Old School (and some new school rap) tonight. I didn’t plan on that, it just kind of worked out that way. It also worked out that all the bands begin with D. Although that’s awesome because I can tell all of you to “suck on deez!”

No need to chastise me, I’m ashamed of myself.

Deltron 3030
Positive Contact (Mario C Remix)
Positive Contact (Charlie Clouser (NIN) Remix)
Positive Contact (Charlie Clouser (NIN) Remix Instrumental)
Positive Contact (Automator Extended Mix)
Positive Contact (Automator Extended Mix Instrumental)
Ever listen to the Delton 3030 album? It’s insane. It takes place in the dystopia of 3030, cannibals roam the wastelands and street kids have to fight off evil robots so they can get home in time to watch Strange Brew on TV. Fighting for them all is Del Tha Funkee Homosapien and his crew, who are traveling the cosmos to compete in the Intergalaic Rap Battle. It’s totally awesome. It also features Dan The Automator, Prince Paul, Damon Alburn, Sean Lennon and your mom. Go buy it. These remixes are from a 12” single that I bought for four bucks and will cherish for the rest of my life.

Digable Planets
Rebirth Of Slick (Cool Like Dat) (Crashing Giant Step Mix)
Remember when Target used this song in one of their ads? They took out the line ‘black like that’ because Target is The Man. Stupid Whitey. This remix is from a 12”.

DJ Kool
Let Me Clear My Throat (Old School Reunion Remix feat. Biz Markie and Doug E. Fresh)
Let Me Clear My Throat (Funkmaster Flex Remix)
Let Me Clear My Throat (45 King Bass ‘N’ Funk Remix)
I posted some remixes of this track last year (and I’m not reposting them right now, so don’t ask) but I failed to mention then that this is probably my favorite rap track of all time. It’s probably one of my favorite tracks of all-time period, and can go next to “Atomic Dog” as one of the very few songs that I can listen to over and over again and never get sick of. The Old School mix was the first version I ever heard, and it’s still my favorite, although the Funkmaster Flex one is pretty good too. The 45 King one is weird, since it takes out that crazy horn loop that the song is known for. Even weider is the fact that the loop comes from a song by The 45 King and he’s the one taking it out on the remix.

I went a few weeks without going on a non-music related rant and I was pretty proud of myself, but that streak ends tonight.

This morning I got an email from the writer of a blog that shall remain anonymous. I’m not concealing his identity in order to protect him, I’m keeping him anonymous because what this stupid twat wants more than anything is publicity and exposure, and I sure as fuck am not going to help him with that bullshit.

Anyways, this email was nothing more than a song title in the headline, and a link to his blog where you could download it. Stupid yes, but relatively harmless. However, the tard fucker sent this email out to a few dozen of my fellow bloggers. And like me they were upset for this dumb bitch for wasting our time. However, they most proved to be just as dumb as him since they chose to respond to his message by hitting “reply to all”. This means that every single email that these stupid fuckers sent to that stupid fucker I also got as well.

Seriously? Listen you stupid shits, it’s 2008 – how can you not know what “reply to all” means? I got over a dozen emails that were really nothing more than “Unsubsrcibe please” and even more from idiots that thought they were talking to one specific person on the list and no one else, like their email program knows exactly who out of the 50 or so recipients exactly who they want to talk to. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: People are fucking stupid.

And George Carlin died. Fuck this day.

Usually when I’m this pissed off I just post some industrial music and be done with it. But all the industrial music I have yet to post isn’t very good and not nearly angry enough, so some hardcore drum n’ bass will have to do.

Squarepusher
Squarepusher vs Genaside’s MC Killerman Archer
Squarepusher vs. Amon Tobin
Squarepusher vs. Propellerheads Beat Box & Scratching
Squarepusher vs. Cylob
This shit is fucked up even for Squarepusher. I’ve never heard the original versions of any of the songs he’s remixing on this EP, but I’m sure they sound nothing like these butcher jobs. This shit is so abrasive and experimental that it could be used as a weapon, one that is surely banned by the Geneva Convention. I wish I could track down the d-bag that sent me that fucking email. I’d tie him down and make him listen to this shit on headphones jacked up to 11. His brain would melt. Hell, whenver I listen to Squarepusher I usually fly into a frenzy of involuntary twitches and tics to the “beat” of the music and I’m a fan! I can only imagine what it would do to someone who hated it.

