Some Dirty Shit

Has anyone out there heard The Black Eyed Peas’ “The Time (Dirty Bit)”? I managed to avoid it for a while because I don’t listen to pop radio. But the gym I workout at has started playing it over and over (and over and over) the past few weeks, so now I can’t escape its inhuman fury. If you are really curious as to the level of its awfulness, watch the (equally awful) video here. It’s bad. You’ve been warned.

Next to “My Humps,” “The Time (Dirty Bit)” is probably the worst piece of pop shit that The Black Eyed Peas have ever unleashed onto the public. For those of you who just want a brief explanation as to why its so bad, I think Deadspin’s Drew Magary says it best:


He sums it up quite well. But allow me to elaborate a (dirty) bit.

“The Time (Dirty Bit)” might just be the first song to feature every single thing I hate about modern pop music and mash it all together into one unholy abomination of shit. There’s the blatant sample of a classic used only to create a radio hook; the overused autotune, the meaningless lyrics about partying and fucking; the hideous chiptune-inspired melody that sounds like it was lifted from a broken NES game. It’s all there and it’s all shit. Shit that gets in my damn head and refuses to leave until I force it out with an injection of Madonna, Kylie, or some other artist who can actually create, good, catchy pop music.

I mean, my GOD. Its horrible. Its success makes me weep more for the youth of America than any other shitstained style-over-substance piece of computer-enhanced trash they seem to be going for as of late.

Sure, there are worst bands out there than The Black Eyed Peas, but what makes me so upset is that they used to be good! I bet you didn’t know that The Black Eyed Peas used to be a critically acclaimed alternative rap group! Its true! Check out the awesome video for Joints & Jam. See that amazing woman singing the chorus (which is a tasteful lift from the theme to “Grease” that isn’t a blatant attempt drawing pop appeal)? That’s Kim Hill.

Kim Hill is the shit. She left the group before their (not bad) second album came out. I read an interview with her once where she said that the label was pressuring them to write songs that would eventually become booty-anthems like “My Humps” and she didn’t want any part of that. Kim Hill is an intelligent woman who wants to be taken seriously as a singer and writer. She wanted to be taken seriously so much that she literally walked away from millions in order to maintain her integrity and avoid degrading herself for cash.

Luckily for Will.I.Am and the other two remaining members of The Black Eyed Peas they found Fergie, a woman who obviously has no such qualms about objectifying herself for the sake of a quick buck. Want someone to sing about their “lovely lady lumps” and then put on a girl scout outfit and roll around in candy? Fergie’s your woman! The sad thing is that Fergie isn’t that bad a singer, she just allows herself to be degraded and shit upon for the sake of album sales. Maybe she’s afraid to do something honest and real because she doesn’t want to end up like Kim Hill and chucked out of the band for another pop tart who will eagerly take her place? Geez, that’s even more depressing.

Man, now I’m bummed. I’m going to go listen to “Request + Line.” Hopefully the group that made that track will record another album someday.

Ryuichi Sakamoto
Love And Hate (Hate Mix)
Love And Hate (Message Mix – Single Edit)
Love And Hate (Love Mix)
Love And Hate (NYC Personal Mix)
Moving On (12” Mix)
Moving On (No Drum Pass)
Moving On (Radio Mix)

Ryuichi Sakamoto is the keyboardist to Yellow Magic Orchestra, a band I love. He also is an Oscar-wining composer, having done original scores for films like The Last Emperor, Merry Christmas Mr. Lawrence and Snake Eyes. He also did the score to Seven Samurai 20XX video game. What I’m saying is, the dude gets around. I don’t have much of his solo pop work, just these two singles. However, if they are any indication as to the quality of his work, I should really get some more. Anyone have any recommendations? I hear good things about Neo Geo.

The  vocalist on the “Love And Hate” mixes is Holly Johnson, who you may know as the lead singer of everyone’s favorite band of perverts, Frankie Goes To Hollywood. I do not know who handles the vocals for “Moving On” so any help would be appreciated.

Hopefully I’ll have more Sakamoto-related work later this week.

Ditty (Radio Mix)
Ditty (New Hype Mix)

Man, now THIS is a jam. What happened to hip hop man? Sure there’s some good indie and alternative shit out there. But now its all Autotune and programmed beats. Its a drag! Someone recommend me good new hip hop that doesn’t use Autotune! That’s a requirement, no Autotune. These are from a 12” single.

11 Responses to “Some Dirty Shit”

  1. Colin says:

    I loved your screed on Dirty Bit — I heard a pre-release version of it for a work project and it was the most terrible piece of crap I had ever heard. Well, maybe not most terrible, but it’s up there. They made it worse by glomming onto a classic pop tune (which isn’t all that good in the first place) and letting that song do all the musical heavy lifting. There isn’t an original piece music in that worth playing.

