My Tongue Hurts. Here are 32 Madonna Remixes.

Today sucked. Seriously. There was a bunch of stuff I don’t even want to get into, and then there’s this stupid cold or I-don’t-even-know-what that I’ve had for like two and a half weeks now. First it was a flu with a fever; then it was a regular cold with congestion; then it turned into a hellacious cough that literally kept me up for hours in bed. Now the back of my tongue hurts. Not my mouth, not my throat, my tongue.

Really? What the hell? You know what you get if you Google “tongue pain?” CANCER. Apparently tongue pain = cancer. Yeah, I needed that irrational fear right now. It hurts so much I can barely swallow and it’s making it hard to talk. And since I already have a pretty drastic speech disorder, I really don’t need any help there, thank you very much.

And then I get this new router to replace my shitty Netgear router, but it’s an even bigger piece of shit. Hey, all you potential router buyers out there! Thinking of buying an ASUS router? Well, do yourself a favor and just punch yourself in the face. Because that will be less painful than dealing with their shitty technical support when it inevitably doesn’t work as advertised. (This router does not work with iOS devices, and it cannot be fixed, it can go to hell.)

And now its all hot in Pittsburgh, and since my office is filled with electronics and I’m on the second floor I’m all sweaty and gross. And my damn tongue! Ow! Fuck!

So yeah, here are 32 Madonna remixes.

Bedtime Story (Junior’s Sound Factory Mix)
Bedtime Story (Junior’s Sound Factory Dub)
Bedtime Story (Orbital Mix)
Bedtime Story (Junior’s Wet Dream Mix)
Bedtime Story (Junior’s Wet Dream Dub)
Borderline (New Mix)
Lucky Star (New Mix)
Deeper And Deeper (Shep’s Classic 12″ Mix)
Deeper And Deeper (Shep’s Deep Makeover Mix)
Deeper And Deeper (Shep’s Deep Beats)
Deeper And Deeper (David’s Klub Mix)
Deeper And Deeper (David’s Deeper Dub)
Deeper And Deeper (Shep’s Deeper Dub)
Express Yourself (Non-Stop Express Mix)
Express Yourself (Stop & Go Dubs)
Express Yourself (Local Mix)
Like A Prayer (Instra Dub)
Like A Prayer (Bass Dub)
Like A Prayer (Dub Beats)
Like A Prayer (12″ Dance Mix)
Like A Prayer (12″ Extended Remix)
Like A Prayer (Churchapella)
Like A Prayer (12″ Club Version)
Like A Prayer (7″ Remix)
Like A Virgin (Extended Dance Mix)
Material Girl (Extended Dance Remix)
Open Your Heart (Extended Version)
Open Your Heart (Dub)
Papa Don’t Preach (Extended Remix)
Vogue (12″ Version)
Vogue (Bette Davis Dub)
Vogue (Strike-A-Pose Dub)
Now, you may be asking “why 32 (almost four full hours) of Madonna remixes? ”

And to that question I say: Shut up. Awesome things make me feel better. There are like, maybe three or four things in this world that might be more awesome than Madonna and that’s it. Ergo, 32 remixes of Madonna songs should make me feel significantly better. Got a problem with that? Didn’t think so.

I recently re-recorded all of these on my new turntable. Some of my old Madonna rips were my worst rips (many accidentally in mono even) so if you’ve ever downloaded a Madonna song from my blog before and it’s posted here tonight, re-download it. And if you’ve never downloaded any Madonna songs from my blog, you’re a bad person and you need to get that looked at.

I mean, that mix of “Open Your Heart” is TEN MINUTES LONG! How awesome is that shit!

I’m feeling better already.


3 Responses to “My Tongue Hurts. Here are 32 Madonna Remixes.”

  1. Keith says:

    Oh my God, THANK YOU for this post. I haven’t been this excited since the Animal album of unreleased Madonna songs surfaced. This will help get the taste of MDNA out of my mouth. Sure I spent $22 on it, and yes, it does get slightly better with subsequent listens, but “Gang Bang” just might be the worst song recorded by any artist in the history of everything. Oh this promises to be a tour of such a happier, sexier, Madge’ier time.

  2. CakeSaint says:

    This was a bounty of deliciousness, thanks for sharing even in your pained state. I sincerely hope that it does not progress to serious conditions. For now, take comfort in the extended-ness of some of these remixes… I remember finding the “Express Yourself” 12″ in the local record store, bringing it home and cueing it up on my dad’s old Fisher record player (at that point 20+ years old), hearing the opening sound on the “Local Mix” and thinking I’d broken the turntable!

  3. TB says:

    What are the chances of you reposting these links? Just discovered your site, and was hoping to hear the Express Yourself mixes.

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