Fuck The NYPD

Not the first time it happened, and thanks to the corrupt ruling of pig judge Arthur Cooperman it won’t be the last.

These songs are about Amadou Diallo, the previous man who was brutally murdered by a gang of thugs (NYPD) who got away with it.
Bruce Springsteen – American Skin (41 Shots)
Le Tigre – Bang! Bang!

Bonus Track
Body Count – Cop Killer
An effort to make this post somewhat relevant to the point of my blog. Classic Ice-T tune (and the best song on the Body Count album) that was pulled after a bunch of dirty cops and shitbag politicians got pissed off. Any song that pisses off Dan Qualye and George Bush is a great song. Can’t wait to listen to while playing Grand Theft Auto IV – which is set in a clone of NYC, so I won’t feel so guilty about brutally murdering hundreds of cops this time around.

Here’s hoping that every corrupt pig in the country gets sodomized with a plunger.

Quick Note: Reposts request time is over kiddos, so stop asking. I know it sucks having just missed the deadline, but take your complaints to someone that gives a shit.

I’m feeling amazingly unoriginal tonight, so here are a bunch of covers.

The Fever
Glamorous Life
Glamorous Life (Fake Fur Remix)
Glamorous Life (Deepwood Remix)
Never heard of these guys before but they deliver an awesome take on the Prince-written Shelia E. classic. Indie-rock needs to embrace Prince more often. I wanna hear The Arctic Monkeys cover “I Would Die 4 U” and Bloc Party take on “Seven.” It would totally work. These tracks are the b-sides to the band’s single “Ladyfingers.”

Snake River Conspiracy
How Soon Is Now? (Prince Quick Mix’s Craker Beat Pass)
How Soon Is Now? (Prince Quick Mix’s Tripapella)
How Soon Is Now? (Back 2 The Future Club Mix)
Another band I’ve never heard of covering a song they have no right to but somehow pulling it off somehow. the eighty billion remixes of it that came on the 2LP 12” single were a bit much though, these are the highlights. They’re all better than t.A.T.u’s version. Sorry girls, but sometimes Russian lesbianism isn’t enough (I know, I was surprised too!)

Aphrodite
Summer Breeze 2000
Type O Negative covered this song and that version scared the hell out of me. This version also terrifies me, but for vastly different reasons. From a 12” single.

The Newlydeads
Cities In Dust
The Newlydeads were formed by Taime Downe of Faster Pussycat fame and were an industiral/goth rock band much like NIN or Marilyn Manson. As I’ve always held a soft spot for Faster Pussycat, I enjoy most of the stuff I’ve heard from The Newlydeads and Taime’s interest in branching out his musical horizons seemed pretty sincere and not just a lame attempt to remain relevant after the death of glam rock. If you can find their debut album I recommend it, it’s where I grabbed this excellent cover of Cities In Dust. I checked what little information I could find about the album and Taime is credited as the lead singer of this song and if that’s the case then the boy wins an award for the all-time best Siouxsie impersonation.

The Leather Nun
Gimme Gimme Gimme (A Man After Midnight)
The gothic sleaze continues! This time it comes from Sweden. The Leather Nun were supposedly Sweden’s answer to ABBA, which is odd when you consider that ABBA was from Sweden. Anyways, this remake of the disco diva’s signature tune was originally released on The Leather Nun’s 1987 album Force Of Habit, and that’s now out of print.

Jacky Dean Foundation
Caravan Of Love (Dance Version)
Jacky Dean (if that is his real name) is a twat for releasing this obvious cash-in on The Housemartins’ surprise success of their 1986 acapella version of this classic tune. This discoesque version came out a year later. It’s surprising level of not-complete-suckness has more to do with the strength of the original song than Jacky’s dance music skills. This is off a 12” single.

Rosebud
Money
Have A Cigar
Remember when The Scissor Sisters covered “Comfortably Numb” as a disco tune and everyone went apeshit? Well, they weren’t the first to take Roger Waters’ dark and disturbing views on the record industry and transform them into club-happy dance tunes, as these 70s disco remakes of two Pink Floyd classics show. I have a feeling these might replace the Landslide remixes as the stupidest tracks ever to appear on this site.

