This will be my last post for at least a week. Tomorrow I am heading for the lovely Toledo, Ohio and from there Chicago for three days of motherfucking rocking at Lollapalooza. So in the mean time here are a bunch of tracks that you 80s fans (i.e. 80% of my readers) should enjoy.

When I come back I’ll be doing my usual Lolla recap, but if you can’t wait till then I’ll be Twittering throughout the weekend during the downtime between acts (I don’t use my phone during a performance, remember my rules). So bookmark this link if you want to be in the know. Hopefully my posts will consist of more than “that asshole in front of me is a prick” and “it’s too damn hot.”

Erasure
Oh L’Amour (LMC Extended Remix)
Oh L’Amour (Kenny Hayes Remix)
Oh L’Amour (Shanghai Surprize Remix)
Oh L’Amour (LMC Instrumental Remix)
Breath Of Life (Aire Clarke Mix)
Sometimes (12” Mix)
Sexuality (12” Mix)
I have to be running out of Erasure remixes to post by now. I just picked up these in that massive record-trade binge that also saw me blindly buying far too much Genesis and Tina Turner. That remix of Sexuality is different than the other 12” remix of that song I put up several months ago, and much better as well.

Depeche Mode
Christmas Island (Extended)
People Are People (Live)
It Doesn’t Matter Two (Instrumental)
A Question Of Lust (Minimal)
I was originally going to post all my Depeche Mode tracks tonight, but I realize that was insane considering A: That’s over 80 tracks and B: Most them are pretty damn obscure. However, when I was planning that I was considering sick/stupid pun titles tonight including “Mother Mode” “Modeus Operendi” and my favorite/worst “I Just Blew My Mode.” I’m going to file that one for later.

Pet Shop Boys
Can You Forgive Her? (Rollo Remix)
Can You Forgive Her? (MK Remix)
Domino Dancing (Disco Mix)
Don Juan (Disco Mix)
Domino Dancing (Alternative Mix)
Next to Depeche Mode The Pet Shop Boys are probably the artist that is currently backlogged the most in my to-be-posted que. I got to take care of that because between all the Erasure, Depeche Mode and Pet Shop Boys MP3s my “songs to post” playlist is turning into one huge gay disco (albiet one incredibly awesome huge gay disco.)

New Order
World (Perfecto Mix)
World (The Sexy Disco Dub Mix)
World (World In Action Mix)
World (Brothers In Rhythm Mix)
Ruined In A Day (Reunited In A Day Remix)
Ruined In A Day (Bogle Mix)
There are next to no New Order songs in my que though, as I usually record, edit and upload these fuckers as soon as possible. I do have one more 12” that I haven’t uploaded yet, and I’ll be doing that when I get back from Lolla.

Ian Dury
Hit Me With Your Rhythm Stick (Disco Version)
Four synthpop legends and a pub-rocker with Polio. Someone doesn’t blend in here. This remix came from a 12” single. Little know fact: “Hit Me With Your Rhythm Stick” is the best song ever recorded. Yes, that is a fact, I looked it up…in my mind.

Later this week I’m leaving the wonderful oasis of Pittsburgh for Chicago and the non-stop rocking that is Lollapalooza. Because of other commitments in the days preceeded and following the concert I’ll be away for nearly a week. Don’t fret though, I’m working on a massive post to tide all you over and make the week without me as close as it can be to livable. Until then here is some unapologetic 80s pop music.

Genesis
Land Of Confusion (Extended Mix)
Invisible Touch (Special Remix Version)
Tonight, Tonight, Tonight (Remix)
Tonight, Tonight, Tonight (12” Remix)
So I’m at the record store. I just traded in a bunch of shitty 12” singles for store credit and got a $160 to burn. Browsing through the rock 12” section I find the single to “Land Of Confusion” and grab it immediately. A great song, one of Collins-era Genesis best and one of the few meaningful protest songs of the 80s. With my interest in Genesis slightly piqued I dig through the crate and find the 12” single for “Tonight, Tonight, Tonight.” Another amazing tune, and this single has two remixes of that classic. It’s a great song that’s dark and twisted (most people don’t realize it’s about a junkie). Now I’m in full-on Genesis revisionist mode. “Invisible Touch!” Well shit I gotta buy that! I’ve never really given post-Peter Gabriel Genesis a chance past a few choice cuts. Maybe I should give them a second chance. Maybe I was wrong to…

Oh wait, there’s a twelve inch for “Sussudio”….nevermind.

