Archive for the ‘remixes’ Category

Dracula and Divine

Thursday, July 3rd, 2014

Writing about disco and drag queens. Listening to Yes.

Hot Blood
Terror On The Dance Floor
Soul Dracula
These are two tracks of horror-themed eurodisco that I ripped off of a 12″ promotional single. The “group” Hot Blood is really the alias of one Stefaan Klinkhammer, a German producer and songwriter who had a string of moderate hits in the late 70s in his native Germany. He was also apparently instrumental in the formation of the German disco/reggae(???) act Boney M. Sadly, he passed away in 2001. You can read more about him here.

In the great pantheon of gimmicky disco tracks, I think that the Hot Blood stuff that I’ve heard ranks somewhere in the middle. It’s certainly better than musical sewage like “Disco Duck,” but I don’t know if it’s as catchy and downright fun as a track like “Kung Fu Fighting,” which, by the way, is a pretty great song and Carl Douglas could sing like a motherfucker. I think what hurt this track’s mainstream appeal wasn’t its complete idiocy or it’s lack of any real structure (plenty of dumber, less-catchy disco tracks made it to the top of the charts – I just mentioned “Disco Duck” remember?). No, I think the real problem with this track is that it came out in 1977. That was a good year for disco, giving us “Don’t Leave Me This Way,” arguably the greatest disco song of all-time. It also gave us “I’m Your Boogie Man” – speaking of great horror themed disco – and you just can’t compete with that.

Hey You! (The Full and Frantic Mix)
Hey What! (Take It To The Max Mix)
Yes, the same Divine who ate dog shit in Pink Flamingos.

No, he (he preferred to go by “he” from what I can tell) could not sing. Although, I really don’t think he’s trying to on these tracks. It’s more like screaming, or maybe growling. It sounds like the lead singer from a death metal band trying to give disco a go. It’s pretty fucking intense.

I have Divine’s complete discography, and it’s really…something.

Acid House Live From Tokyo

Wednesday, July 2nd, 2014

In case you were worrying that all of the posts this month would be nothing but weird Japanese shit, don’t worry. I have plenty of weird British, American, Canadian, German and who the fuck knows what else shit for you all to enjoy too.

The Orb
Asylum (Andy Weatherall Blood Sugar Mix 1)
Asylum (Andrea Parker’s Bezirkskrankenhams Mix)
Asylum (Kris & Dave’s You Are Evil – But I Like You- Remix by Kris Needs & Henry Cullen)
Asylum (Thomas Fehlmann’s Mix)
Four Orb remixes = 30+ minutes of music. They’re all also drastically different from each other. I dig all of them, but my favorite is this radically-named “You Are Evil” mix because, yo, that shit sounds evil. It’s like someone took an ambient house track and dragged it through Aphex Twin’s basement or something. Brutally great stuff.

808 State
Olympic [Live In Tokyo, 29 June 1993]
10 x 10 [Live In Tokyo, 29 June 1993]
These are from the Tokyo edition of the brand new Zang Tuum Tumb compilation The Organisation of Pop. The album was released in three different regions, USA, UK and Japan, and each got an exclusive version with exclusive cuts. I really can’t tell you how different they all are because I haven’t gone through the hassle of comparing them all track by track, but from what I’ve gleamed, the Japan version wins in terms of exclusives, with awesome live cuts like these being a big reason why. I was shocked to hear how much “10 x 10″ works as a live cut. It’s just amazing.

If I can find the time and find it worthy, I might write up a full review on this in a week or so. I have to work past something I’m writing about Emerson Lake & Palmer first.

You heard me.

Cowley Disco Funtimes

Monday, June 9th, 2014

I’ts been an on my feet for 10 hours while getting backhanded compliments kind of day. Time for disco.

I (Who Have Nothing) (Short Version)
Take Me To Heaven (12″ Mix)
Lovin’ Is Really My Game (12″ Remix)
Living For The City (12″ Remix)
Sylvester is dope. Sylvester is dope. Sylvester is motherfucking dope. I don’t know how many times I can say that. Y’all know Sylvester right? You should. Cuz he’s dope.

