In my angsty-rage I’ve totally forgotten that this month marks the two year anniversary of The Lost Turntable. Just like last year I’m making an exception and will be reposting select tracks that people missed the first time around. Once again I am making no promises that I will repost the tracks you want, but if you ask it may come back. But don’t expect anything like this again. I don’t got the time for that bullshit.

Leave requests in the comment section for this post ONLY.

So I planned a big week of Pet Shop Boys posts but on Tuesday I got tied up with school (and by school I mean Super Smash Bros. Brawl) and yesterday my server was down so I couldn’t upload anything so instead of updating I went back to my…schoolwork for a few more hours. Now everything is fine and I’m done studying (my thumbs hurt) so I figured I’d just say fuck it to the slow burn and put them all up at once, enjoy. These are all tracks from my various 12” singles. Most of the B-sides are also available on the group’s B-side collection Alternative. If you ever see that 2-disc set pick it up, it’s probably the best B-side compilation you’ll ever buy.

Quick little addendum. I was rocking out to my extended mix of “Flashlight” the other day when I realized that I could dance the night away to a George Clinton song like that one and not one person would question my manliness. However, if I decided to rock out to some “West End Girls” or “DJ Culture” I’d get weird looks and stares (and I’m sure it would have nothing to do with the fact that I am a 6’6” geek that can’t dance). This is totally not fair. I bet if Snoop Dogg sampled some “How Can You Expect To Be Taken Seriously” then this would never happen.

Absolutely Fabulous 7” Mix
Absolutely Fabulous (Dull Soulless Dance Music Mix)
Absolutely Fabulous (Our Tribe Toungue-In-Cheek Mix)
Absolutely Fabulous (Absolutely Dubulous)

How Can You Expect To Be Taken Seriously? (12” Mix)
How Can You Expect To Be Taken Seriously? (Classical Reprise)
How Can You Expect To Be Taken Seriously? (7” Perfect Attitude Mix)
Being Boring (Marshall Jefferson 12” Mix)
We All Feel Better In The Dark

DJ Culture (Extended Mix)
Music For Boys (Part 2)

It’s A Sin (Disco Mix)
You Know Where You Went Wrong
So Hard (Extended Dance Mix)
It Must Be Obvious

West End Girls (Extended Dance Version)
A Man Could Get Arrested

So I’ve spent most of today huddled in my house hiding from all that snow that’s outside. Before Pittsburgh got hit with a fustercluck of winter weather suckness I did manage to crawl out of my hole and head down to Jerry’s Records. Those of you in the Pittsburgh area should check out his store this month, he’s having a huge 12” single sale. 4 singles for 10 bucks. You can’t beat that shit.

Also, inside the massive complex that is Jerry’s Records a new store has opened called 720 Records. They cater more to the DJ crowd and sell new vinyl as well as older singles in the hip-hop, dance and house genres. Their stuff is a little on the pricey side but otherwise very good.

I haven’t left my house since returning from that excursion into the real world so I’ve had a pretty boring night in front of the computer. How boring? I ended up Googling this blog looking for what people have said about me. I found this comment from Idolator’s comment board pretty funny:

Lost Turntable… that guy just seems to post some of the weirdest 12″ mixes, he just puts up a serious global mind-fuck of tracks I have never heard of, odd remixes and then goes on occasional theme posts. All I know is, it’s fun to see him posting not only Madonna remixes, but then going on some Ghetto Boy’s tangent.

Searching through all those sites that mention me led me to some pretty good blogs, so astute readers might notice that I’ve updated the links section (look to your right). If anyone has any suggestions for more I should add shoot me an email. I try to focus on remix or vinyl-centric blogs for the most part. I don’t like linking to blogs that feature zips or rar files of easily obtainable albums.

I also added some non-MP3 links to the side, including my Last.fm page and the music page at Bullz-eye.com, which is where I contribute CD reviews and such. Idolator and Best Week Ever are pretty big sites so I don’t think I have to mention what they are. Sleeve Face is my new favorite stupid obsession, everyone should check that out. And if you like online radio then you need to listen to WOXY, and I’m not just saying that because their Music Director put a link to my site on his bio page.

Berlin
With A Touch (Rafe’s Tribal House Remix)
With A Touch (Giorgio Moroder Mix)
With A Touch (JohnO TekHousePop Remix)
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again (until the restraining order is placed), I have an unhealthy crush on Terri Nunn. I want to marry her and we’ll live synthpop ever after. These tracks are off a 12” single.