Wait I forgot about Sting’s cover of “Tutti Frutti”…I think that one is still the champion.

I try not to talk about my personal life that much here – I’d rather focus on the music. But if you’re ever wondering about the woes of my life, you can usually get a hint from the violently-enigmatic subject titles from the past month or so. The long and the short of it is that everyone at my college makes me so mad I could punch a mentally-handicapped chimp in the face.

Now, in stark contrast to that sickening statement, enjoy some pop music.

Prince
I Wish U Heaven (Part 1, 2 & 3)
Scarlet Pussy
I love this single for multiple reasons. First of all the running time of “I Wish U Heaven” is listed as ’10:something’, gotta love that attention to detail. Secondly, the b-side “Scarlet Pussy’ is credited to Camille, with no other credits given. As Prince fans may know, Camille was an alter-ego devised by The Purple One in which he put his voice through some effects so he sounded like a chick. He recorded a whole album as Camille but like many, many…many other Prince projects it was shelved and will probably never be released.

The Avalanches
Frontier Psychiatrist (Mario Caldato’s 85% Mix)
Frontier Psychiatrist (85% Instrumental)
If I didn’t post this remix soon a very tall chick was going to come to my house and kill me. The Avalanches’ Since You Been Gone is one of the all-time best examples of turntablism and this is the best track from that album. By extension this is the greatest turntable track ever made. Well, this isn’t, this is a remix of said G.O.A.T. turntablist tune. It’s still good though.

Chumbawamba
Amnesia (Zion Train 359 Amhurst Road Mix)
Amnesia (Decontrol Mix)
Tubthumping (Escape From New York’s Full English Breakfast Mix)
Homophobia
While most people know Chumbawamba for the one hit, they should be known as one of the most hardcore left-wing anarchist rock bands in the history of music. They protested against Live-Aid (via the awesomely-named LP Pictures Of Starving Children Sell Records) and encouraged their fans to steal their records from Wal-Mart. These remixes don’t really paint an accurate picture of Cumbawamba’s awesomeness, so I’ve also included a bare-bones live version of their track “Homophobia” which I think is much more indicative of their beliefs. It’s also radically different from the upbeat dance version that they originally recorded (and far superior).

Someone sent me an email asking (among other things) what I look like. There you go babe. That’s a picture of me from exactly four years ago – around noon on 4/21/2004.

4/23: Hiding picture because it makes my mommy cry if you really wanna see it, click here. In replacement here’s a picture of a kitty.

So if anyone ever doubts my April Curse I pull up that file. Don’t worry, I’m much better now and the scars healed. I am still totally fucking metal though.

No real coherence to tonight’s picks, just a bunch of stuff that I though was so amazing that I wanted to share it immediately.

Prince
My Name Is Prince (12” Club Mix)
My Name Is Prince (House Mix)
My Name Is Prince (Hard Core 12” Mix)
Sexy M.F. (12” Remix)
My name is Prince/And I am FUNKY! From anybody else’s mouth those words would sound vain and utterly retarded, but for Prince it’s dead-on truth. (Except for when he wasn’t Prince, but let’s not delve into the love symbol). I wish I could introduce myself like that; “My name is Jim/and I am….TALL!”

Meh, it’s just not the same.

This is one of my all-time favorite Prince tunes, sitting right up there with Little Red Corvette, Let’s Go Crazy and Erotic City. This song wasn’t popular in the states (once again adding credence to my America Has Shit Music Taste theory) but the line “My name is Prince/And I Am Funky” has somehow entered the collective subconscious. One of my favorite recurring jokes at Fark is that whenever they link to a story involving Prince they somehow work that line into it, example:

Sony/BMG to Prince: “If you give away your new CD in England, we won’t let you sell it there.” Prince to Sony/BMG: “My name is Prince, and you can suck it”

He did not come to fuck around.