Quick technical note: The audio on the regular remix of “Tonight…” is a little weird, at about 2:40 it cuts down for a second and then shoots back up. But it’s not my turntable’s vault – it’s just an odd mix.

Tina Turner
Better Be Good To Me (Extended Version)
Goldeneye (Morales Club Mix)
I Can’t Stand The Rain (Extended Remix)
Let’s Pretend We’re Married (Live)
One Of The Living (Special Club Mix)
One of my all-time favorite female vocalists. For some reason Tina reminds me of the 80s more than most of the “80s” artists I put up here. That’s probably because, unlike Depeche Mode and Yaz, I actually listened to Tina Turner when I was a kid. While I’m not likely to put on a Tina record that much anymore, there are few songs of hers that I love to this day, and thankfully I was able to get all of them this weekend! I was also happy to discover that the b-side to “I Can’t Stand The Rain” was a cover of Prince’s “Let’s Pretend We’re Married.”

Another quick technical note: The previously mentioned cover of “Let’s Pretend We’re Married” ends very suddenly. But once again, it’s not my fault – that’ s how it is on the record.

The only thing that pisses me off more than sub-human radio DJs is shitty writing.

Anyone else loving the shit that Pitchfork is getting for their bullshit review of The Black Kids’ debut LP? I sure as hell am. I’ve previously slammed the elitist music site for their pretentious “writing” and it’s great to see that others are beginning to take notice of their douchebag ways.

Like I said before, I don’t care if they, or anybody else for that matter, hates an album. Hate all you want! We all know I’m a hateful asshole! But if you’re going to call yourself a music critic then you should have the balls to back up your opinion. That’s what being a critic means! Way to be a bunch of lazy assholes. If you don’t want to put forth the effort to actually write and back up your opinion then you don’t deserve to be a music critic. I know dozens of people that would kill for the chance to get paid to write about music.

This “review” is also insulting because it implies that without Pitchfork The Black Kids wouldn’t exist in the first place. I know Pitchfork is a powerful force in the world of online music magazines, but get over yourself already. And if you’re really solely responsible for the rise of The Black Kids and you feel as if you’ve made a grievous error in doing so then we deserve a better apology than a dog version of LOLcats.

And while I’m on that topic, ever notice that Pitchfork’s “joke” reviews seem to draw from internet fads that hae already come and gone 10 times over? As I said before that video of the monkey drinking it’s own piss that they used for the Jet review is only about five minutes older than the internet itself.

I highly doubt anyone at Pitchfork reads my dinky little blog, but just in case they do I’ve also prepared a criticial analysis of their site specially for them, “written” in their language:

(Image stolen from Hugpug.com)

Men Without Hats
Moonbeam (Extended Vocal Version)
Dub Beam
Moonbeam (House Is A Home Mix)
Moonbeam (Bacc-A-Apella/Vocal)
I wonder what Pitchfork would say about Men Without Hats? They’d probably love them becuase they’re from Montreal. Think about it, you can totally hear the Men Without Hats influences in Arcade Fire. These tracks are from a 12” single. And this song kicks total ass by the way.

Art Of Noise
Yebo! (Club Mix)
Yebo! (Underground Mix)
Yebo! (Mbaganga Mix)
I’m surprised at myself for not featuring more Art Of Noise tracks. All I’ve put up so far was been their more gimmicky work including that song with Max Headroom and their awful remake of the theme to Dragnet. I got some more Art Of Noise but I’m going to have to re-record them because they sound like shit. “Yebo!” isn’t one of the group’s more well-known singles, but I like it. I think it’s one of the better world music/electronica combinations.

Depeche Mode
Master And Servant (U.S. Black & Blue Version)
(Set Me Free) Remotivate Me
Are People People?
The Meaning Of Love (Fairly Odd Mix)
Oberkorn (It’s A Small Town) (Development Mix)
Only about 60 or so more Depeche Mode remixes/b-sides and then I’m done. It’s going to be a long couple of months. These are from some 12” singles. You can find out which ones by downloading them.

Offfensive Political Rant

Michael Savage is a horrible c-nt. I hope his dick gets ripped off and shoved up his own asshole, two horses in heat try to copulate with his ears and an angry ice scream server scoops out his eyes with one of those heated spoon things so someone pour kerosene down his eye sockets and light the stupid motherfucker on fire.

Sure, I could have just called the idiot an asshole, but when I insult someone I do it creatively.

On a related note, Michael Savage’s son owns Rockstar. I think it’s time we stopped drinking that energy drink.

