My April curse is in full effect already. Sure, I haven’t been robbed at gunpoint; broken a leg; gotten a strep infection; been fired; broken a rib; had my parents split up; or have my car break down (all things that have happened to me in past Aprils), but shit ain’t getting off to a good start.Hopefully I can use the power of 80s pop music to scare away the bad vibes.
Money Changes Everything (This Version)
Money Changes Everything (That Version)
Oh Cyndi, my first crush. I will not rest until I have all of her amazing singles on vinyl. I got one step closer with this release, a really odd promo single that I found in a bargain bin a few months back. Both versions of the track are live, in fact, both are the same performance. However, the “That” cut is about 30 seconds longer, keeping in a bit near the end that’s cut out of the “This” version. Do I need to feature both versions here? Not really, but that’s never stopped me before has it?
Okay, now that I got that out the way, I can get to the important part…what the FUCK does “We Take Mystery To Bed” mean? I mean, who the hell would want to hear that from a prospective boyfriend/girlfriend/random one-night-stand? “Hey baby, lets hook up, I take mystery to bed.” That would be the worst pick-up line in the history of the world. I don’t know about you, but the bed is one place where I definitely don’t want mystery. I like to know what I’m getting myself into, thank you very much.
And now that I think about it, “White Boys And Heroes” is a pretty damn weird name for a song too. WTF Gary Numan?
Everything’s Wrong If My Hair Is Wrong
The Waitresses are remembered as a one-hit wonder thanks to “I Know What Boys Like” and that’s a damn shame. What they should be remembered for is being one of the most interesting and unique bands to come out of the new wave era.
So why are they relegated to second-class status in the annals of New Wave History? While it would be easy to say that it’s because they had a female singer and people are sexist pricks, I think the real reason is because they were a New Wave act from Ohio that wasn’t Devo.
Ohio always gets screwed. Ohio musicians are the Ohio sports teams of the music world, destined to runner-up status at best and forgotten has-been status at worst. People always site New York and LA as the birthplaces of punk in America, they forget about Pere Ubu, The Dead Boys, The Electric Eels, The Styrenes and Rocket From the Tombs, many of which predated the punk scenes in NYC and LA by years. Show Ohio some respect people. It doesn’t earn it that often.
But anyways, I’m straying from the topic at hand, which is the Waitresses. Despite the staying power of “I Know What Boys Like,” neither of their albums have been re-issued on CD, instead highlights from the two records have been repeatedly culled for “greatest hits” releases. But who decides what a highlight is? In the case of the Waitresses, its someone who really doesn’t think much of their second album, Bruiseology. All of the above tracks are from that great record, and none of them have ever been re-issued on any of the band’s greatest hits. They’re among some of the best songs on the record, and are well worth hearing, especially “Everything’s Wrong If My Hair Is Wrong.” That song is spectacularly weird in a way that few songs are.