My Life With The Thrill Kill Kult
Sex On Wheelz (Motor City Remix)
Sex On Wheelz (Glamour Dyke Remix)
Sex On Wheelz (Freak Street Remix)
Farout 1
When trying to find something interesting about these guys I stumpled upon this little gem from Wikipedia:

The “Sexplosion!” tour in 1991 achieved a particularly notorious reputation. In addition to being interestingly staged, featuring an actual bar and bartender onstage with the band, the show also featured a male/female duo known as Ten and Avaluscious White, who appeared onstage dressed in a number of different guises. At one point, Ten was dressed as Jesus strapped to a cross and featuring a large black dildo between his legs, while Avaluscious White simulated oral sex on him. This created controversy and protest in a number of American locations, adding to the band’s notoriety.

Anyone got a tape of that?
New Order
Crystal (Remix)
Sub-Culture (Remix)
Dub-Vulture
This is latter-day New Order so while these tunes aren’tas good or memborable as say “Bizarre Love Triangle” or “Blue Monday” they’re still great dance tracks. With this post I’ve now completely exhausted my supply of New Order remixes. Hopefully I’ll find more and this problem will not be a long term one.

Okay, so I a couple of several announcements to make.

First of all, since I have the patience of a tweaked-out meth head downing pixie stix, I went ahead and bought the Ion USB turntable mostly because it was the best one I could find locally. I’m generally pleased with it, but it does have some issues:

First of all, the USB support is ass. The computer geek in me should have known this going in. You cannot just plug the turntable’s USB cable into your computer and expect everything to work. While a direct USB connection will allow you to record your LPs with relative ease (i.e. no external soundcard) – listening to records this way is nearly impossible. For some reasons you need some special software (Audacity – which I fucking HATE) and then still you can only listen to the songs if you’re recording them at the same time. And the playback sounds like shit if you do it. So after all of the hassle I ended up just hooking it up through my external soundcard like my Numark was.

After all that though I must say that I am impressed by it. It can play over more scratches than my previous turntables, and I like the pause/play function it has. It’s very sensitive, so it does pick up dust a little more often than my other turntables, but it also delivers a richer, more dynamic sound so it’s a pretty good trade-off.

I like this turntable, but I don’t think I would recommend it to anyone out there, because the USB functionality is pretty useless. Since I already had the equipment needed to hook up the turntable to my computer sans USB cable that really wasn’t an issue for me, but if you don’t you’ll be really bummed out when you try to plug and play this sucker.

Okay, onto some other news (don’t worry the MP3s are coming). I bought the new NIN album Ghosts I-IV this week and I have to say that I’m really digging it. In case you haven’t heard Trent released this collection of 36 instrumentals this week via his website for the low low cost of $5. That’s just for the download, a physical copy costs more. It’s a five bucks well spent for industrial fans, and great background music for when you’re studying, reading, cutting yourself etc.

Okay, now let’s get to the tunes.

Madonna
Don’t Tell Me (Tino Maas Mix)
Don’t Tell Me (Vission Remix)
Don’t Tell Me (Thunderpuss’ 2001 Hands In The Air Anthem)
Don’t Tell Me (Tracy Young Club Mix)
Don’t Tell Me (Victor Calderone Sensory Mix)
I did not know this was a cover tune until I looked it up online. Turns out it was written by Madonna’s brother-in-law Joe Henry, who is a semi-successful country artist in his own right. I guess that explains the country vibe in the video and in the original version of the song. These remixes have about as much country in them as a Duran Duran track.

Duran Duran
(Reach Up For The) Sunrise (Jason Nevins Club Mix)
(Reach Up For The) Sunrise (Ferry Corsten Dub Mix)
(Reach Up For The) Sunrise (Peter Presta Apple Jaxx Mix)
(Reach Up For The) Sunrise (Peter Presta NY Tribal Mix)
Well, speak of the pop devil, it’s Duran Duran. So one time I was at this release party in Pittsburgh for a comic book anthology. The event was also a showcase for a few local bands, including one that featured a member of the local insanity-fest Grand Buffett. This band ended up being Tehran Iran, a punk rock Duran Duran cover band that performed dressed as Arab sheiks. They never broke character throughout their entire show and closed the gig by going into Flock Of Seagulls territory with a cover of “I Ran” (get it!?!?) Totally awesome. And I tell that story because I really have nothing to say about Duran Duran and these good-but-not-great remixes from a 12” single.