Roni Size & Reprazent
Who Told You (Die Hammer Mix)
Balanced Chaos
“Who Told You” is the kind of shit I’ve been searching for tonight. Agressive, high energy, frantic, iz the shiz. Balanced Chaos is a bit more chill (as dnb goes) but fits the bill as a quality B-side.

If that title doesn’t rake up my hits then I give up.

Vanity
Pretty Mess (Long Version)
Mechanical Emotion (Long Version)
I have not listened to every song from 1984 (yeah, I’m surprised too) but I’m willing to declare “Pretty Mess” as the most disgusting song of that year. Fuck that, it’s the most disgusting song of the 80s. “You made such a pretty mess all over my dress”? When chicks talk about sex its hot, but when they go into detail about how much they enjoy lovestains they’re taking it a bit too far.

The scariest thing is that Vanity recorded this song after she left Prince, making her the only person in the history of the world to become more sexually explicit after leaving the employ of The Purple One. I was hoping the b-side to this would be an alternate version of the song called “Thanks For Cumming All Over My Skirt” but alas, it’s “Mechanical Emotion”, which I think is an ode to vibrators. If it’s not it should be. Can you believe this chick is a born again Christian now?

Madonna
Justify My Love (Hip Hop Mix)
Justify My Love (Orbit 12” Mix)
Justify My Love (The Beast Within Mix)
This song isn’t that dirty. It’s the video that got all the slack. I’ve never liked this song that much. It’s barely a song to, just Madonna moaning out vaguely erotic lyrics to a generic beat. The “Beast Within” mix is great though, because it takes out most of the song’s original lyrics and replaces them with biblical passages. That’s a whole other level of dirty.

Erotic Dissidents
I Wanna Be…By You (Dirty Version)
Jack To The Air Of The Underwair (that’s how they spell it!)
THAT is one of the best band names of all time. Definitely the best electronic band name I’ve heard in a while, beating out Killer Bunnies and Sheep On Acid. The track is officially called “I Wanna Be…By You” but let’s be honest, it’s “I Wanna Be Fucked By You.” This is the “dirty version” although I think the clean version of this song would be an instrumental. These dirty fuckers are from Belgium, which is also the home of all-time electronic smut peddlers Lords Of Acid. If they worked together that wouldn’t be a collaboration, that would be an orgy.

Frankie Goes To Hollywood
Relax (The Ollie J Remix)
Relax (The Trip Ship Edit)
Relax (MCMXCIII)
Relax (Jam & Spoon Hi NRG Mix)
Relax (Jam & Spoon Trip-O-Matic Fairy Tale Mix)
Yeah, relax, that way you won’t rake up Vanity’s dry-cleaning bills. These remixes are from a 1993 12” single.

R. Kelly was found not guilty!

I can’t believe it! The Shaggy Defense worked.

Let’s all buy a truckload of ice tea and head to the nearest junior high school to celebrate!

OMD
Dancing On The Seven Seas
Sailing On The Seven Seas (Larrabee Mix)
Sailing On The Seven Seas (Extended Mix)
Floating On The Seven Seas
I’ve posted a lot of OMD over the past few years, and I have to think that I’m running out of remixes from these guys. I don’t even really LIKE them that much, which just goes to show you that if someone wags and import 12” single in my face I’ll but it like a good little Pavlovian doggie. The “floating” and “dancing” tracks are radical remixes of “Sailing” that just happen to be very oddly named.