“Sexy MF” is the b-side and it is a remix of the uncensored version, not the stupid edit. More Prince later in the week, unless that midget shuts me down – he does that a lot.

Armageddon Dildos
Homicidal Maniac (Crashhead Mix)
Homicidal Maniac (Electric Dildo Mix)
Stuck Inside (Fuck Samples Mix)
In My Mind (Classix Mix)
While Armageddon Dildos may be slang for ICBMs, they sound like something that Prince might have had in his room and used during an especially kinky night with Apollonia. If “Atomic Dog” is my theme song that plays when I’m walking down the street, “Homicidal Maniac” is the tune that kicks in what some stupid motherfucker pisses me off. I dig it. This is the last of my dildo stash…wait that really came out wrong.

Killing Joke
Millennium (23 Minutes To Midnight)
Millennium (Back To Orion Mix)
Millennium (Cybersank Extended Remix)
Millennium (Aotearoa Mix)
More great music to listen to whilst breaking shit. The first two mixes are more dub, the second two are much heavier and focus on the lyrics more – which is good because the vocal track to this song is ass-kicking sweet.

New day, new logo. I think this one might be less hated by all my friends and family. Let’s celebrate the once-again redone logo with gratuitous remixes and gratuitous Russian lesbians (that’s how I celebrate everything).

t.A.T.u
All The Things She Said (Extension 119 Club Vocal)
All The Things She Said (MARK’s Buzzin Mix)
Not Gonna Get Us (Extension 119 Club Vocal)
Not Gonna Get Us (Larry Tee Electroclash Mix)
Not Gonna Get Us (Richard Morel’s Pink Noise Vocal Mix)
Yeah, they’re not really lesbians and nothing more than a producer-made gimmick band – but I don’t care! Lesbians is lesbians dammit. Their first (American) album had a few amazing dance tracks on it and their sophomore release was surprisingly consistent. They have a new album coming out in America later this year, which makes me happy, but they also have a movie coming out – and unless it’s a softcore porno I probably won’t check it out. These remixes are from some 12” singles.

Underworld
Cowgirl (Bedrock Mix)
Cowgirl (Futureshock Mix)
I picked up some early Underworld a few weeks ago. I had no idea they used to be a synthpop dance band. Thank Dog they changed their image. On the rare occasions I lift my lazy ass and go jogging, these remixes are usually in my playlist.

The Crystal Method
Born To Slow (Erick Morillo Main Mix)
Born To Slow (Erick Morillo Dub)
Born To Slow (Deepsky’s Green Absinthe Dub)
Born To Slow (Nubreed Dub)
Born To Slow (EK’s Spider In The Corner Alt. Dub)
Easily without a doubt this is the best song that Limp Bizkit’s Wes Borland ever contributed to. These are taken from various 12” singles.

I promised some 80s remixes for when I was in a better mood. And while my mood might not be better than it was yesterday, I don’t want to hurt as many people – so I guess that’s a step in the right direction.

Check the new logo. Everyone hates it but me. But it’s my blog so I win.

Spandau Ballet
Communication (Club Mix)
Gold (Extended Remix)
Only When You Leave (Extended Mix)
Paint Me Down (Live)
Since I’ve been talking about bizarre band names and their origins lately, did you know that Spandau Ballet are named after the convulsions that Nazi war criminals made while they were being hung at Spandau Prison? That’s what Wikipedia says. Of course, Wikipedia also calls them a soul band, so take that information with a grain of salt. Not one of my favorite bands but I’ve always loved “Gold”.

Talking Heads
Blind (Extended Remix)
Blind (Deaf Dub and Blind Mix)
Blind (Vocal Mix)
Don’t got much to say about these (other than that they rock and you should download them). Taken from the 12” single.

Ministry
Work For Love (Extended Version)
I’ve always found it hysterical that Al claimed that he lost creative control over With Sympathy, which is why its a synthpop album and not the industrial mindfucks he would be known for later. That doesn’t explain the faux-British accent Al! And while he may sound kind of silly with it, it’s not as silly as anything on Rio Grande Blood. I think I’ve bashed that record five times now but I really can’t stress what I giant piece of rancid dog shit it is. This song isn’t great, but it’s always fun to hear this crazy early Ministry stuff.