Organ Donors
4 Tribes (Wanna Be Startin’ Something) (Clive King Remix)
4 Tribes (Wanna Be Startin’ Something) (Original Mix)
4 Tribes (Wanna Be Startin’ Something) (Supreme Dream Team Remix)
First of all that’s a great name for a band….if they played the organ. This is really some DJ (or DJs, I can never tell) so the name is kind of a let down. These are remixes of a song that is in itself a highly tweaked remix of Michael Jackson’s “Wanna Be Startin’ Something.” Quality listening material if for the extended “mamma-say mamma…whatever” chants and nothing else.
The first mix is a little scratchy but as it picks up you can barely hear them.

Anyone have an Ion USB Turntable? My Numark is mucking up lately and I’m thinking about buying one…comments?

I’m mostly over the flu now. Still feels like a mucus-heavy slug is trying to ooze its way out of my nasal cavity (how’s that for a mental picture?) but other than that I’m feeling quite lovely – and when I’m not that’s why I have Sudafed and Nyquil.

This past weekend I traveled to the Mad Max Wasteland that is Detroit to see The Foo Fighters. I’ve seen the Foos once before and while they impressed me then they totally floored my ass this time. Dave Grohl’s stage presence and commitment to entertaining his audience is unlike anything I’ve ever seen. He reminds me of Jason Lee in Almost Famous when yells “I work just as hard or harder than anybody on that stage. You know what I do? I connect. I get people off. I look for the guy who isn’t getting off, and I make him get off!”

Dave Grohl should have business cards made that say: “Dave Grohl: Gets People Off”.

That mother runs around the stage like a psycho on meth, screams at the top of his lungs and delivers guitar solos that melt faces. He makes sure that everyone seeing him leaves the arena higher than any drug could make them.

Unfortunately he made us all high as a kite right when we had to drive right into Detroit traffic which was made even worse by massive lane closures. So he basically gave us a bunch of sugar and told us to wait in line.

It was a very long trip home.

Crowded House
World Where You Live (Extended Version)
My favortie Crowded House song. It’s a beautiful song, but is it just me or he really just saying “That’s guy’s a douchebag” in a really creative way for four minutes? This extended version is only about a minute longer than the regular one and I grabbed it off of the 12” single.

The Clash
Do It Now
Sex Mad Roar
Everyone hates Cut The Crap but…well, nevermind I can’t figure out a way to end that sentence. It’s a pretty shitty album all around. However the single “This Is London” was actually pretty good and these b-sides to it aren’t bad either. These songs are also available on that massive singles box sex The Clash put out a year or two ago.

Ultravox
Love’s Great Adventure (Extended Version)
White China (Live)
This is latter-day “oh my god aren’t synthesizers awesome?” Ultravox, not early-on “let’s be avant-garde as a motherfucker” Ultravox. Your enjoyment of these B-sides will probably be dependent on your tolerance of “Vienna.”

OMD
So In Love (American Dance Remix)
I wanted to read up on OMD at Allmusic but it took me a bit because I had to search for “Orchestral Maneuvers In The Dark” and not OMD and since I can’t spell for shit it took a bit. This is off a 12” single that was fucked up so instead of having various mixes of this tune (like the label said) it really just had this track on it three times over. Very annoying.

I have the flu right now so chalk up any typos and mistakes found in today’s post to too much Nyquil and cough drops. Still, I’m not going to let a little crap fever stop me from rocking out and sharing my rocking out with all of you. This post is all Gary Numan-related because…um…I wanted it to be.

I got to interview Gary Numan once. Even though it was just over email it was very cool and definitely served as the highlight of my journalism career at the time. Unfortunately, the interview was for a magazine that went shit up right after I finished the assignment, so it was never printed. I was pissed. This year a very similar thing happened when I scored a phone roundtable interview with David Gilmour from Pink Floyd, but that’s a long story and I already feel like shit enough as it is. Here are some rare Numan-related tunes I picked up last month.

