IT Stands for Idiot Time

January 14th, 2010

This is a rare mid-day blog posting. You can thank my job’s horrible IT department for giving me the downtime in the middle of the day was required for me to put this together.

New Order
60 Miles An Hour [Supermen Lovers Remix]
Someone Like You [James Holden Heavy Dub]
Someone Like You [Futureshock Vocal Remix]

I found a New Order single I didn’t already own! Yeah, I’m shocked too. This is later New Order, so I guess it’s not as good as the 80s stuff but hey, lesser New Order from the early 2000s is better than most dance-rock music of the time period. Remember kids, we didn’t always have LCD Soundsystem and The Yeah Yeah Yeahs! In my day we had to walk seven miles in the snow, uphill both ways, just to hear a snippet of something that might one day be considered “dance punk!” And we liked it!

Baby Ford
Fetish (Mainmix)
Fetish (Eons Alternative Mix)
Fetish (Subway Mix)
Fetish (8AX Mix)
Fetish (Minimal Mix)

I’m not exactly sure what makes this track exactly “fetish” worthy. The lyrics are vaguely sexual, but lack any hardcore BSDM or other kinky themes. Not bad though. If you want a really dirty track called Fetish I suggest you listen to Joan Jett’s – that song is so horny it might hump you.

Aphrodite
Heat Haze
This is the B-side to a track called “Ganja Man.” That song is incredibly annoying, thankfully this one is not. A version of this track also appears on the Aphrodite album Aftershock, but that version is about two minutes shorter than this one, so enjoy the extended dnb. If anyone out there is late to the game and is looking for some quality dnb by Aphrodite I cannot recommend his 1999 mix Urban Jungle strongly enough, it’s probably my second favorite mix of all-time, right behind Fatboy Slim’s On The Floor At The Boutique – which has the best mix of “Apache” in the history of awesome.

Euphoria
I Like Noise (The Vagabond Mix)
Genocide (The Original Mix)
Genocide (The Deliberate Mix)

Euphoria has to be the most obvious name ever for a for an early-90s rave act. “Guys, my music will make you euphoric! Like ecstasy does! Aren’t a fucking genius!” Sigh. Seems appropriate then that these tracks are very standard 90s acid house, complete with a myriad of samples you’ve no doubt heard before. Despite my relentless bashing I still like them, sometimes you want big dumb techno.

House Music for Late Night Justice!

January 13th, 2010

You’re going to hear me whine about Leno for a while now, so just get used to it.

Conan announced that he’ll quit The Tonight Show if he’s forced to 12:05, and I can’t blame him. NBC is treating him like shit, and for some reason treating Leno, an unfunny baboon with the most poorly rated network TV show since Capitol Critters, as some big-chinned god. Why? Leno left The Tonight Show, tried something different, and it failed. Failed epically! Have you ever watched The Jay Leno Show? No, of course you haven’t NO ONE HAS. And here’s a shocker, when a network’s 10:00 show is a piece of shit no one watches, less people watch their late night program? Who knew? Oh wait, everyone with a fucking brain knew!

Conan’s audience skews young, and it also skews tech-savvy, so it should be no surprise that the internet is all about Team Conan on this one. You, as a connoisseur of good taste (you must be, you’re reading my blog) have to do you part! Check out this article by The Consumerist. They have listed the email addresses of every executive at NBC. Email ALL OF THEM, do it repeatedly, then create multiple e-mail addresses and do it again, and again, and again. Tell them that you refuse to watch a late night show hosted by Jay “My Chin is a weapon of mass destruction” Leno and that if they don’t keep Conan at 11:35 then you’ll never watch another show on NBC ever.

And if you’ve seen their shitty primetime line-up then you know that won’t be a hard promise to keep.

On a related note, if Jay Leno does get The Tonight Show back this should be his fucking theme song. Bitch. (Sorry for the stupid video that goes with the song).

Oh, and if you are for some reason an idiot and think Jay Leno is right to do what he’s doing don’t bother commenting to share your viewpoint, because I won’t approve it. The Lost Turntable is a dictatorship, run by me, so don’t bother complaining about it.

The KLF
The Dogg Bite Mix
This is a weird mix, it’s mostly “What Time Is Love” but some other KLF jams make their way in as well. It’s from one of those subscription-based DJ records services. It’s actually pretty damn good too.