Oingo Boingo
Out Of Control (Funky Vocal Mix)
Out Of Control (Funky Drummer Mix)
Out Of Control (Power Mix)
Out Of Control (Fingertips Vocal Mix)
Out Of Control (Outer Control Mix)
Out Of Control (Environmental Mix)
A few weeks ago someone asked for more Oingo Boingo. Well ask and you shall receive. Actually, no that’s not true, he just got lucky that I happened to have more that I felt like posting. Don’t ask. And don’t tell either.

Depeche Mode
Personal Jesus (Hollier Than Thou Approach)
Personal Jesus (Pump Mix)
Personal Jesus (Hazchemix)
I’ve been fighting putting up a giant Depeche Mode post, but I might have to because at the rate I’m going with these I won’t be done putting up all my latest remixes and b-sides until 2018.

Time for me to respond to some comments, AKA piss off my fanbase:

First up:

Interesting rant about musicians trying new business models (Eagles anyone?) from a blogger who posts music for fans like me to download for nothing.

Is this a burn? I can’t tell. Two things though. First, don’t ever use The Eagles to back your argument, unless your argument is “Don Henley is a no-talent shit.” Secondly, going direct with a m massive retail chain isn’t a “new business model” in as much as it is just selling out on a massive level for a quick buck at the expense of your audience. In-Store exclusives are nothing new and AC/DC isn’t doing anything other than selling out what little credibility they had left by doing one.

hello there, this is germany.
you can be fucking glad to get only a few bands from us to you,
not in your worst nightmares you ever will imagine what other stuff
fills the shrunken little brains of our kids.
i give you that:
sound like techno for the muppetts show, voice like hillary c. on acid, title : you got the hottest ass in the world. anymore questions ?
tokio hotel is just the top of an enormous mountain of shit, better never digg at the bottom…

Okay, this is my favorite comment ever. First of all, it seems that it’s from the entire country of Germany – which is totally sweet. Secondly, he somehow convinces me that a combination of techno and the Muppets could be bad. Finally, the tone and slightly fragmented English make it sound like some fucked up message from the future, like a portent warning of darker things in the horizon. Kind of like that dream sequence from Prince Of Darkness.

Blue Man Group
I Feel Love (Jason Nevin’s Big Boom Remix)
I Feel Love (Jason Nevin’s Electromagnetic Remix)
I Feel Love (Shanghai Surprise Mix)
I Feel Love (Jason Nevin’s Big Room Dub)
I Feel Love (The Professionals Mix featuring Rob Swift and Anthony Saffery)
I Feel Love (Human Mix)
I Feel Love (Kap10Kurt Mix)
I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking “Jesus dude, do we really need seven remixes of Blue Man Group’s cover of I Feel Love?” Yes, yes you do. Any version of “I Feel Love” is amazing. The Blue Man Group is amazing. Venus Hum (who is featured on this track) is doubly amazing. So these remixes are a amazing to the nth degree.

Depeche Mode
I Feel Loved (Danny Tenaglia’s Labor Of Love Edit)
I Feel Loved (Thomas Brinkmann Mix)
I Feel Loved (Chamber’s Remix)
See, first “I Feel Love” and then this. This is me trying to be clever. I got to stop doing that. Of course these two songs are night and day. While Donna Summer (or the chick from Venus Hum in this case) sound like their about to cum out of their ears, good old David Gahan sounds like he’s about to shoot up half of Berlin. It’s a different kind of love.

Good stuff tonight. First, a few quick mini-rants.

New AC/DC Album To Be Wal-Mart Exclusive
Thanks guys, that means I can steal it guilt free. So I take it Wal-Mart paid you a fuckload of money in order for this to happen? What about your fans who don’t like Wal-Mart? Fuck them right? Make it hard for your customers to give you money and watch what happens you stupid fuckers. It’s not like you assholes recorded a good album in the past 20 years anyways. My favorite AC/DC song is the one about sex, by the way.

Amy Winehouse Apologizes…
I went from liking this chick to pitying her to hating her. Now I just wish the stupid crack whore would die already so we as a people could move on.