Gary Numan
We Take Mystery (To Bed) (Extended Version)
We Take Mystery (To Bed) (Early Version)
The Image Is
We Take Mystery (To Bed) was a single off of Numan’s 1982 album I, Assassin, and album which in my opinion was his last quality release until he reinvented himself with 1994’s industrial Sacrifice. If you get a chance to pick up I, Assassin I recommend it, in addition to this wonderfully bizarre song (what does “We take mystery to bed” mean? It sounds like the worst/best pick-up line ever) it also has one of my favorite Numan tracks “White Boys And Heroes.” These versions of “We Take Mystery…” and the third song were all taken off of the 12” single.

Sharpe And Numan
Change Your Mind (12” Single)
Fools In A World Of Fire
Remix, Remake, Remodel
I’m On Automatic (12” Remix)
Love Like A Ghost
Voices (’89 Remix)
I wish I had a scanner so I could so you the awesome get-up that Numan is rocking on the cover of “Change Your Mind.” He’s all decked out in white formal wear and make-up, with blue lipstick and eyeliner accenting his paleness. It’s like if Marilyn Manson was forced to grab some formal wear for a wedding on short notice.

Anyways, the Sharpe of Sharpe and Numan is a dude by the name of Bill Sharpe. He was in a band called Shakatak, a group I had never heard of until buying this single and researching him online. Shakatak (aside from sounding like some bizarre never-before-released 8-bit game featuring Shaq) was an early 80s jazz-funk band – which makes his teaming up with Numan even more bizarre and seemingly without reason.

Numan doesn’t sing on “Fools In a World On Fire” or “Remix, Remake, Remodel” and he doesn’t have a songwriting credit on them either, so their inclusion on the single is a little confusing. I’m not going to claim that all of these songs are particually good, but those interesting in Numan may find them pretty interesting (as will the four Shakatak fans who find this page via Google).

Hohokam
Harlequin Tears (12” Version)
Harlequin Tears (Single Edit)
To Sleep
Hohokam was one of the band’s on Numan’s short-lived label Numa Records. I know very little about the band and I’m too tired to research, find out yourself if you wanna!

I got Mass Effect for the Xbox 360 yesterday and that game is chocolate-covered crack dipped in heroin. The main reason for this post tonight is so I have an excuse to put the damn controller down and do something else. I close my eyes and all I see is that damn galactic map.

Must…find…Saren….

Frankie Goes To Hollywood
The World Is My Oyster (12″ mix)
Welcome to the Pleasuredome (Pleasure Fix)
The Only Star In Heaven (Star Fix)
The Power of Love (Extended Version)
Relax (US Mix)
Relax (Move)
Relax (From Soft To Hard)
It’s amazing that I’ve gone this long without posting what is probably one of the most infamous tracks of the 80s, “Relax.” The best song about (not) getting off ever written, it’s also one of the most famously controversial, in the UK that is. Us dumb bastards in America never seemed to realize what it was actually about.

Anyways, researching the different versions of “Relax” is a huge pain in the ass. Not only did ZZT (the band’s label) release countless different singles of the song, they also renamed many of the remixes when they did! The names I gave those three remixes are the original names for them, they are also known as “The Long Version” “The 7” Version” and “The Instrumental”, respectively. I included these names in the “other” field in the ID3 tags. For the other songs I also included th catalog numbers of the albums I got them from, to help stop confusion caused by the clusterfuck of singles out there.

I can’t find out much about “The World Is My Oyster”. My copy of Welcome To The Pleasuredome” is buried somewhere in my room and I’m not going to try and dig it out now. I do recall it only being a minute or so long on that album and not including the “Gonna jack you up/gonna jack you off!” line, but I could be wrong – it’s been a very very long time since I’ve listened to that album.

Anyways, I don’t think any of the versions of these songs that I’ve posted tonight are actually on Welcome To The Pleasuredome, but I could be wrong. If anyone can add light to the situation please let me know.

Book Of Love
I Touch Roses (Long-Stemmed Version)
On a completely unrelated note, this song kind of creeps me out. The chick keeps moaning “You can’t touch my roses.” That’s icky right? It’s not just me? This remix is on the CD re-issue of their debut album, but I got it from a 12” single.

Seriously, it’s rained like a bagillion inches here in Pittsburgh today – instead of crediting Al Gore for opening the debate on global warming and climate change I’m just going to blame it all on him – so by extension it’s his fault I got stuck in weather-related traffic and was late to class.