A Guy Called Gerald
Automanikk (Just 4U Gordon Mix)
Automanikk (4Q 808 Mix)
Automanikk (Derrick May The Force Be With You Mix)
Automanikk (Bass Overload Mix)
Voodoo Ray Americans

That is a really stupid alternative spelling. The song is good though. I like the band Gerald is in more though…

808 State
Open Your Mind (Open Mix)
Lift (Lift Up Dub)
Lift (Metro Mix)
Lift (Justin Strauss Mix)
Open Your Mind (Sound Garden Mix)
Lift (12” Mix)
Lift (7” Mix)

Well speak of the devil! I don’t even remember buying this 12”. I was cleaning out my music folders and came across a huge WAV file that had the entire 12” on it. I’m so disorganized that it extends to my virtual belongings! It’s sad really. The last time I cleaned my room (which was…many eons ago) I found 20 socks, two magazines that had articles I wrote, a picture of me from 3rd grade and a copy Purple Rain…on vinyl! God only know what I’ll find if I ever clean out my basement.

Fuck Leno (And the Cards too)

January 11th, 2010

I’m writing this at 11:11 on 01/10/10. That’s…a lot of ones.

I am disgruntled. All the playoff games sucked this weekend save for the Pack/Cards game. But the team I wanted to win that one didn’t so it was all for naught anyways. Not like it matters though, I think we all know that either the Vikings or New Orleans is going to represent the NFC in the Super Bowl. Then there’s the bullshit involving Leno. I hate that big-chinned prick. Always have. I only ever watched his show because he tended to have better guests than Letterman and it was the only way I wouldn’t forget to watch Conan. I can’t believe he’s getting his old time slot back! How the fuck does that work? His show sucks and no one watches it! So his reward is to go back to his old timeslot? Kevin Smith once said that in Hollywood you fail upwards, I guess he was right.

NBC is run by retarded crack-addicted howler monkeys. And Jay Leno is a walking taint with a chin. Sigh.

Oh yeah, music! Um, here’s some stuff!

Madonna
Rescue Me (Titanic Vocal)
Rescue Me (Lifeboat Vocal)
Rescue Me (Houseboat Vocal)

This is one of the “lesser” Madonna singles, it cracked the Top 10 on Billboard, but just barely. The fact that it was the follow-up to the kinktastic “Justify My Love” didn’t help that much, and neither did the fact that the song just isn’t that great (in my opinion anyways). These remixes take the song and transform it into a house track in a big way, and one can imagine that this 12” was a big hit on the NYC club circuit at the time – which has always been Madonna’s target audience anyway.

Lene Lovich
New Toy (Extended Mix)
Lene Lovich was born in Detroit but her family moved to England when she was still a kid. That is both the definition of “moving up” and “dodging a bullet” if there ever was one. In the late 70s she was on Stiff Records, adding further credence to my belief that Stiff Records in the late 70s probably had the the best line-up of any label in the history of all things. This extended mix of one of her best tunes (written by Thomas Dolby!) is from a 12” single.

Doug E. Fresh & The Get Fresh Crew
Spirit (Extended Version)
Spirit (Instrumental)
Spirit (Spirit Dub)

So another MP3 blog might have a song from the Ghostbusters II soundtrack, but would they have the instrumental version and the dub version as well? I didn’t think so, for that kind of useless bullshit you have to come to The Lost Turntable.

What The Hell Does Pineapple Face Mean?

January 6th, 2010

Did everyone have a wonderfully fantastic and incredible New Year? I didn’t end up in the hospital or with a serious injury. So I’m calling it a success for me. Allow me to ring in the fourth year of The Lost Turntable (holy shit!) with what I do best, a random collection of songs of varying quality.

Suzanne Vega
Tom’s Diner (12” Version)
Did you know that Tom’s Diner was the song in which the creator of the MP3 used to make sure the compression of the audio wasn’t overly affecting sound quality? It’s true! Did you know that it’s the song I used recently to see how much FM interference I had coming from my turntable? That’s true too! The answer is a lot. That’s why some tracks of mine has noticeable hums and such. I’m getting some equipment to help counter this measure however. This 12” remix is not on any Suzanne Vega album and is about a minute and a half longer than the original version. I haven’t checked but I’m betting much of the added length comes from extra “da da da da.”

