Archive for June, 2015

Songs about Robots and Butts

Wednesday, June 24th, 2015

Tomorrow is me and my boyfriend’s six month anniversary.

You guys he’s so cute.

Eddie Murphy
Boogie In Your Butt (Remixed Extended Version)
Boogie In Your Butt (Instrumental)
Okay for starters let’s just get this out of the way: this is Eddie Murphy’s best song. “Party All The Time” sucks, and the less we talk about “Whatzupwitu” the better. If you’ve never heard “Boogie In Your Butt,” let me educate you. This song is nothing but a rap listing off things/places/people that should be…put in your butt, with Eddie Murphy occasionally commenting on the ludicrous and/or offensive nature of it all until he discovers the financial gains for doing so(???) at which point he eagerly jumps on the butt bandwagon, the buttwagon if you will.

It’s poetry.

Now, often when I share stuff I really like I say something like, “please support this artist and buy music of their’s that you can find commercially.” However, I’m not going to do that here. You like “Boogie In Your Butt?” Then do yourself a favor and don’t buy the self-titled debut from which it comes, unless you want to hear the opening stand-up bit “Faggots,” where Eddie goes off on how much he hates gay people for over two minutes. It’s actually not as bad as it sounds, and better than the homophobic shit on Raw, but it’s still hella bad.

Yeah, he apologized for it (weakly) but that don’t mean I gotta give him money for it in 2015.

Was (Not Was)
Robot Girl (LA Mix)
Robot Girl (£SD Mix)
I was trying to figure out how the hell I pair anything to “Boogie In Your Butt” but then I remembered that I had these Was (Not Was) songs and everything just fell into place. Was (Not Was), being a band that has performed everything, fit naturally with everything.

Posted in Eddie Murphy, remixes, Was (Not Was) | 5 Comments »

And Now It’s Time For a Breakdown

Friday, June 19th, 2015

I watch a lot of Todd In The Shadows (in fact I’m a backer of his show on Patreon and you should be too). Recently he did a “worst of” list where he tackled the clusterfuck of a year that was 1991. It’s a great video, and I suggest you check it out.

In the video, while decimating several lesser songs and genres of the era, he does briefly mention new jack swing, the hip-hop/R&B hybrid genre that was all the shit in the early 90s. He’s not the first person I’ve seen praise new jack swing as of late, and I highly suspect that it’s due for a comeback any day now. As such, you should check out these hot early-90s jams now and get ahead on the nostalgia.

Bel Biv DeVoe
Poison (Mental Mix)
Poison (Smoothed Mix)
I think few songs leave me as conflicted as this one. It’s undoubtedly one of the best tunes of the new jack era, with its sick production and amazing hook, but it’s also one of the most disgustingly sexist.

Of course, the idea of a femme fatale you should avoid isn’t entirely sexist on its own. There are plenty of toxic women out there and just as many toxic men. No, the song is sexist in explaining exactly why this woman is supposedly toxic, specifically with the line, “But I know she’s a loser (how do you know?)/Me and the crew used to do her.”

Ew. Ew ew ew ew ew ew ew. Ew. Gross. The term “slut-shaming” is thrown a lot (probably too much) these days, but never have I heard such a more concrete example. “This woman is a bad person because she has sex with a lot of men” is literally the message of this song. That’s just…icky.

But on the other hand “Never trust a big butt and a smile” is sage advice, so I’m torn.

En Vogue
My Lovin’ (You’re Never Gonna Get It) (Theo’s Cheaptrick Remix)
My Lovin’ (You’re Never Gonna Get It) (Hyperadio)
My Lovin’ (You’re Never Gonna Get It) (The Morning After Dub)
My Lovin’ (You’re Never Gonna Get It) (Extended Mix)
I desperately want to hear an extended remix of En Vogue’s “Free Your Mind,” which is entirely unfortunate, as no extended remix of that legendary song exists – how such a horrendous fuck up could possibly occur blows my mind.

I mean, don’t get me wrong, most of the singles from Funky Divas are great, but “Free Your Mind” is one of the greatest singles of the 1990s, hands down, no question. It’s a song that could have only been released in the early 90s as well, with its strong social message and cross-genre sound that wonderfully combines new jack swing with heavy metal, of all things. No producer currently making music has the gumption to try something that these days. Pop music sure does suck at the moment, largely because producers and performers are too afraid to take chances like this. Shame too, as there seems to be an overabundance of amazing singers in pop right now.