That fucker.

On an unrelated note…three posts in one week! I’d like to say this is the start of a new, prolific trend but you and I both know this shit isn’t going to last. So enjoy my sudden burst of productivity while it lasts.

N.E.R.D.
Rock Star (Jason Nevins Classic Club Blaster)
She Wants To Move (Native Tongue Remix)
She Wants To Move (Beenie Man feat. Ms. Thang vs. N.E.R.D.)
I wish that N.E.R.D. was bigger here in the states. It’s odd that Pharrell can turn out hit singles for eveyone else in pop music but his own releases by comparison are barely noticed. According to Wikipedia they’re huge in Europe. Once again proving that you bastards across the pond have better taste then us Americans – well other Americans that is, my taste is fucking amazing.

I’ve always said that “Rock Star” is my jam, which is especially impressive because I hate it when people refer a song as “their jam” but very few tunes get me pumped up like that one. When I’m doing something amazing (which, to be very honest, is quite often) and someone comments on my abilities I usually respond with, “You can’t believe I’m a rock star?”

Also, one of my dreams is to enact “She Wants To Move” in real-life, approaching some hot chick in a club and stealing her away from her man who won’t let her dance the way she wants to. I think if I tried that in real life I’d get maced in the face or punched in the balls. Anyways, these remixes are off of their respective 12” singles.

Dirty Vegas
Days Go By (Lucien Foort Mix)
Days Go By (Jark Prongo Mix)
Days Go By (Lucien Foort Instrumental Dub)
So Europe loves N.E.R.D. but we embrace these asshats just because they’re song was in a car commercial? Don’t get me wrong, this is a great song that was accompanied by an even greater video. It’s just too bad the album it was attached to sucked gigantic balls. Well, that’s not entirely true, it was just immensely boring. Dirty Vegas’ self-titled debut was techno for people for Savage Garden fans. So of course, the album was huge in America. Still, this is still a great song and these remixes of it are all immensly enjoyable. They all make me want to get out a piece of cardboard and dance for a forgotten love.

Space Raiders
(I Need The) Disko Doktor (Mutant Disko Doktor Mix)
(I Need The) Disko Doktor (Havana Goodtime Remix)
(I Need The) Disko Doktor (Legwarmer Remix)
Now I’m pretty sure that these guys were big nowhere. I only know them because I heard this tune in a remix somewhere and “A Song For Dot” was on the soundtrack to the video game “SSX Tricky” which I bought because I’m a huge nerd. These remixes are off of a 12” single.

I want The Disko Doktor to help diagnose my lack of funkitude.

Long day. Industrial music time. Smashy smashy.

Mussolini Headkick
Themes For Violent Retribution
It’s been a while since I put up a complete album so I thought I’d dig up this industrial gem from 1989 that’s sadly gone out of print. Mussolini Headkick was the side-project of Luc Van Acker, who himself is a member of Al Jourgensen’s side-project Revolting Cocks. While Jourgensen’s side-project was an excuse for him to a silly bastard with songs like a cover of Rod Stewart’s “Do Ya Think I’m Sexy?” Mussolini Headkick was an outlet for Van Acker to be a miserable sod, with tunes like “Your God Is Dead” and “Plain Unhappy.” It’s not exactly upbeat dance music, but fans of industrial music should dig it. As I said before, this record is out of print and CDs of it go for 50 bucks on eBay. This is a rip off my own personal vinyl copy and I think it came out pretty well.

Oh, and one more thing. The cover for this record is really something – but don’t look at it and think it’s a pro-Nazi thing – he’s really making an anti-Nazi statement with it. Even though, I thought it would be a good idea for me not to thumbnail that one.

Die Warzau
Never Again (Atlantic Mix)
Never Again (Pacific Mix)
Never Again (Dead Sea Mix)
Never Again (Baltic Mix)
Never Again (Caspian Mix)
Never Again (Bosphorus Mix)
I’m sure you’re thinking “Hurray, 20 million remixes of a song I’ve never heard of, thanks a lot Lost Turntable dude.” First of all, stop being an asshole, that’s my job. And secondly, even if you haven’t heard of Die Warzau you should check out these mixes. This is industrial-dance of the Ministry variety, which makes sense since these guys were also part of the Chicago industrial scene. That’s right, even though they have that amazingly German sounding name these dudes were from Chicagoland.