I’m having another industrial music wanna break everything I see kind of day, so stand back. I have some good synthpop I want to put up but I am totally not in the mood to discuss that stuff right now. The industrial marathon will come to a close when the administration at my school stops acting like a bunch of….shit, I swore I’d stop using the c-word.

Revolting Cocks
Beers, Steers & Queers (Drop Your Britches Mix)
Beers, Steers & Queers (Take ‘Em Right Off Mix)
Obviously by c-word I didn’t mean cock.
I miss good Al Jorgenson. I reviewed Cover Up (Ministry’s covers compilation) recently and it was a sad state of affairs. The whole thing wasn’t bad, but the truth of the matter was that the best tracks on the CD were over 10 years old, and the new stuff paled in comparison. I guess the moral is that you should just say no to heroin or you’ll be a washed-up nutjob shadow of your former self. These are from the 12” single of the immortal song.

Front Line Assembly
Digital Tension Dementia (Extended Version)
Vexation
No Limit (Damaged Good Remix)
Lethal Compound (Harmful If Swallowed Mix)
I’m not the only one who confuses these guys with Front 242 right? The fact that they are both pioneering electronic groups makes it double frustrating/confusing. Oh well, at least I can pronounce their name, which is more than I can say for fellow industrial frontrunners Einstürzende Neubauten. These tracks are from the 12” single to Digital Tension Dilemma.

Clan Of Xymox
A Day (Remix)
Stranger (Remix)
Speaking of bands I can’t pronounce…So according to Wikipedia these guys aren’t industrial but “darkwave.” As a name for a genre, that’s the third stupidest I ever heard, right behind Nu-Rave and Trip-Hop (I’m never gonna get that one). Whatever they’re called this remix of “A Day” is currently in my “smashy smashy” playlist. Both are from the 12” single.

Armageddon Dildos
Every Day Is Like Sunday (Guitar Days Mix)
Every Day Is Like Sunday (Freundschaft Version)
Every Day Is Like Sunday (Come Zhirinovsky Mix – Original Recipe)
Every Day Is Like Sunday (Orwell Was 10 Years Off Tech-Know)
Every Day Is Like Sunday (The Longer Version That They Forgot To Close Down)
Holy shit that’s that best band name ever. Not only is it crass, stupid and vulgar, it actually means something (cold-war slang for ICBMs)! They should totally go on tour with Steely Dan (that’s right kids, your dad’s favorite band is named after a sex toy). These remixes are radically different from each other and are practically different songs. Some of them even feature completely re-recorded vocals. They all feature brilliantly retarded remix titles too.

I just noticed I started this post with cock and ended it with a dildo reference. That was surprisingly not planned.

I’ve previously gushed about my love for Moog lounge music before, and the fact that this rather peculiar genre doesn’t get more respect confounds me. While there are Moog albums that are nothing more than quickly hobbled-together cover tunes of modern favorites, there are some that are genuinely interesting and well-made. Even some of the covers albums are good when taken for what they are. Here are three complete albums, all out-of-print, all fine examples of classic Moog and synthesizer-driven music. They certainly don’t make them like this anymore (and don’t point me to The Moog Cookbook to prove me wrong, it’s just not the same).

For those of you who don’t like this stuff, I’ll have some remixes of 80s tunes later this week, so calm down.

Stardrive – s/t
This. Album. Is. Fucking. Amazing.
This is the full text from the back of the record sleeve:

Stardrive is a ridiculously unique rock band put together by an equally spacey musician-inventor to combat the dullness found in synthesized music. After years of living with electronic music, Robert Mason decided it was time to do something different with a synthesizer. As it was, the existing machines could play a lot of notes and make very bizarre sounds but they couldn’t function as keyboard instruments. They couldn’t play chords. They could maneuver, They couldn’t be…FUNKY.

