Has anyone out there heard The Black Eyed Peas’ “The Time (Dirty Bit)”? I managed to avoid it for a while because I don’t listen to pop radio. But the gym I workout at has started playing it over and over (and over and over) the past few weeks, so now I can’t escape its inhuman fury. If you are really curious as to the level of its awfulness, watch the (equally awful) video here. It’s bad. You’ve been warned.
Next to “My Humps,” “The Time (Dirty Bit)” is probably the worst piece of pop shit that The Black Eyed Peas have ever unleashed onto the public. For those of you who just want a brief explanation as to why its so bad, I think Deadspin’s Drew Magary says it best:
GAHHH IT’S EVEN FUCKING WORSE THERE IS NO JESUS! IT’S LIKE YOUR MOTHER BEING KILLED AND SOMEONE AUTOTUNED HER SCREAMS OF AGONY!
He sums it up quite well. But allow me to elaborate a (dirty) bit.
“The Time (Dirty Bit)” might just be the first song to feature every single thing I hate about modern pop music and mash it all together into one unholy abomination of shit. There’s the blatant sample of a classic used only to create a radio hook; the overused autotune, the meaningless lyrics about partying and fucking; the hideous chiptune-inspired melody that sounds like it was lifted from a broken NES game. It’s all there and it’s all shit. Shit that gets in my damn head and refuses to leave until I force it out with an injection of Madonna, Kylie, or some other artist who can actually create, good, catchy pop music.
I mean, my GOD. Its horrible. Its success makes me weep more for the youth of America than any other shitstained style-over-substance piece of computer-enhanced trash they seem to be going for as of late.
Sure, there are worst bands out there than The Black Eyed Peas, but what makes me so upset is that they used to be good! I bet you didn’t know that The Black Eyed Peas used to be a critically acclaimed alternative rap group! Its true! Check out the awesome video for Joints & Jam. See that amazing woman singing the chorus (which is a tasteful lift from the theme to “Grease” that isn’t a blatant attempt drawing pop appeal)? That’s Kim Hill.
Kim Hill is the shit. She left the group before their (not bad) second album came out. I read an interview with her once where she said that the label was pressuring them to write songs that would eventually become booty-anthems like “My Humps” and she didn’t want any part of that. Kim Hill is an intelligent woman who wants to be taken seriously as a singer and writer. She wanted to be taken seriously so much that she literally walked away from millions in order to maintain her integrity and avoid degrading herself for cash.
Luckily for Will.I.Am and the other two remaining members of The Black Eyed Peas they found Fergie, a woman who obviously has no such qualms about objectifying herself for the sake of a quick buck. Want someone to sing about their “lovely lady lumps” and then put on a girl scout outfit and roll around in candy? Fergie’s your woman! The sad thing is that Fergie isn’t that bad a singer, she just allows herself to be degraded and shit upon for the sake of album sales. Maybe she’s afraid to do something honest and real because she doesn’t want to end up like Kim Hill and chucked out of the band for another pop tart who will eagerly take her place? Geez, that’s even more depressing.
Man, now I’m bummed. I’m going to go listen to “Request + Line.” Hopefully the group that made that track will record another album someday.
Ryuichi Sakamoto
Love And Hate (Hate Mix)
Love And Hate (Message Mix – Single Edit)
Love And Hate (Love Mix)
Love And Hate (NYC Personal Mix)
Moving On (12” Mix)
Moving On (No Drum Pass)
Moving On (Radio Mix)
Ryuichi Sakamoto is the keyboardist to Yellow Magic Orchestra, a band I love. He also is an Oscar-wining composer, having done original scores for films like The Last Emperor, Merry Christmas Mr. Lawrence and Snake Eyes. He also did the score to Seven Samurai 20XX video game. What I’m saying is, the dude gets around. I don’t have much of his solo pop work, just these two singles. However, if they are any indication as to the quality of his work, I should really get some more. Anyone have any recommendations? I hear good things about Neo Geo.
The  vocalist on the “Love And Hate” mixes is Holly Johnson, who you may know as the lead singer of everyone’s favorite band of perverts, Frankie Goes To Hollywood. I do not know who handles the vocals for “Moving On” so any help would be appreciated.
Hopefully I’ll have more Sakamoto-related work later this week.
Paperboy
Ditty (Radio Mix)
Ditty (New Hype Mix)
Man, now THIS is a jam. What happened to hip hop man? Sure there’s some good indie and alternative shit out there. But now its all Autotune and programmed beats. Its a drag! Someone recommend me good new hip hop that doesn’t use Autotune! That’s a requirement, no Autotune. These are from a 12” single.