I’ve posted Sylvester tracks more times than I can count at this point (okay, it’s been like five times or something) but I somehow never got around to posting these banging remixes, which I snagged from various Megatone Records boxsets and a random 12″ single.

Of these, the 10+ minute mix of “Take Me To Heaven” is the clear standout, but the 12″ mix of “Lovin’ Is Really My Game” is also killer. Shit, they’re all great. You need them in your life.

And in case you were wondering, the “long” version of “I (Who Have Nothing)” is the album version. It’s 10 minutes long. The “short” version is a far more conservative six minutes.

Paul Parker
Shot In The Night
Paul Parker was another one of Patrick Cowley’s cohorts, and while I expected to find out that he had passed away like most in the early-80s disco scene, I’m happy to report that he’s still keeping this fab torch going, releasing Hi-NRG music on his own label and everything! Way to go dude.

“Shot In The Night” is not “Lovin’ Is Really My Game” but it’s still a satisfactory tune that should generate a moderate amount of booty-shaking.

By the way the mega Depeche Mode post is coming soon.

Bananarama and an EMF song that isn’t Unbelievable

Sunday, June 1st, 2014

It seems like I haven’t posted a random selection of 80s remixes in forever. Feels good.

Venus (The Hellfire Mix)
Venus (Fire & Brimstone Mix)
Venus (Extended Version)
Venus (Dub Version)
I have no recollection of buying this, taking this home, cleaning this record, playing it on my turntable, recording it to my hard drive, editing the recording into MP3s or putting them in my iTunes library. I guess these remixes really made an impression on me.

Let’s be real here, combined these four tracks are over 30 minutes long – and I don’t think the world needed a half an hour of “Venus” remixes. And that’s coming from me, the guy who just spent 300 yen (thee bucks) on a Phil Collins remix EP just for the 8 minute version of “Take Me Home,” so I think it’s safe to say that I have a pretty high tolerance of superfluous remixes.

That being said, the “Fire & Brimstone” remix ain’t half bad, and the simple extended mix is pretty good too. The same can’t be said for the nine-minute “Hellfire” mix that just devolves into a series of handclaps (seriously) at one point. It sounds like someone fell asleep on the sampler.

They’re Here (Cenobyte Mix)
They’re Here (Mosh Mix)
Phantasmagoric (Remix)
I’m gonna be real here. I bought this 12″ single solely because of the name of the first remix, hoping that it would incorporate some Hellraiser samples. I was not let down! It also samples The KLF – so it’s doubly dope. Acid house for life.

The Second Biggest Madonna Post Ever

Sunday, May 4th, 2014

I got my computer ready to go (the solution to my grounding problem was to ignore it and just plug it in anyways, apparently) and my turntable hooked up! Everything is connected and my recordings actually sound cleaner than ever before because…I have no idea why but I’m going to run with it and be happy.

So yeah, I’m just going to dump the rest of the promised Madonna remixes so I can get them out of the way and move onto posting some hot new shit. Don’t worry, I’ll still post the Depeche Mode stuff somewhat soonish…ish.

Right now I’m listening to the soundtrack to Darius. On vinyl. I’m in a weird place.

Human Nature (Runway Club Mix)
Human Nature (I’m Not Your Bitch Mix)
Human Nature (Runway Club Mix Radio Edit)
Human Nature (Bottom Heavy Dub)
Human Nature (Howie Tee Remix)
Into The Groove (Shep Pettibone Remix)
Keep It Together (12″ Remix)
Keep It Together (Dub)
Keep It Together (12″ Extended Mix)
Keep It Together (12″ Mix)
Keep It Together (Bonus Beats)
Keep It Together (Instrumental)
Keep It Together (Shep Pettibone Remix)
Open Your Heart (Extended Version)
Open Your Heart (Dub)
Papa Don’t Preach (Extended Remix)
Rescue Me (Lifeboat Vocal)
Rescue Me (Titanic Vocal)
Rescue Me (Houseboat Vocal)
Rescue Me (S.O.S. Mix)
Sky Fits Heaven (Shasha Remix Edit)
True Blue (Instrumental)
True Blue (Remix Edit)
What It Feels Like For A Girl (Above And Beyond 12″ Club Mix)
What It Feels Like For A Girl (Paul Oakenfold Perfecto Mix)
Told you it was a lot. Have fun.



