Dance Music With Exxtraneous Xs

Eighties dance compilations are great because you never know what you’re going to find on them. For example, check out the four radically diverse songs that I’m featuring tonight. I grabbed them all from the same 2LP set, the descriptively titled Dance Traxx. In addition to these songs, the compilation also includes mixes of songs by artists as diverse as Mantronix, INXS, Steve Arrington and even Yes. Because remember kids, all you needed to make your song a “dance track” in 1986 was a good synth line and some drum machines!

Let The Music Play (Remix Version)
This is my favorite kind of disco, if you even want to call it that (and I do). It’s after Moroder’s influence revolutionized the genre, but before synthpop really replaced it outright. Part traditional disco, part electro, and part electronic music; a perfect mix if you ask me.

Phil Collins
Sussudio (Extended Version)
A lot of people have pegged “Sussudio” as one of the worst hit songs of all time. That’s bullshit. Hell, it’s not even the worst hit single of 1985 (“Everytime You Go Away,” “Broken Wings,” I’m sure Corey Hart had something out that year that was worse, the list goes on).

Nor is it the worst single by Phil Collins (“You’ll Be In My Heart,” “Groovy Kind of Love”). “Sussudio” is not a bad song at all. It’s catchy, fun and upbeat. It’s not great, but I can’t see how anyone could be offended by it either. I like it.

However, it is probably one of the stupidest fucking songs of all time.

Do you know what “Sussudio” means?

It means nothing. Nothing at all. Not a damn thing. It was a fake word that Phil Collins improvised while composing the song. He couldn’t think of any other word that fit the song better, so he left it in. Lazy bald bastard. I mean, if that’s all it takes to make a hit track, why stop there? Why not a song called “Gobbly gook” “Blargh” or “omgwtfbbq?”

Actually, it wouldn’t surprise me if Will.I.Am or either of those idiots from LMFAO have songs in the works with those titles, so forget I said anything.

Laura Branigan
Gloria (Remix Version)
“Gloria’ is a pretty direct song when it comes to the lyrics, but it’s still hard for me to pin down exactly what Gloria is doing that is drawing the ire of Laura Branigan. She obviously wants Gloria to slow down, but is it because she’s sleeping around? If that was it then men would certainly be calling her, but that’s apparently not the case. Or maybe she is sleeping around and the men just aren’t calling her back?

I like to think that Gloria is a bit on the delusional side (hence the line about the voices in her head) and she just thinks she’s hot shit, but in reality no one is calling her, even though they got her number and the alias that she’s been living under.

Whatever it is, it’s really pissing off Laura Branigan. She really wants Gloria to know that she doesn’t approve of her lifestyle choices. In fact, I like to imagine that this version of the song is actually a toned down one, and that the original included verses like  “Gloria/get your shit together/I mean seriously, what the fuck’s your problem?”

Then maybe they could have gotten a fake Gloria (ala Roxanne) and she could have written a reply track with lines like “Laura/fuck you and your advice/I’m living my own life/I’ll date who I want to.” Then someone could’ve mashed them together into a rad megamix that would have been on Dance Traxx 2


I think about shit like this all day. Must be why I can never get anything done.

Stevie Nicks
Stand Back (Remix Version)
Stevie Nicks dance party! Quick, everyone grab some lace and spin around in slow motion while I go get a backlight! And some cocaine.

This version of “Stand Back” is only about 20 seconds longer than the original, and aside from that I really can’t tell much of a difference between the two. But I really wanted to work that Stevie Nicks dance party joke into tonight’s post and I couldn’t do that without putting this song here. So…yeah.

2 Responses to “Dance Music With Exxtraneous Xs”

  1. Jeremy says:

    Wow. I actually own this compilation, too.

    Don’t hate on “Every Time You Go Away,” though…that’s some top-notch stuff!

  2. batgrl says:

    I think the thing I always loved about Sussudio – ok the second thing, the first would the “it means nothing” bit – is the part where they came to the re-write, because “damn we must get rid of that fill in word, I mean come on” (someone must have said that) – and then they could NOT find anything else that would fit, nothing that had the right amount of beats to fill in, nothing that sounded right, nothing. And they were stuck with it. For some reason I love that bit.

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