This song is good too.

Posted in Bel Biv DeVoe, En Vogue, remixes | 3 Comments »

I Bought Some 12″ Singles In Pittsburgh. You won’t believe what happened next.

Sunday, June 14th, 2015

That’s my attempt at writing a clickbait headline. If my Facebook feed is any indication this will be my most successful blog post of all time.

The Jungle Brothers
Freakin’ You (Caribbean Sunshine Remix by The Buffalo Bunch)
Freakin’ You (Michael Moog Monster Mix)
Freakin’ You (Album Instrumental)
My knowledge of The Jungle Brothers is scant and pretty much just limited to Straight Out The Jungle and some various 12″ singles that I’ve found over the years. I knew they always had one foot in the dance scene in one in hip-hop, but even then, this track surprised the heck out of me the first time I heard it. To me it sounds less like a hip-hop track and more like a late-90s big beat electronica tune ala Fatboy Slim or The Propellerheads. Makes sense that one of The Propellerheads produced it. Damn fine tune.

And damn I miss The Propellerheads. If you’ve never listened to Decksandrumsandrockandroll do yourself a favor and snag it, one of the greatest electronic albums of all time, that one.

Giorgio Moroder and Paul Engemann
Reach Out (Extended Dance Mix)
Reach Out (Instrumental)
Giorgio Moroder’s first studio album in 30 years comes out this week in Japan, and to celebrate I thought I’d share these remixes from a song that was featured on his last album, 1985’s Innovisions.

I should preface by saying that this song is bloody awful. It’s amazing that this was written by Moroder just two years after he wrote “Flashdance…What A Feeling” and just six years removed from when he won his first Oscar for the score to Midnight Express. The 80s were rough, man. No wonder he pretty much all but retired by the end of the decade until recently. Living high off that “Take My Breath Away” dough no doubt.

The singer on this track is Paul Engemann, who is probably best known for his far superior (but still corny as hell) Moroder collaboration “Push it to The Limit” from the Scarface soundtrack. The dude has done some other work though, by checking out his (obviously self-edited) wiki I discovered that he was a replacement lead singer for Animotion! The same wiki also points out that he married a former model. In fact, it points this out twice, but I guess he really wanted people to know that and I can’t blame him.

Side note: this song was the theme song to the 1984 Summer Olympics. I personally think it would have fit better as the theme song to a Saturday morning cartoon about Olympians who fight evil Eastern Bloc athlete/spies, but whatever.

Posted in Giorgio Moroder, Jungle Brothers, remixes | 4 Comments »

Mistaken U2 Remixes and More

Tuesday, June 9th, 2015

I took a week off work to recover from my excursion to America and that gave me time to go on an honest to goodness record recording bender, something I don’t think I’ve really done since I moved here. Felt good to sit in front of my computer all day and just listen to one 12″ single after another and then play a video game for three hours in a row. I need to dedicate one day a month to being a lazy anti-social bastard. I think it’s good for my psyche.

No more than one day though, I can’t spend that much time in my own head anymore without getting really upset about some of the stupid shit my head thinks up. My head is really stupid FYI.

Oh, speaking of my stupid head, I’m cataloging every version of every Madonna single. Check that out if you suffer from 80s remix OCD.

U2
Vertigo (Jacknife Lee 12″)
Vertigo (Jacknife Lee 7″)
Vertigo (Jacknife Lee 12″ Instrumental)
I’m gonna be real here and admit I bought this single because I mis-remembered “Vertigo” (a song I am impartial to) for “Elevation” (probably one of the few U2 songs I actually love. My stupidity is your gain I suppose! Enjoy – if you’re into this kind of thing.

Utah Saints
I Want You (New Orleans Edit)
What Can You Do For Me (Drill Mix)
What Can You Do For Me (Hard Mix)
What Can You Do For Me (Momo Beats)
What Can You Do For Me (Klub Mix)
No, Utah Saints, what can you do for me? I mean, I give and I give and I give and I get nothing in return. No love, no respect, nothing. You just won’t look away from your samplers for one minute and love me goddammit.