“Wah Wah, I’m an indie-twat.”
Fuck you. This is The Orb’s best album in years and a return to form. Pitchfork should not be allowed to review electronic albums since they wouldn’t know good electronic music if it sampled them in the ass. I’ll link to my review once I get off my lazy ass and finish it.

Okay, now I feel better.

Kula Shaker
Hush (Extended Version)
Hush (Remix)
The original version of this cover first appeared on the soundtrack to the Jennifer Love Hewitt/Sarah Michelle Geller shitstorm I Know What You Did Last Summer. That movie was a serious pile of shit and even worse was its awful sequel. However, even worse than the awful sequel was its awful soundtrack, which included Orgy’s cover of New Order’s Blue Monday; fucking blasphemy. One a related note, Orgy has to go on my list of worst band names of all time, right next to Hot Tuna and Hoobastank.

Coldplay
A Spell A Rebel Yell
This is the exclusive track that is only available on a 7” single that was packaged with an issue of NME a couple of weeks ago. Since no one should be forced to buy NME, here it is. Not a bad tune. I’m actually starting to come around to Coldplay again, which is really saying something considering how much I hated X&Y. I guess that’s proof to the power of Brian Eno’s production skills.

Gang Of Four
I Love A Man In Uniform (Remix)
I Love A Man In Uniform (Dub Version)
Producer
Totally the best band ever to be named after a group of Chinese communists. These tracks from from a 12” single. You can get the remix and the B-side “Producer” on the compilation A 100 Flowers Bloom, but not the dub version. Suck it Rhino!

Babylon Zoo
Spaceman (Radio Edit)
Spaceman (The 5th Dimension)
Spaceman (Arthur Meets The Spaceman)
Spaceman (E Before I)
I had never heard this song before last week, when I picked it up on a whim from a dollar bin. Little did I know that at one point it was the fastest-selling debut single of all-time in the UK, with over 400,000 sold in one week. Apparently it was because of its inclusion in a Levi’s commercial…I don’t need to add a witty comment to mock that because that mocks itself. Amazingly great example of silly 90s electronic music though and it’s been stuck in my head since I first heard it. Added note, the radio edit and “Arthur” mix of the song were remixed by Arthur Baker of New Order production fame.

Something I forgot to mention yesterday about the Penguins game – watching hockey with an excitable Chinese man who barely understands the rules of the game and is highly squeamish when it comes to blood is totally awesome. I recommend everyone find a Chinese guy and do the same for game six.

And on that slightly offensive note…

Garbage
Breaking Up The Girl (Timo Maas Remix)
Breaking Up The Girl (Brothers In Rhythm Therapy Dub)
Breaking Up The Girl (Brothers In Rhythm Therapy Mix)
Breaking Up The Girl (Timo Maas Dub)
The other half of the massively discounted Garbage 12” singles I got from that shitty Pittsburgh store Eides’. If you’re looking for vinyl and are in the Pittsburgh area go to Jerry’s or The Attic, since they got more shit at much cheaper problems. And if you’re in the Pitt area and looking for rare DVDs or shit like that just don’t even bother. The cocksucker gougers on eBay are cheaper than the pricks at Eides’, and you won’t have to deal with asshole clerks.

Massive Attack
Karmacoma (Mad Professor Bumper Ball Dub)
Karmacoma (Portishead Experience)
Karmacoma (UNKLE Situation)
I’ve really been getting into the whole ambient house/dub thing again recently. I think it’s because I’m reviewing the new album by The Orb right now (it’s really good.) It also might be because I’m kind of stressed out right now and 90s ambient electronic music is probably the most chill shit you could ever listen to. Technically Massive Attack isn’t ambient, it’s trip-hop, but I’ve always hated that fucking genre name. These ambient remixes are from a 12” single I picked up a few weeks ago. I love how the remixes aren’t remixes, but an “experience” and a “situation.” While calling your mix an experience sounds kind of cool, calling it a situation makes it sound like it’s some sort of massive problem.