Revenge
Pineapple Face’s Big Day (Remix)
Pineapple Face Calls It A Day

Revenge is one of Peter Hook’s (of New Order) side projects, and apparently they suck? That seemed to be the overall critical and popular consensus at the time. This was in 1990, I was barely aware of New Order at the time, let alone their side projects so I had no opinion. My knowledge of the group is this song, which I think is pretty good. The synth-line is catchy as hell, and I love Peter Hook’s voice. If he sung the phone book I’d probably check it out. Anyways, these are from a 12” single. Give them a listen and see if this group sucks as much as everyone in the world seemed to think at the time.

Missy
Gossip Folk (Fatboy Slim Remix)
Okay, sometimes I’m kind of stupid. Example: I bought this single today and was quite excited. I like Missy Elliott, I like Fatboy Slim – seemed like a good combo. I buy the record and get in my car, putting my recently bought pizza on top of the record. Not surprisingly, the hot pizza didn’t treat Missy with the respect she deserved and the record got wicked warped. Shockingly though, the damn thing still plays! The needle looks like it’s on a roller coaster however. This remix is a radio edit, so sorry about that.

Tears For Fears
Everybody Wants To Rule The World (Extended Version)
Speak for yourself guys, I don’t want to rule my own head sometimes.

Tripping on Ambient House…and ice.

December 30th, 2009

Did all of you have a wonderful Christmastime? Did you contract a case of the flu that required an ambulance ride to an Akron area hospital? Well then you had a better Christmas break than I did you bastards.

And today I fell on the ice and hurt my back. 2009 can’t fucking end soon enough. My New Year’s celebrations will consist of me, my comfy new couch and my Kraftwerk box set. Screw parties. Trans Europe Express makes the pain go away.

The Orb
Blue Room
Blue Room – Radio 7
Blue Room – Excerpt 605
Towers of Dub (Mad Professor Remix)

The single mix of “Blue Room” is a beautiful thing. It almost makes me wish I had some painkillers on hand (actually, that has more to do with the previously mentioned fall on the ice). It’s also epic; clocking in at 39 minutes and 58 seconds long. I’ve actually listened to this sucker all the way through multiple times today, and that alone proves that I spend too much time in front of the computer listening to music.

“Towers of Dub” may not be the best song of all time but fuck me sideways if it doesn’t have one of the grooviest basslines ever laid to wax. This mix has its ups and downs, but it end is pretty damned good.

In the interest of honest I will admit that I swiped these tracks from another blog, Everything On My iPod. However, my links are directly to the files on my server, and not to their Rapidshare account, that would be rude.

Pete Shelley
On Your Own (New York Mix)
Please forgive me…but I cannot endure it any longer

“On Your Own” is a good track, I’m not denying that, but the real attention grabber here is the B-side. “Please Forgive Me…” is a bizarre seven-and-a-half minute instrumental of drums and synths that wouldn’t sound out of place on a Deep Forest record if it wasn’t so damn ominous and awesome. Actually, it sounds like some perfect combination of Deep Forest, Tangerine Dream and Vangelis‘ score to Blade Runner. If you think it’s boring give it time, it peaks around the 5:20 mark. It’s good, and when I listen to it I am shocked that it wasn’t in the score to Megaforce or something.

Rammstein
Stripped
Yes, this is a cover of Depeche Mode’s Stripped by German industrial perverts Rammstein, and yes, it sounds exactly how you would expect it to. In fact, the version you just know imagined in your head is probably spot on. So yeah, it’s kinda dumb. It’s also kinda fun so enjoy. This is from a Depeche Mode tribute CD.

I would totally hit that blue chick.

December 22nd, 2009

Just saw Avatar. Wow. Go see it now. Well, read my shit here first then go see it.

The Ravers
It’s Gonna Be A Punk Rock Christmas!
Silent Night
Have I The Right (Come Right Back)
Rich Kids

The Ravers were a 70s punk rock band. I am fairly certain, though, that these are not the same Ravers who went on to be The Nails and recorded “88 Lines about 44 Women” if they are, then they used to sing in fake British accents and that’s just kind of sad. Anyways, here’s my obligatory Christmas music for the season, enjoy.

