sometimes I’ll be walking down the street and out of nowhere just start saying “Step to the rhythm made out of brown paper”. People stare at me a lot.

Talking Heads
Houses In Motion (Special Remix)
Houses In Motion (Live)
These two versions of this tragically underheard Talking Heads song came off of a strange import 12” I picked up last week. On it there’s a sticker that says “Expect To Pay around £1.05.” That’s an odd disclaimer to make don’t you think? They couldn’t have been exact? I paid five bucks for it. Man, the U.S. dollar really is worth shit nowadays.

Gimme Some Lovin’ (Extended Dance Version)
Raven was a mediocre British heavy metal band. “Gimme Some Lovin'” is Steve Winwood’s magnum opus (sorry Traffic fans but it’s true) combine the two and you get…this. Seriously, this is one of the worst songs I’ve ever uploaded, but I had to because it’s just so amazingly awesomely awful that it has to be heard.

One Response to “Strippers & Stalkers”

  1. jonderneathica says:

    I love the Aphrodite remix of “Brown Paper Bag”. Thanks for sharing these mixes!

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