Monday, April 21st, 2014

A solution to my idiotic power problem may be en route, I’m talking to my landlord about it later this week. I’m sure I can get this shit together soon. I sure hope so, having my computer sitting next to me while I write this on my dinky little laptop sure is frustrating.

So…how yinz doing? I noticed that this past Saturday was Record Store Day. Everyone get everything they wanted? Or were thy screwed over my a manipulated market of manufactured scarcity built to capitalize off of a speculator-driven bubble that’s due to burst any day now and take down the vinyl boom with it?

Oh, sorry was that too harsh? I’m having some pretty mixed feelings on Record Store Day as of late, hopefully I’ll be able to put something a bit more organized and concrete about my feelings later this week. Arguing with boutique record labels really frustrated me.

In the meantime, here are some remixes to two of the greatest pop songs ever recorded. I’m going out of alphabetical order tonight because I fucked up it’s my blog and I do what I want to.

Express Yourself (Non-Stop Express Mix)
Express Yourself (Stop & Go Dubs)
Express Yourself (Local Mix)
Like A Prayer (7 Inch Remix)
Like A Prayer (12 Inch Club Version)
Like A Prayer (12 Inch Dance Mix)
Like A Prayer (12 Inch Extended Remix)
Like A Prayer (Bass Dub)
Like A Prayer (Churchapella)
Like A Prayer (Instra Dub)
Like A Prayer (Dub Beats)
The “Express Yoursellf” remixes were all taken from the 12″ single, while the “Like A Prayer” ones were culled from two different 12″ singles, one commercially released and one a club promo. Despite their similar names, all the 12″ remixes are different. They are also all worth hearing.

More Madonna and someone help me

Wednesday, April 16th, 2014

Okay everyone, a billion thanks, cookies, MP3s and hugs to anyone who can figure out this bullshit for me.

My computer from the US has arrived in Japan! Yay! However, its power supply is of the three-prong variety, meaning  I need a three prong power cord in order to plug it in. That’s not a problem, I can get those in Japan. However, since I am in Japan, all my outlets are of the two prong variety. I bought a few three-to-two prong converters, but there’s a problem with those. Those kind of converters have a little clamp attached to them. You’re supposed to screw them to your outlet to ground it correctly. See here for an example.

Yeah, that’s great except outlets in Japan don’t have those screws. And I can’t take the outlet off the wall because it’s attached to the drywall.

So what the fuck are my options? I’m really frustrated and pissed off about this, and equally frustrated that no one can explain to me WHY this is such a complicated problem. It’s 2014 y’all! We can build a solar-powered plane that can fly forever but we can’t build some sort of converter that can fucking ground a goddamn outlet? Why the fuck not? Why is this so complicated?! I’m half-tempted just to strip out my PC’s power supply and replace it with a two-prong one…if I knew how to do that at all.

So yeah, want new music on Lost Turntable? Solve this problem. How do I safely ground my computer with absolutely no possible way to ground it the way that every single poorly-written, idiotic, “you must be in America, right? So we’ll right this about American electronics only” guide fails to fucking mention.


Here’s a mediocre Madonna song.

Deeper And Deeper (Shep’s Classic 12 Inch Mix)
Deeper And Deeper (Shep’s Deep Makeover Mix)
Deeper And Deeper (Shep’s Deep Beats)
Deeper And Deeper (David’s Klub Mix)
Deeper And Deeper (David’s Deeper Dub)
Deeper And Deeper (Shep’s Deeper Dub)
Drowned World/Substitute For Love (BT and Sasha’s Bucklodge Ashram Remix)
I’m not really a fan of “Deeper And Deeper” but I am a fan of being a completist, hence me owning the 12″ single an the six remixes that came with it.