Kraftwerk
Tour De France (Long Distance Version 2)
Tour De France (Version 1)
Tour De France (Version 3)
Expo 2000 (Orbital Mix)
Expo 2000 (Francois K & Rob Rives Mix)
Expo 2000 (DJ Rolando Mix)
Expo 2000 (Underground Resistance Mix)
Expo 2000 (Underground Resistance Infiltrated Mix)
Expo 2000 (Underground Resistance Thought 3 Mix)

A Christmas gift I am getting from myself is the new Kraftwerk box set The Catalogue, which collects every single Kraftwerk album from Autobahn till now. I’m stoked because I don’t own any Kraftwerk on CD, just vinyl, and the condition of those records is a little lacking. I am a little upset about the lack of “bonus” material in the box set though. No remixes or single edits, which is a bummer. And of course there’s nothing from their first three albums – which the group has pretty much disowned. That sucks because I have bootlegs of their second and third albums and while, yes, they are uneven, there is some bitching stuff on those albums. More people need to hear Tanzmusik because that song is amazing.

Like I said before, none of their remixes are on the box set, which makes me feel fine about putting these several mixes up. The Tour De France versions are from a 12” single I got. None of them are the same as the version on the album. The Expo 2000 remixes are from a CD single, but I’ll be honest and admit that I snagged them online.

Everyone enjoy their German electronic music/70s novelty punk songs and I’ll see you after Christmas. Merrry Chirstmas to all who celebrate it, and a happy (belated) Hanukah, Kwanzaa, Saturnalia, Festivus and ZiemassvÄ“tki – if any ancient Lavians are reading this.

Somebody Told Me That Peter Murphy is a Dick

December 16th, 2009

Not much to say tonight and not much to post. I got a big stack of records to record so hopefully some of that will be up soon. Busy week compiling various “Best of” lists for the various websites I write for. Best of 00 lists are a pain in my ass.

The Killers
Somebody Told Me (Josh Harris Club)
Somebody Told Me (Josh Harris Dub)
Somebody Told Me (King Unique’s Vocal Remix)
Somebody Told Me (King Unique’s Frogger Dub)

The Killers made my kinda-short list for best album of the decade. I really liked Sam’s Town, but when it came down to the nitty gritty it didn’t make it past my top 20. Hot Fuss probably wasn’t even in my top 50. That’s not to say they aren’t good records, but when you’re up against The Yeah Yeah Yeahs, The Strokes, Hell, Fucked Up, The New Pornographers, The White Stripes, Green Day, Radiohead, Outkast, Jay-Z and so on some shits gotta give. These remixes are from a 12” and are pretty good actually. Although the Frogger dub is lacking in dying frog sounds.

Peter Murphy
The Line Between The Devil’s Teeth (And That Which Cannot Be Repeat) (12” Remix)
A Strange Kind Of Love (Version II)

Okay, a few things worth mentioning here. The original version of these tunes are from Deep, which is the album that has the cover in which it looks like Peter is trying to blow himself. It’s also the album that has “Cuts You Up” on it, a track that sadly never had a 12” version. “The Line Between The Devil’s Teeth (And That Which Cannot Be Repeat)” is a silly song title, and the fact that he went with “repeat” instead of “repeated” is obviously because he was trying to rhyme “teeth” with “repeat.” That’s a stretch. Also, the first version of “A Strange Kind Of Love” is on that record, but it’s called “(Version One)” while the single goes with roman numerals and calls the second version “(Version II).” As a design person that irks me.

These tracks are dedicated to blind date I had with a hardcore Peter Murphy fan who never called me back.

Spandau Homies

December 12th, 2009

So no one wants to comment on the brilliance of Fireballet? Geez, I thought you guys were cool. What, you’re too good to hear a 19-minute prog-rock version of “Night On Bald Mountain?” Pussies. If you guys keep this up I just might…um…complain about it next time.

Spandau Ballet
Lifeline (Club Mix)
Lifeline (Dub Mix)

So I’m walking out of a restaurant with a friend and somehow Spandau Ballet comes up in conversation and she says “Ooh I love them” so I start a spontaneous performance of “Gold” in front of her. However, her definition of “Ooh I love them” is really just “Ooh, I like that song ‘True'” so I’m just dancing around like an idiot in front of her singing a song she’s never heard.

This kind of thing happens to me a lot.

This remix is from a 12” single.