Depeche Mode
Shout (Rio Mix)
Now, This Is Fun (Extended Remix)
I’ve let quite the backlog of Depeche Mode remixes and b-sides back up over the past few months. I had DM-overload from posting so much of them in the past. I’m going back into it light with these tracks, but expect one of my trademarked Massive Depeche Mode posts sometime this week or next. These two remixes are B-sides to “New Life” and “See You” – two very early Depeche Mode singles.

I would have began this post an hour and half ago but something came up, thanks a lot Penguins. The sad thing is that I’m not even a hockey fan. I had to watch the game because I live in Pittsburgh. That’s not an exaggeration – if you live in Pittsburgh you are required by law to watch the Stanley Cup Finals when the Penguins are in it or Mario Lemieux comes to your house and body checks you to death.

Anyways, as promised here is the link to my review to the dreaded Tokio Hotel album. I’m not that particularly fond of this review though. This is going to sound odd, but I usually don’t write in the same “voice” in my reviews that I do here. I try to sound a little more professional and polished (gotta get those good clips for my eventual position at Spin y’know), but I couldn’t do it this time around. This review is just 500 plus words of rotten, evil bile directed squarely at those little fuckers and their handlers. I also got to warn you that I close the review with a horribly inappropriate Holocaust joke. Sorry about that.

On a vastly unrelated note, I saw Coheed And Cambiria live this past weekend. Excellent show. I usually don’t go for that kind of music, but it’s really hard not to like a band who has based their entire existence and recording catalog on a single complicated concept about mutant viruses, planet-wide civil wars and a bunch of other wacky shit. It’s also hard to hate a band fronted by a dude who looks like the Mexican half-brother of Cousin It. For the encore the dude was rocking a double-necked guitar behind his back while playing a theremin. If that’s not glorious/stupid rock excess I don’t know what is.

Seal
Killer (William Orbit Remix)
Killer (Live)
Killer (3D Mix)
Whirlpool (Live)
Come See What Love Has Done (Live)
Hey Joe (Live)
I’m not the world’s biggest Seal fan (that would be Heidi Klum) but I had to pick up this 12” single when I saw that it included a cover of “Hey Joe.” It’s pretty good, and the remixes of “Killer” are nice too. The other live tracks are kind of blah, but I figured I’d include the whole single.

Giorgio Moroder
Never Ending Story (DJ Tomcraft Remix)
Never Ending Story (Tox N’Stone Remix)
Is it “neverending” or “Never Ending?” Meh, whatever. These remixes came out in 2000, some sixteen years after the movie came out and they are not remixes of the original version – so all you Limahl/Kajagoogoo fans are going to have to deal with it.

Garbage
Cherry Lips (MaUVe’s Dark Vocal with accapella mix)
Cherry Lips (Roger Sanchez Tha S-Man’s Release Mix)
Cherry Lips (Howie B Mix)
I first saw this single at Eide’s Entertainment in Pittsburgh about 3 years ago and I didn’t buy it because it was way overpriced at something like 12 bucks. A year later it was still there, but still overpriced at 10 bucks. When I went to the store a few months ago for their Anniversary Sale it was still marked at 10 bucks, but since the sale was for half off new vinyl, I got it for five. I had to wait three years but I saved seven bucks. Totally worth it. I’ll have the other drastically discounted Garbage 12” I bought from them later this week.

I have a lot of little jobs which add up to almost having a real job (but not really). One of my gigs is reviewing CDs. I like it. I get to listen to and write about new music, which is fun, and I get oodles of free CDs and shit (which is the real reason why anyone reviews CDs). I’ve been doing it for a few years now and I’ve discovered a few great bands that I would have otherwise never heard of otherwise. Vaux (who broke up because no one fucking listened to them) and The Klaxons are both amazing bands that I might not have discovered unless I was assigned their CDs. Other groups, like The Grates and The Trucks aren’t as good, but I’m still happy I heard their music and I’m looking forward to hearing what they’ll do next.

