Archive for the ‘Joan Jett’ Category

These songs didn’t need dance remixes

Friday, May 10th, 2013

New on Mostly-Retro, a review of the amazing Blade Runner soundtrack vinyl re-issue, and a look at an INCREDIBLY stupid movie on Netflix.

And with that out the way, I now present the latest in my continuing efforts to share the dumbest music possible:

Collective Soul – Shine (Souza Mix) 
Queen – We Will Rock You (Bass Kicks Micks)
The Eagles – Heartache Tonight (Hell Freezes Over Mix)
Joan Jett & The Blackhearts – I Love Rock & Roll (Dance To This Mix)
The Breeders – Cannonball (Bass Line Mix)
Lenny Kravitz – Are You Gonna Go My Way (Rip That Guitar Miques)
Oh boy, these are dumb.

So in the 80s and 90s (and maybe probably today to a lesser extent) there were special labels that strictly released “DJ Only” singles and records. I think I wrote about these before. Typically, these releases would include special edits or mixes of popular tunes, or sometimes they would even include their own “megamixes,” saving club DJs the time and effort (and skill) of having to mix tracks together.

Most of the time these releases focused on “dance” tracks, or at the very least, rock songs with a strong dance focus. I’m sure there is an “Ultimix” record out there with an extended dance edit of “Centerfold,” for example. Also, in nearly all the cases I’ve come across, the songs are just mixes and not remixes. What’s the difference?

Typically speaking, a remix is a song that has been modified by someone who has access to the original masters. Remixers usually remove and/or drastically rework original aspects of a song, and almost always add their own elements as well. Remixes may also use different vocal takes or other outtakes by the original artist.

A mix, on the other hand, is more like a re-edit of a song. More often than not, mixers do not have access to the original masters, so they’re rather limited as to what they can change.  So all they really do is add in a couple extra breaks to the beginning and end of a song, throw in some new beats or maybe extend the breakdown in the middle, all stuff done to make the song easier for DJs to mix into another track, or make the song more dance-friendly. These tracks are all perfect examples of mixes, taking the original song, taking on some extra beats or basslines, and not much else.

That, however, does not make them any less hilarious. A dance mix of “Shine?” What the fuck? “Heartache Tonight?” Why? Who the fuck thought that was a good idea? I guess the hysteria from the then-recent Eagles reunion was fucking rampant.

(Side note: I remember when the Eagles reunion concert aired on VH1 that year, holy shit my dad was one stoked old white dude.)

So yeah, if you like dumb shit (and boy, if you don’t then goddamn are you at the wrong blog) then you should dig these.

And if you like The Eagles, fuck you.

Super Bowled Over

Tuesday, February 8th, 2011

So the dome of protection that protected Pittsburgh from the blizzard was apparently part of some black magic pact that cost the city the Super Bowl. Oh well, at least we don’t have to endure headlines about how Ben Roethlisberger somehow “redeemed’ himself because he won a fucking football game.

But lets not talk about that (alleged) criminal. Instead lets talk about some actual criminals. The Black Eyed Peas.

The halftime show.

Holy.

Shit.

Wow. I mean, I knew the Black Eyed Peas sucked. I’ve written extensively about that very subject. Their shittiness is nothing new to me. But even I was surprised as to just how hideous they were. How does that even happen? Didn’t anyone at the NFL know? Shit. Maybe they should start holding auditions for bands before they take the stage and aurally assault America. Anyone notice how even with the autotune they sounded like a shit sandwhich? That’s because in order for the robo-voice effect to work right you have to be able to hold a note. Sure, when Will.I.Am is in the studio, he can shit out horrible take after horrible take of the opening line to “The Time (Dirty Bit),” because he just needs to deliver one average vocal performance. But when he has to puke out some vocals live he can’t even fulfill the bare minimum vocal requirements in order to make an autotuned performance sound good. Of course, if he just would have rapped without any bullshit vocal modification he would have sounded fine. But no, motherfucker wants to sound like a robot.