I don’t know what brought that on. Probably the fact that I have absolutely nothing to say about these remixes, which I actually do like quite a bit by the way. I should write more accusatory diatribes inspired by song titles.

No, you asshole, today is not the greatest day of them all, how dare you…

Okay maybe not.

Patrick Cowley
Megaton Man (Remix)
There are many different versions of this excellent electronic dance track, and I don’t know if this remix has an official name. I got it off of a French 12″ single, and I know it’s different than the version on Cowley’s album of the same name, and it’s also not the same version that’s on various Cowley or Megatone Records compilations, the running times don’t match up. Regardless, any version of this one is a good version, and worth hearing. It’s so unlike any disco that was coming out at the time, a perfect halfway point between the burgeoning electronic dance music of the late-70s and the synthpop that would dominate the better part of the 80s. No wonder the man was such an influence on acts like Erasure and Pet Shop Boys.

Posted in Patrick Cowley, remixes, U2, Utah Saints | 1 Comment »

Remixes from Three Dance Music Queens

Thursday, June 4th, 2015

I’m back! I’m back in Japan and I’m back to updating this blog. Sorry for the extended delay. Traveling across America seeing friends and family you haven’t seen takes a lot of you you it seems. Next time I hope to plan ahead a bit better and have content ready to go so I don’t go for as long with such a break.

I know I promised a big Madonna post tonight, but I feel like mixing it up a bit with some of the choice tracks I scored while I was in the states. Hope you enjoy.

Sheena Easton
Strut
Three Sheena Easton singles have stood the test of time in the popular consciousness. The first is “9 to 5 (Morning Train)” A lovely bubble-gum pop track about a woman who can’t wait to spend time with her man when he gets home from work. The second is this, an aggressive and awesome track that calls out sexist men who demand the same from all their lovers.

The third is “Sugar Walls.” That song is about her vagina.

I feel it’s safe to say that Sheena Easton has a rather diverse back catalog.

I’m not a fan of “Sugar Walls” (obviously, I have a boyfriend after all – OH SNAP) but I, at different times in my life, have been equally obsessed with both “Strut” and “9 to 5” so much that it’s hard for me to pick a favorite between the two. I will say that both are fantastic workout/jogging tunes, and I have to imagine that 1980s Jazzercise classes featured both in their workout mixes. I’d sign up for a spin class if it used mixtapes from 1980s workout classes.

Madonna
Everybody (Dub Version)
For the past few months I’ve been working on a massive project cataloging every single official remix of every single Madonna song. It’s just about done, and I hope to have it up on Mostly Retro in the coming weeks. It was far more complicated than I ever thought it would be. But I think the end result will be something worthwhile and helpful to all my fellow obsessive Madonna collectors out there. Until then, here’s a dub mix of Madonna’s first single – which has never been released on CD.

Sylvester
You Make Me Feel (Mighty Real) (12″ Ultimix)
You Make Me Feel (Mighty Real) (Radio Version)
You Make Me Feel (Mighty Real) (Dub Version)
You Make Me Feel (Mighty Real) (Acappella)
Fuck yeah Sylvester. Sylvester only had two mainstream hits in the states, this and “Dance (Disco Heat).” While the latter of the two was the bigger hit, I think today most people only know him for this song (it probably had more staying power than a song with “disco” in the title). That’s a damn shame, because he has so many amazing songs that I feel are just waiting to be rediscovered.

A decent greatest hits package (named after this hit) was released a few years ago, but I wouldn’t recommend starting with that. Instead, I would pick up All I Need (aka Do Ya Wanna Funk), his 1982 album that includes the legendary “Do Ya Wanna Funk” as well as the equally amazing “Hard Up” and “Don’t Stop.” That album is over 30 years old now and I still can’t think of much that sounds like it, such an amazing combination of Hi-NRG dance beats, new wave electronics and Sylvester’s one-of-a-kind vocals. Just all around awesome stuff. You can’t go wrong with it.

These remixes are from a 12″ single I picked up in Ohio of all places. The 12″ Ultimix is not the same as the 12″ mixes that are on iTunes.

Posted in Madonna, remixes, Sheena Easton, Sylvester | No Comments »