End Of Offensive Political Rant

The real sad part is that this isn’t the most disgusting thing I heard all weekend? I mean, did you hear the new Chris Cornell song?!?!? It’s just…I mean…..damn.

Okay, now onto the music for tonight.

Moby
Everytime You Touch Me (12” Beatmasters Mix)
Everytime You Touch Me (Freestyle Mix)
Everytime You Touch Me (Uplifting Edit)
Everytime You Touch Me (Progressive Edit)
Everytime You Touch Me (Na Feel Mix)
Everytime You Touch Me (Organic Mix)
Everytime You Touch Me (NYC Jungle Mix)
Everytime You Touch Me (Pure Joy Mix)
What is the reggae dude yelling in this song? “Every masse is real from the scene?” Huh? Can someone please translate for me? I don’t speak “awesome MC dude.” In case your wondering that’s nearly 50 minutes of “Everytime You Touch Me.” Excessive? Yeah probably, but Moby once released an entire CD of “Go” remixes. So this is light by comparison. And it’s a great song. I got all of these from a 2-LP 12” promo single set. Some of them were never put on CD as far as I know.

Depeche Mode
Home (Jedi Knights Remix Drowning In Time)
Home (Air “Around The Golf” Remix)
Home (Meant To Be)
Home (Grantby Mix)
It looks like Depeche Mode hired whomever does the remix naming for Erasure when it came to the first two “Home” remixes. But while “Jedi Knights Remix Drowning In Time” is a pretty sweet remix title, it still doesn’t hold a candle to “Orbital Southsea Isle Of Holy Beats Mix” or “Truly In Love With The Marx Bros. Mix” (actual Erasure remix titles). These remixes are from a 12” single.

This is the most 80s my blog has been in a very long while. Get out your day-glo.

Aztec Camera
Somewhere In My Heart (Remix)
Somewhere In My Heart (Alternate Mix)
I know very little about this band. In fact the only reason I own this 12” single is because a friend asked me to record it for them. I heard they did a duet with Mick Jones though, I’ll have to track that single down. Awesome band name though.

Underworld
Stand Up (Extended Dance Mix)
Stand Up (Ya House Mix)
Outskirts
Underneath The Radar (12” Remix)
Did you know that Underworld used to be a synthpop dance band? I sure as hell didn’t when I picked up these singles so imagine my surprise. Not only was I surprised by the songs’ decidedly Top 40-ness, I was also surprised by just how damn amazingly great they were. These tracks were from before Emerson joined the group and ever since he left they haven’t really been the same. Maybe they should go back to the synthpop, it’s kind of popular again. Have any of these songs been played live since 1990? I love it when a band has the guts to totally transform themselves like these guys did, it’s like when Pantera ditched the glam or when Alanis ditched the…Canada.

Anways, the first three tracks are from the single to “Stand Up” and the mix of “Underneath The Radar” (which is HOLY SHIT good btw) is from a promo 12”. And although I love all of these songs, they all just remind that I love “Born Slippy .NUXX” so I end up cutting them off halfway through and putting that song on – so they ain’t that great.

Wang Chung
Everybody Have Fun Tonight (12 Inches Of Fun)
Fun Tonight: The Early Years
I got shit to say about Wang Chung dammit. I like Wang Chung! That’s right, I said it. I’ve always thought the band got a shit rap for this song, which is actually a pretty damn good pop song that holds up. And I mentioned this before, but I want to say it again – their soundtrack for To Live And Die In L.A. is a great underrated piece of 80s goodness (much like the movie itself) and you should check it out. This single is great because of the later track, which as the title suggest, is from the band’s early years when they were more experimental.

Holy Shit.

It’s been said that arguing on the internet is like the Special Olypmics. Even if you win you’re still retarded.

So, if you’re a Tokio Hotel/Jonas Brothers fan and you’re arguing about who is better what is that? Is that like winning the “most vegitative” contest at a hospice? Look, if you like Tokio Hotel or The Jonas Brothers enough to argue about them over the internet do the world a favor and kill your-okay that’s a bit harsh (but just barely), suicide probably ins’t the answer, but jesus…buy a damn Nirvana album. You obviously have some learning to do.