  2. Homer Jay from UK says:

    I can imagine how bad it is without listening 2 it,’Black Eyed Peas’ get worse as they go on. Glad u mentioned ‘Joints & Jam’-i bought the 12” b4 i knew the group,& i still think it’s their best. I hate the way they keep using samples & that bloody autotune aswell. It reminds me of another thing that US rappers/R&B(?) used to do- when u think the US never heard of slowing & speeding up samples without making them unlistenable. Or chipmunking voices-‘Lonely’ as one example(i hate that song with a passion!).
    Happy new year !!! d;O)>

  3. Homer J from UK says:

    Also my dad had to put up with ‘My Humps’ at his gym-imagine if u weren’t open minded about music & were in ur mid 60’s !!! d;O)>

  4. Fictional Queen says:

    I haven’t heard that song but just reading about it gives me a headache.Ugh!

  5. eternalkhaos says:

    I don’t blame you on BEP… When I first heard that song, I’m thinking it jumped the shark but they did “Imma Be” so in a way, they already passed it. Screw those Black Eyed Peas, They used to be good before Fergie came along.

  6. juniorDJ says:

    I totally agree with your rant on the crap coming out these days and that P.O.S. track by the Black Eyed Peas (I couldn’t get through the whole video…).

    I had the promo CD single for “Moving On” and couldn’t remember the name of the vocalist… the only thing I could come up with on the net was some nickname… “J-Me” or “J-Me Smith”… The “No Drum Pass” version was different than the three I had, so thanks for posting that one! Looks like the “Edit” version I had from the UK CD single of “Love And Hate” was shorter too…

    I enjoy some of Sakamoto’s solo stuff post-YMO, so thanks again for the posts! I was able to clear out that earlier crap with another listen to the classic, “Neo Geo”…

    Have a good one!

  7. Glenn S. says:

    In the early days of CDs there wasn’t much selection at most stores (kind of like it is now!) so I would buy almost anything that looked interesting. One of my purchases was Thousand Knives of Ryuichi Sakamoto, which I still have after all of these years. There’s some annoying vocoder stuff at the beginning but after that It’s all instrumental and I think it’s pretty good. Nice melodies (some recalling traditional Japanese tunes) and one experimental track that is abstract and atmospheric. May be hard to find these days (I really don’t know) but worth searching out.

  8. tulp says:

    Moving On vocals by Latasha Natasha Diggs and Vivian Sessoms according to

  9. this alien says:

    re Sakamoto: longtime fan, from the days i spent living in the tokyo area, around 1980, when YMO were still a pretty big deal. have you checked out his album, Beauty, and specifically the track “Asadoya Yunta”? (BTW, Blondie covered this song, but to very poor results.)

  10. regularjoe says:

    I’m a Sakamoto fan going back into the 1980’s. Neo Geo is so-so if you ask me but the Iggy Pop collaboration on it (Risky) makes it worthwhile. Not the best intro to him, though. Sweet Revenge is pretty easy to digest (it’s where you Holly Johnson track is from although the Roddy Frame collaboration on the same disc is much better) and Heartbeat is a real grower of an album. The Thomas Dolby collaboration Field Work is good but dates itself a bit.

    Then there’s the 7 degrees of Sakamoto game with all the stuff he produced.
    The Aztec Camera album Dreamland is a must, Virginia Astley’s Hope in a Darkened Heart, anything he does with David Sylvian is worth checking out. I’ve given up on his film scores from about 92 on but Merry Christmas, Mr. Lawrence is a must have. I’ve got me the old box set of that, Playing the Orchestra which contains some extras from Neo Geo. Hard to find but the way to buy the MCML soundtrack if you ask me.

  11. The Unheard says:

    I HATE and the BEP with a passion that scares people. My sisters always seem to be playing their crap and asking me why I don’t like it. Maybe it’s because I’m 32 and have actual musical taste. And you’re right, Joints + Jams was the shit! Great video too! Reminds me that Jimmy Iovine from Interscope thinks that is a genius, which further reminds me that he’s too far out of his zone now to be worth any of the credit bestowed upon him in the seventies and eighties. Just cause he got Dr. Dre’s The Chronic out there doesn’t mean he has the midas touch, and no matter how many copies of the BEP records are sold you can’t convince me that they’re good.

    Good lookin’ out on the Sakamoto stuff! Oddly enough I can’t find his solo cover of Behind The Mask with Bernard Fowler on vocals. I know you hate to be asked for stuff but you wouldn’t have that, would you?

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