Unfortunately groups like them are the minority. For every original metal band like Vaux there are thirty shit emo fuckers like Boys Like Girls. For every great electronic/rock hybrid like The Klaxons there’s substandard boring shit like OHN, and intelligent and fun groups like The Grates And The Trucks are buried under derivative bullshit acts like Temposhark.

However, last week I was forced to listen to what had to be the worst album I’ve ever had the the displeasure of being exposed to.

The band: Tokio Hotel
The album: Scream

Okay, look at this fucker.

Seriously, look at him.

Yeah, the band’s appearance shouldn’t have an influence in how I feel about their music but when you give me something like that how can it not effect my views on the music? Also, since Tokio Hotel is so incredibly obviously a pre-manufactured hodgepodge of everything “emo” they’re leaving themselves open to attacks and judgments based on their appearance. That stupid little fucker looks like a cross between Sanjaya, Yahoo Serious and what came out of my ass this morning. That’s about what he sounds like too in case you were wondering.

I can’t think of an album that made me as angry as this one has. It’s a perfect storm of shit music, shit appearance and horribly transparent marketing (nothing pisses me off more than corporate-designed “edge”) to the lowest common denominator of sad, pathetic teenagers . What makes me even more angry is that it seems to be working, since stupid teenage girls are gobbling it up.

I’m sure I’ll be criticized for that comment so let me elaborate. It’s not like guys don’t like shitty music. Guys with bad taste in music and anger issues have kept much of the metal scene going since 1982. However, guys very rarely dig a band just because of how they look. Sure, we may like T.a.T.u and shit like that, but once the thrill of seeing two hot Russian chicks do it gets old we just go back to our porno and call it a day.

These stupid little girls on the other hand (note: not ALL girls are like this, just a very vocal portion of them are) see a group like this and fall head-over-fucking-heels in love with them for no good goddamn reason other than the fact that they think the boys are cute. They buy all their shit CDs, go to all their lousy concerts and post all about them on their stupid fucking MySpace pages. These are the same girls that fell in love with boy bands when they were younger, their hopelessly pathetic devotion to pretty boys hasn’t changed, only the genre has.

People always go off on how children are exposed to too much sex and violence. Fuck that. Sex and violence are a part of life and both are awesome. Kids are exposed to shit like this far too much; corporate-designed piles of shit forced down teenagers throats until they don’t know shitty from not-shitty. There ought to be a law that says before anyone under the age of 18 buys an album from a band like Tokio Hotel that they have to listen to a Siouxsie And The Banshees, Talking Heads (hey, look below!) or Ramones album to show that a group can be image-conscious without sounding/looking like a bunch of dickholes.

Okay, I’m done now.

And in case you’re wondering my review of the album isn’t online yet. I’ll link to it once it is.

Oh, and I really hope all these mentions of Tokio Hotel brings fans of them here – I love making emo kids’ make-up run.

Yeah Yeah Yeahs
Y Control (Faint Remix)
Y Control (Thre Majesty Remix)
Y Control (Tommie Sunshine’s Brooklyn Fire Retouch)
Karen O. totally stole my wardrobe.

Talking Heads
Blind (Extended Remix)
Blind (Deaf Dub and Blind Mix)
Blind (Vocal Mix)
I usually don’t put up dub mixes but the name of that one was so good I couldn’t resist. These come from a 12” single.

Luscious Jackson
Here (Explosion Mix)
Bam Bam (Live)
Here (Squirrel Mix)
Queen Of Bliss
Surprise (Live)
Here (Love/Hate)
I wasn’t going to post this but since I had a whole New York thing going with the first two groups I figured why the hell now. These tracks came from a nifty white vinyl 12” single.

I’m in a shit mood, and if you’ve been reading my blog on a regular basis throughout the years you know that means one thing; industrial music – actually tonight it’s more like hardcore techno/rave but whatever, it’s still not happy music. If you want to know why I’m in a shit mood read on, but if you just want to get to the music and don’t give a shit about the trials and tribulations of an angry twentysomething in Pittsburgh, then just scroll down for a bit.