Experimenting with all the existing models of machinery and finding them of no use to his musical aim, Mason decided to build his own synthesizer. Two years and countless short circuits later, we have Stardrive…the first rock band on earth to feature a synthesizer as LEAD instrument. No tedious blooze guitar. No lisping vocalists. Just Mason and his extra-special, extra-terrestrial machine, zipping through fuckafide space like greased lightning. Taking you to a rock realm where the only glitter you can see is in the stars. Beyond musical cliches. Beyond space. Twilight Zone, anyone?

Those are some ambitious linear notes. According to the little information I found out about these guys on the net, Mason’s synthesizer was the very first one that could be played like a keyboard. If that’s true than holy shit that’s very impressive. It’s almost as impressive as the technicolor pirate shirt the dude is sporting on the back cover (I got to buy a scanner!)

As implied by those totally modest linear notes, Stardrive called itself a funk band. For the most part that label works, especially on the opening track “Funkascensions” and on the closing “Journey.” All those tunes are missing is some Bootsy Collins. If you thought the early electronic albums I posted in the past were kind of silly and just barely music, then you should check this one out. It’s very music 70s instrumental funk…with an insane synthesizer thrown in. This is a lost gem just waiting to be rediscovered (and sampled the funk out of).

Dick Hyman
Moog: The Eclectic Electrics Of Dick Hyman
The Age Of Electronicus
Dick Hyman (aside from having one of the most unfortunate names in history) is most well-known as an incredible jazz pianist who can play in a variety of styles. In the 60s however, the dude became enthralled with the Moog and in 1969 released Moog: The Eclectic Electrics of Dick Hyman. It was one of the first (to my knowledge) Moog albums to be comprised mostly of original compositions. Most before it were collections of classical music done Moog style (see Wendy Carlos’ excellent “Switched On” series for examples of those). Electric Electric was re-issued on CD sometime ago and has since gone out of print again. It is a crown example of “lounge” music and a must-listen for fans of electronic music. And if you’re listening to it and occasionally find yourself thinking, ‘I know I head that before’, that’s because Beck sampled it. This is one of the very first records I ever recorded to my computer, so don’t bitch to me if it has problems because I was still learning then and working with a shit turntable.

The Age Of Electronicus came out the same year as Eclectic Electrics but it’s not nearly as diverse or entertaining as that groundbreaking album. It consists entirely of covers, including two Beatles remakes (Ob-la-di, Ob-la-da, and Blackbird). Hyman’s takes on some of the songs are great though, especially the instrumental classic “Green Onions” and the James Brown tune “Give It Up Or Turn It Loose”. The latter of those two was actually put on the CD re-release of Eclectic Electric. It’s a fun record.

No more reposts. I was going to put up some of my favorite tracks/albums but I decided against it because…well…I just don’t wanna. If you really want to know what I recommend the most out of everything I’ve ever put on this site the click here.

Oh, and to this dude:

are you ripping some of these from vinyl?

Gee, what would make you think that the tracks on The Lost TURNTABLE were vinyl rips?

Sigh.

You are all lucky this retard asked that AFTER someone asked for The Howard The Duck soundtrack (therefore restoring my faith in humanity) or I might of taken all your repost requests and re-shoved them up your re-ass.

For the rest of you, I present the greatest four tracks ever posted on The Lost Turntable (and yes, they’re vinyl rips).

Rick Astley
Never Gonna Give You Up (Cake Mix)
Never Gonna Give You Up (Escape To New York Mix)
Never Gonna Give You Up (Escape From Newton Mix)
Never Gonna Give You Up (Instrumental)
I’ve been watching this wave of stupidity gather speed for some time and now that it’s reaching tsunami levels I think it’s time for me to jump on with these awesome remixes of the stupid song that is sweeping the internets and causing massive lulz.

Hey Anonymous, mix it up (literally) and use these mixes for your next Scientology protest!

That’s all for tonight, and this week’s going to be light on new content because of the suckage of school. More this weekend.