As for Fergie. Ugh. I almost kind of sort of defended her the last time I went off on an anti-Black Eyed Peas rant. That was a mistake. There’s no defending her now.

Most people know about how autotune can make people sound like robots, but what some people might not know is that autotune’s primary purpose is to not be noticed, and to fix poor vocal performances in the studio. And what I took away from Fergie trying to sing live is that, well, she can’t. She is a product of studio manipulation. Sure, she can rap/sing-talk fine, but you ask her to hold a note or carry a tune and her true, talentless colors come through bright and clear. Yikes. Well, at least she didn’t piss herself on stage this time. So she has that going for her, which is nice.

Oh, and Slash? Fuck you and your shiny top hat.

Sigh. Remember when Prince did the halftime show? That was awesome. Prince should just do all the halftime shows from now until the day he dies. And then we should just get replays of those.

Gary Numan
My World Storm (12” Mix)
My World Storm (Instrumental)

Could you imagine a Gary Numan halftime show? It would be amazing! He could come out in a little go-cart and rock out some of “Cars” before going into “Are ‘Friends’ Electric?” “Me! I disconnect from you” and close with a bitchin’ version of “Metal.” Sure, only eight people in the world would want to see that, but shit, we’d be stoked! These tracks are from a 12″.

Joan Jett & The Blackhearts
Don’t Surrender (Extended Mix)
Don’t Surrender (The Most Excellent Mix)

Joan Jett’s halftime show would include her in a camouflage bikini top and leather pants. Then she’d beat the shit out of the entire defensive lines of both football teams.

John Foxx
Enter The Angel (Extended Mix)
Stairway

Foxx’s halftime show would…shit…I got nothing. It’s 2am. I should go to bed.

Highlights From The Light Of Day

Wednesday, June 10th, 2009

Light Of Day was a movie that came out in 1987 starring Joan Jett and Michael J. Fox as two musicians struggling to make it in the tough, no-holds-barred world of the Cleveland bar scene. It was a box-office dud that went nowhere and is remembered now more for its (out-of-print) soundtrack and that Trent Reznor is in one scene for about two seconds.

While the soundtrack itself is out of print, most of the songs on it were either from other albums to begin with or have since been included on other albums, so I’m not featuring the entire album, only some highlights that are still hard-to-find, as well as the title track, which is just awesome.

The Barbusters
Light Of Day
It’s All Coming Down Tonight
Rude Mood
All three of these tracks are credited to The Barbusters, which was the band in the film. “Light Of Day” is the stand-out, which makes sense since Bruce Springsteen wrote the tune. “It’s All Coming Down Tonight” is kind of meh, while “Rude Mood” is an instrumental blues song and a cover to boot, the original being by Stevie Ray Vaughan.

The Hunzz -Rabbit’s Got The Gun
Now, I’ve never seen Light Of Day, but I’m assuming that The Hunnz is a band that Joan Jett joins later in the movie, since she sings on this track too. The Hunnz are actually a band called Joined Forces, but I don’t know anything else about them.

Michael J. Fox – You Got No Place To Go
That’s right, Michael J. Fox decided to perform a song solo for the movie. It’s…not bad, but Fox’s vocals are about as strained as can possibly be for this one.

Rick Cox, Chas Smith, Jon C. Clarke & Michael Boddicker – Elegy
This is a quiet instrumental number that I’m betting closed out the film. It’s very minimal and I’m kind of shocked that it took four people to record it. Of those four the only one I recognize is Boddicker, he’s probably known to nerds as the composer of the Buckaroo Bonzai theme. He also is a session musician and has worked with Michael Jackson in the past.

In case you’re wondering the other tracks from the soundtrack were:
The Barbusters (Joan Jett) – This Means War
The Fabulous Thunderbirds – Twist It Off
Ian Hunter – Cleveland Rocks (Live)
Dave Edmunds – Stay With Me Tonight
Bon Jovi – Only Lonely

Get the live version of “Cleveland Rocks”, it’s bitchin’.