This shit is vulgar. You’ve been warned.

So in February by Xbox360 broke. It didn’t get the dreaded “Red Ring Of Death” (RRoD) instead it just started giving me disc read errors. I had just bought Mass Effect so it was a real pain in the ass. I called tech support (lovely Indian people) and explained the problem. They told me that since my Xbox was 3 months past warranty it would cost me a hundred bucks to get it fixed. I was pissed, and I was even more pissed because I knew that if my 360 had gotten the RRoD it would have still been covered under warranty. My Xbox broke the “wrong” way it seemed and I was fucked.

I bitched and complained to various people, eventually getting an American (shocking!) and that condescending little prick said that he could knock down the cost to 50 bucks and that was all he could do. I reluctantly agreed, knowing that it was the best deal I could get. I sent the system out, waited a few weeks, and it eventually came back in full working order.

Or so I thought. That was a little over three months ago and my system has broken AGAIN. This time I’m getting a “general system error” still not an RRoD but the end result is the same, my 360 is a giant paperweight. When my system broke the first time I told the shithead pricks that I had read that disc read errors were indicative of another problem, and he said they weren’t. Well, now look where we are three months later. Now I have to send my fucking 360 out again to their “repair” facility, where I’m assuming retarded monkeys fling feces at broken Xbox systems all day.

What a bunch of shitfaced cocksucking motherfuckers. Microsoft literally ripped me off for 50 bucks. I paid to get it fixed and they didn’t fix it. I asked for a refund of my 50 bucks, since their original repair really didn’t do much of anything and they told me in as many words to get fucked. Of course, my story isn’t unique, thousands of Xbox users have had the same problem, and yet Microsoft still says that their is no widespread system problem other than the RRoDs.

Fuck that shit. Fuck Microsoft. Fucking assholes are a bunch of cheapskate cockmongers who cut costs on an overpriced piece of shit video game system so they could increase their margins. Their neverending desire to break it off and stick in their collective customer base seems to have paid off, as the fucking pricks just finally managed to turn a profit on that giant white turd this year.

I’d love to track down Bill Gates and jam my broken Xbox up his ass.

Buy a Wii.

Ah, that felt good.

The Prodigy
Hot Ride (El Batori Mix 1)
Hot Ride (El Batori Mix 2)
To be honest when The Prodigy was popular the first time around I pretty much hated their guts. I don’t know why. Yeah, they’re kind of stupid, repetitive and lacking real artistic merit but so was every other Big Beat act at the time and I loved most of them (my love affair with Fatboy Slim is still ongoing actually) so maybe I was just in a real shit mood when I first heard Firestarter. More likely I was just real sick of that damn song after a while and took it out on the rest of them. I didn’t actually start to like the band until I borrowed their Greatest Hits from a friend after hearing this track (which features Strange Days star Juliette Lewis). Since then I’ve becoming much more tolerant of them. These two remixes come from a 12” white label promo. The song itself probably features the strangest sample of a Fifth Dimension song ever. This isn’t their best track with Juliette though, if you like her voice I highly suggest checking out Spitfire, a bad-ass techno track that’ll leave you wanting to punch in some heads.

Sheep On Drugs
Motorbike (12” Version)
Track X (12” Version)
Acid Test (12” Version)
Drug Music (12” Version)
I would have gone for the name Ovides On Ludes, but that’s just me.

This is stupid techno. They sound kind of like My Life With The TKK if they took away all the sex references and replaced them with drug ones. It’s kind of charming in a sad, 40-year-old stoner kind of way. These guys look like total douchenozzles (and the guy on the left looks strangely like one of my old roommates).

Killing Joke
Pandemonium (Waxworth Industries Mix)
Pandemonium (Cybersank Extended Remix)
Pandemonium (Dragonfly Mix)
Pandemonium (Nu-clear Shredded Fibres Mix)
I never have anything to say about these guys other than the fact that I like them. Enjoy.