The Stranglers
Always The Sun (Hot Mix)
Even though I own four Stranglers 12” singles I have yet to buy any of their albums save for a greatest hits collection. So do not ask me how this song is different from the regular version, because I do not know. It’s pretty though. And unlike the other pretty Stranglers song I know I’m fairly certain this one is not about heroin.

Daft Punk
Revolution 909 (Roger & Junior’s Revolutionary War Mix)
Yay! Yay! Daft Punk remix! I got nothing else on this, sorry. It’s from a 12”, it’s good. The Junior in the title is Junior Sanchez. Download it. Enjoy.

Eon
Basket Case (Whitecoat Mix)
Basket Case (Blackcoat Mix)
Basket Case (Mr Raucous Rides Again Version)

This is by far the best house track to sample an early 80s grindhouse flick, unless there’s some unheard classic that riffs off of C.H.U.D. In case you have no idea as to what I am talking about, this song samples, and is named after Basket Case, a classic piece of sleaze from 1982 about a guy who keeps his deformed, psychopathic twin in an extra-large picnic basket as they go on a murder spree to get revenge against those who separated them. It’s an amazing filthy offensive masterpiece and I can’t recommend it enough. Don’t take that as an endorsement of the sequels though, those are two of the worst movies ever made.

Eon, the maker of this bitchin’ track, sadly passed away earlier this year from complications stemming with pneumonia. If you want to check out some of his excellent other tracks (including one that samples the movie Dune) check this page out.

Let Your Prog Flag Fly

December 6th, 2009

I’ve been having a less-than-stellar few weeks, but thankfully I found an album so amazingly bizarre that I think it could actually be sold as a cure for depression…well, if it came with a bottle Prozac and some vodka. Good triple play if you ask me.

Fireballet
Les Cathedrales
Centurion (Tales of Fireball Kids)
The Fireballet
Atmospheres
Night on Bald Mountain
I have a odd relationship with prog rock. I worship Pink Floyd, but I really don’t consider them “prog” as much as they are psychedelic. On the flip side, I used to think Rush was the worst band in the history of the universe, but someone forced me to listen to 2112 and I came around (but I still hate Geddy Lee’s voice). More recently I’ve become interested in King Crimson and have discovered some pretty amazing obscure 70s prog bands like Magma and FM. And even in the prog I don’t like (such as Jethro Tull) I recognize the talent behind the music and can usually appreciate it on that level (notable exception: Traffic – I fucking hate that band).

However, what I like most about prog rock is just how damn stupid it can be. And I mean that as a compliment. There is no shame in prog, no restraint, it is what it is, like it or not. And that’s how we get stuff like a theatrical performance of King Arhtur ON ICE (thank you Rick Wakeman) and Peter Gabriel performing as a flower.

Fireballet definitely encompasses everything I love about prog rock, preposterous concepts, technical ability and a hard-to-define wackiness, all in one amazingly odd and quirky album.

Night On Bald Mountain was Fireballet’s first release and came out on Passport records in 1975. In ways the album is actually restrained when compared to other prog rock releases, most of the songs hover around the four-minute mark, and keyboard solos are kept to a minimum on those numbers. However, it’s the other two pieces in which Fireballet really let their freak prog flag fly in all its insane and ludicrous glory.

The first is “Les Cathedrales” which apparently borrows liberally from Theme One by Van De Graff Generator. Even though, they mix it up a bit, adding a great spacey intro and moving the originals sax melody to various keyboards and other electronic instruments. The vocals by lead singer Jim Como are also an addition to the original, and his forceful delivery really drive home the energy of the tune in the bridge before it delves off into solo insanity.

The real highlight of the album though is the title track, a 19-minute take on the Modest Mussorgsky composition that features every damn instrument you could possibly imagine (more on that in a minute) and some original lyrics about wizards…and stuff (okay the lyrics are kind of out there). Needless to say it’s totally insane/inane/brilliant stuff. It’s definitely the kind of thing that could only be created in the 70s that’s for sure.

If you decide to download these songs (and if you’ve read this far I’m assuming you have) then you might be wondering what the hell you’re hearing. There’s a lot going on here man. Thankfully the back cover breaks down the instrumentation by performer for us.