The Pogues
Yeah, Yeah, Yeah, Yeah, Yeah (Extended Version)
The Limerick Rate
The Good, The Bad And The Ugly
I love Shane MacGowan, he’s such a drunk that he was kicked out of an Irish punk band. He should start a new band with Slash, Michael Anthony from Van Halen and Iron Maiden’s Clive Burr. They could be called R.U.I. (Rocking Under the Influence). Of course, they’d only get one song in before they all collapsed on stage, but it would be awesome. The extended version of “Yeah, Yeah, Yeah, Yeah, Yeah” and “The Limerick Rate” are from a 12” single. Their version of the Morricone classic “The Good The Bad And The Ugly” is from my vinyl copy of Straight To Hell Soundtrack. This Alex Cox western is a fucked up classic and it has a killer soundtrack. For some reason the CD re-issue of it doesn’t have this killer tune by everyone’s favorite drunen Irishmen.

Pray For Rain
The Killers (Main Title Theme)
Money, Guns And Coffee
Speaking of the soundtrack to Straight To Hell…These two tracks were also on the original vinyl release but “The Killers” was chopped down by about a minute for the CD release for some reason, and “Money, Guns And Coffee” was taken off completely. If you watch Alex Cox films then you’ve heard Pray For Rain before, they seem to be his in-house band and have done the soundtracks for most of his movies.

Duck You Sucker – Original Motion Picture Soundtrack
I’m feeling Westerny tonight so let’s keep it up. Duck, You Sucker was the last western directed by Sergio Leone, who previously did the Man With No Name trilogy and the uber-epic Once Upon A Time In The West. It’s his least known western, probably because of it’s b-level cast and the admittiedly pretty stupid title. Like every other Leone film the score was provided by the ultra-prolific Ennio Morricone, who has done something like 80 bagillion film scores. It’s one of his odder pieces and while it doesn’t have the instantly recognizable hooks of his more famous work from The Good The Bad And The Ugly, it’s still a must have for western fans. It’s been out of print in the US for a while now. If you really like it though I recommend picking up the import version which includes an entirely alternate performance of the score. It also probably sounds a hell of a lot better than my recording of the vinyl, which is kind of scratchy.

I know who you are and I know where you live.

Okay, not really, but I do know how a lot of people find my site thanks to Statcounter. I use it mostly to track how many people come here (not many, but enough to keep me happy) and how they get here, (usually Hype Machine and Elbows). However, they do have a feature that allows me to see what search keywords lead people to my little corner of angst and remixes. That’s the part that scares the fuck out of me. Let me share with you some search terms that people have used to end up at my site:

crackheads
suck on it
turntable seen in indecent proposal
what should vampires eat
what was charlie sheen’s childhood fear

The first two aren’t that odd (although the fact that the people searching for them clicked on my site is a little bizarre) but the last three confuse me, and that last one makes my fucking brain hurt. What the fuck!? Who the fuck searches for that? Is Denise Richards looking for new ways to fuck with him? Seriously, what the fuck?

Enough of that bullshit, let’s move onto something less confusing, like experimental Icelandic music.

Sigur Rós
Rafmagnið Búið/Ný Batterí
Bíum Bíum Bambaló
Dánarfregnir Og Jarðarfarir
Fuck speaking it, Icelandic is a hard language to type.
Anyways, this is the last band I expected to talk about here (that’s not true, the last band you’ll ever hear me talking about is Starship). I am very much not a post-rock fan. I don’t like it now and I didn’t like it when it was called Shoegaze. I’ve tried to give Sigur Rós a chance before and got burned in the process. However, I guess I’m growing musically because after picking up a couple singles by the band a few days ago I find myself somewhat enjoying them. I still won’t listen to them while driving though, that would be suicide.

Okay, now I’m going to attempt to describe what these songs are and where they came from using the best of my abilities (and my copy/paste skills, because I am not spelling these bitches out manually). Rafmagnið búið/Ný Batterí is actually two songs, the former is an extended horn intro of the latter. I didn’t split them up because I couldn’t figure out when one ended and the other began. Once Ný Batterí gets going it’s identical to the album version. Both Bíum Bíum Bambaló and Dánarfregnir Og Jarðarfarir originally appeared on the soundtrack to the film Angels Of The Universe and as far as I can tell they never appeared on a proper Sigur Rós album. Please correct me if I am wrong about the information, but don’t correct me on the spelling of this shit or I will kill you.

Siouxsie & The Banshees
Slowdive (12” Version)
Obsession II
Cannibal Roses
The Last Beat Of My Heart (Live At Lollapalooza)
Overground (Live At KROQ Christmas Show)
One day Siouxsie and me will run off together and have big-haired children who sing fucked up Beatles covers. Until that day comes I will have to make due with obscure B-sides and live recordings. The first three tracks are from the 12” single to Slowdive and the last two are from a sampler that was given out to radio stations.

Depeche Mode
It’s No Good (Hardfloor Mix)
Slowblow
It’s No Good (Speedy J Mix)
It’s No Good (Bass Bounce Mix)
Slowblow (Darren Price Mix)
And tonight’s obligatory Depeche Mode post was brought to you by Spill.com. Okay, that’s not true, I just really like that site and like I said before my desire to talk about Depeche Mode is far less than my desire to continue to post Depeche Mode songs. The first four tracks are from the CD single of It’s No Good, so if you detect any turntable-related problems with those you’re an asshole. The last one is from a 12” It’s No Good single, for some reason that mix wasn’t on the CD single I had.

When I can’t think of a title for a post I just come up with a stupid rhyme associated with a song title or band name. I’m so damn clever.

Information Society
What’s On Your Mind (Pure Energy) (Club Mix)
What’s On Your Mind (Pure Energy) (The 54 Mix)
What’s On Your Mind (Pure Energy) (Percappella)
What’s On Your Mind (Pure Energy) (What’s On Your Dub Mix)
The best ever synthpop song featuring a sample of Spock. These remixes are from the 12” single and are the last InSoc tracks I’ll be putting up for a while so savor them forever.

I Am The World Trade Center
Shoot You Down (The Minority Report Remix)
Don’t You Want Me
The best ever synthpop band with the most unfortunate name in the history of music. The first is a remix of their cover of the song by The Stone Roses and the second, as you probably already know, is a cover of the classic Human League song.

Depeche Mode
It’s Called A Heart (Slow Mix)
Fly On The Windscreen (Death Mix)
The best ever subtitle to a synthpop single of all time is on the 2-LP version of “It’s Called A Heart” which is “Special Limited Edition Twin Set Costing No More Than Two Pounds & Ninety Nine Pence.” They weren’t fucking around with it being limited either, as The Slow Mix was never released anywhere else (unless you count the ridiculous iTunes “box set” that has a bunch of ultra-rare songs that are only available if you buy the whole thing for $170). However, I paid far more than 2 Pounds and Ninety Nine Pence for the LP set – at least I think I did – I don’t know what the conversion of dollars to pounds is right now.

I have to give props to another blog out there, and since everyone knows what an egotistical self-centered prick I am then you know that really means something. The guys at Trash Menagerie have taken it upon themselves are hosting The Noise Crew’s drastic remix of Portishead’s amazing new album Third. The result is Third Floor and it’s shockingly good. Go check it.

Okay, enough about other people, let’s get to back to me and my impecible taste in music.

Information Society
Lay All Your Love On Me (Justin Strauss Remix)
Lay All Your Love On Me (Restricted Mix)
Lay All Your Love On Me (Radio Hot Mix)
Lay All Your Love On Me (Phil Harding Metal Mega Mix)
Funky At 45
I am not an Abba fan. Never have been and unless I suffer some bizarre head trauma I highly doubt I ever will be. Strangely, I do like it when other artists cover their music. I own Erasure’s ABBAeqsue, and whenever I listen to it I have to immediately listen to Motorhead afterward to balance myself out. Anyways, I’ve always like Erasure’s take on this song, but after hearing Information Society’s take on it I’m going to have to say that theirs is even better. Now if they could just cover “Gimme Gimme Gimme (A Man After Midnight)” that would be amazing. In case you’re wondering, “Funky At 45” is the b-side.

Depeche Mode
Shake The Disease (Edit The Shake)
Master And Servant (Live)
Flexible (Pre-Deportation Mix)
Something To Do (Metalmix)
Sibeling
Enjoy The Silence (Ricki Tik Tik Mix)
Enjoy The Silence (Harmonium)
More from The Great Depeche Mode Purge of 2008. I hope to get the other 20 billion or so Depeche Mode tracks I have from singles and imports up here someday. The first four tracks are from the Shake The Disease 12” single and the last three are from the CD single of “Enjoy The Silence”. The Metalmix of “Something to Do” is one of my favorite Depeche Mode remixes, it’s not as good as the mindfucking wacky “The Dead Of Night (Electronicat Remix)” but it’s damn close.

Shelia E.
The Glamorous Life (Club Edit)
The Glamorous Life Part II
I’ve been strangely infactuated with this song ever since I discovered The Fever’s remake (and remixes) on their b-side to “Ladyfingers.” I guess I’ve been getting more and more into Prince over the past few months, and I should just break down and buy some of his albums already, I don’t even own Purple Rain but I own the single to “7”. I have fucked up priorities. The Club Mix is an extended mix and “Part II” is a dub version/drum solo.