Jim Como was the Phil Collins of the group, going double-duty as a drummer/singer. In addition to drums he also played timpani, xylophone, vibes, glockenspiel, Chinese bell tree, gongs, finger cymbals, tubular bells (which is apparently more than a Mike Oldfield album) and triangle. I do love that he felt the need to credit his gong playing separately from his drum playing, hell I love the fact that he had multiple gongs! Bryan Howe backed up Jim as the organ player, rocking out on a Hammond and pipe organ as well as a celeste. And while Howe may have been the organ player, Fireballet also had a pianist. His name was Frank Petlo and he played piano, electric piano, ARP 2600 Synthesizer, Mellotron, electronic strings and the Oberheim DS-2 digital sequencer. Ryche Chlandra was the guitarist of the group, playing both acoustic and electric. He also performed various “electronic devices” which is probably the coolest credit in the history of music. Rounding out the group was the Marytn Biglin who played bass, 12-string guitar, bass pedals and Moog Taurus pedals. Their producer, one Ian McDonald of King Crimson and Foreigner fame, also contributed to the mix, playing sax and flute on a couple tracks.

That is…a lot of instruments. One can only imagine what their practice space looked like. Did these guys ever go on tour? I couldn’t find any information on their live show. I do know that they released one more album (the hilariously-named Two-Too) before calling it quits. They have a MySpace page however, and Ryche is even on Twitter!

Despite these all work remains out of print, never released on CD – which is why I am putting up all of Night On Bald Mountain here for download. If anyone from Fireballet objects, please let me know and I shall remove its progtastical greatness in due haste. Until then I recommend everyone check it out, its’ great stuff. And it’ll make you want to watch Fantasia (which for some reason I have on LaserDisc – so I got that going for me, which is nice).

Everybody Talk About Blog Music

December 4th, 2009

I actually have some stuff to say about tonight’s music so I’m going to skip my usually random BS intro and just cut to the chase. Besides, seeing both John Travolta and Rod Stewart on Conan tonight zapped my brain of any creativity. What the fuck was that? Old semi-talented has-been night on the Tonight Show? It was painful.

M
Pop Musik (Tolga’s Version)
Shockingly this is the first remix of “Pop Musik” I’ve found. I would assume this sucker has been remixed both illegally and legally about a billion times over. It’s just one of the most brilliant tracks ever written. Best one-hit-wonder that isn’t Tainted Love? Maybe. This weird remix from the early 90s was from a German 12” single that contained another remix of a late-70s/early-80s dance track…

Blue Feather
Let’s Funk Tonight (Celebrate Remix)
…which would be this track right here. Everything I know about Blue Feather I found out on Wikipedia about 20 minutes ago, so I’m not going to go into any detail, you can read it for yourself. This song is retarded though, and there should be a worldwide ban on using “funk” as a replacement for “fuck” unless you are George Clinton. Okay maybe Bootsy Collins can too but that’s it. No one else. I’m talking to you Red Hot Chili Peppers!

Techno Madness
Techno Madness (Lime Light Mix)
Techno Madness (Original Club Mix)
Techno Madness (Radio Edit)
Techno Madness (Scott’s Med Mix)

Okay, I found it. The search is over. This is, without question, the stupidest techno song of all time. Nearly every stereotype from 90s techno is here, collected in these four remixes. You got the sample of Chuck D yelling “bass!”, random sirens, the generic hard synth riff, and even some “woos” thrown in for good measure. All it’s missing is some hoovers, an Amen Break and that James Brown “Woo! Yeah!” sample. That is represented on tonight’s blog post in that Blue Feather remix.

Techno Madness is the name of the song and the performer, who exactly “Techno Madness” might be is a bit of a mystery. I can find no information on this person. This track was released by ZYX Records, which is a German label, so I’m willing to bet whomever “Techno Madness” is he/she/they/it is from Europe. Besides, Americans weren’t making this kind of stupid dance music in 1992, we were busy making our own bran of stupid dance music (see C+C Music Factory, Marky Mark & The Funky Bunch for examples).

Blame
Spectre
Binary Sunset
Sigma
Point Four
A quick addendum to tonight post to prove I listen to some “intelligent” electronic music. This is nifty neato-keen spaced-out drum ‘n’ bass from a 2-12” EP I got a few years ago. I don’t know much about Blame but I dig his style based on what I’ve heard. If you download these tracks and like what you hear then I suggest you check out this post of mine from a while back for some similar stuff.