Madonnathon Day 1

Tuesday, April 15th, 2014

Madonnathon has begun. Over the next few days I’m going to post all the Madonna tracks that I had a chance to re-record before I took off for Japan, as well as a few surprises along the way, all in alphabetical order to make things easier.

I will not be reposting ALL The Madonna I’ve ever posted. I didn’t get a chance to get through all of the tracks before I left, so those hoping for remixes to “American Life” are out of luck. Also, if you want remixes of “American Life” what the fuck is wrong with you?

Ain’t No Big Deal
Angel (Extended Dance Mix)
Beautiful Stranger (Calderoe Radio Mix)
Beautiful Stranger (Calderone Club Mix)

Bedtime Story (Junior’s Sound Factory Mix)
Bedtime Story (Junior’s Sound Factory Dub)
Bedtime Story (Orbital Mix)
Bedtime Story (Junior’s Wet Dream Mix)
Bedtime Story (Junior’s Wet Dream Dub)
Borderline (New Mix)
Causing A Commotion (Silver Screen Mix)
Causing A Commotion (Dub)
Causing A Commotion (Movie House Mix)
Crazy For You (Remix)
A through C certainly starts things off with a high note, featuring a bevy of excellent “Bedtime Stories” remixes as well as simple-but-great extended mixes of classic Madonna tunes “Crazy For You” and “Angel” (my secret favorite early Madonna cut). The mix of “Borderline” might be the best of that bunch, however it is a little scratchy at the beginning. Sorry, I just couldn’t scrub that one clean.

The “Causing A Commotion” remixes are great too, but when I first recorded these back in the day I had to do a lot of editing on the file to fix some hellacious scratches, and in the process I probably heard the song about 1,000,000 times (give or take). As such, I think I’m forever sick of that tune. Can’t get sick of “Beautiful Stranger” though, that song is dope – definitely the best thing that ever came out of Austin Powers. Also, I don’t think ever posted these remixes (which I snagged off a CD single) so yay surprise new music.

Tomorrow is D through….D.

There’s a joke there about me having a lot of D but I’m tired.

Highlights of Pet Shop Boys, in Alphabetical Order (Day 3)

Sunday, April 13th, 2014

I’m writing this at work. Blogging in a suit is weird. I feel like I should be writing about the stock market or something.

Pet Shop Boys
One More Chance (New Remix ’86)
Opportunities (Let’s Make Lots Of Money) (Reprise)
Opportunities (Let’s Make Lots Of Money) (Original Dance Mix)
Rent (The Francois Kervorkian Remix)
Was It Worth It (12″)
Was It Worth It (Dub)
West End Girls (Extended Dance Version)
West End Girls (Dub)
What Have I Done To Deserve This (Dub Mix)
Where The Streets Have No Name (I Can’t Take My Eyes Off You) (Extended Mix)
You Know Where You Went Wrong (Rough Mix)
I may have organized these Pet Shop Boys posts in alphabetical order, but it’s pretty obvious that the best is the last. I guess the Pet Shop Boys’ best tunes just coincidentally all start with letters in the tail end of the alphabet. Go figure.

Amazing remixes of “Rent” (probably my second-favorite remix of all-time FYI), “West End Girls,” “Opportunities,” and “Where The Streets Have No Name?” No way I can pick a favorite. Sure, the “Rent” remix is one of my favorite remixes of all-time, but I think that “West End Girls” and “Opportunities” are both better (and certainly more fun) tunes.

I plan on getting at least two more posts up this week, and they’ll probably be the Madonna reposts, as they’re already organized and ready to go. So strike a pose.


Highlights of Pet Shop Boys, in Alphabetical Order (Day 2)

Wednesday, April 9th, 2014

My unexpected productivity streak continues! Although don’t expect the final installment of Pet Shop Boys mania until next week. Although now that I’ve said that watch me get it up and on the site by tomorrow evening.

In the meantime please check out my review of the new re-release of Cyndi Lauper’s She’s So Unusual. It’s a real shitshow of bullshit.

Pet Shop Boys
I Wouldn’t Normally Do This Kind Of Thing (Club Mix)
I Wouldn’t Normally Do This Kind Of Thing (Extended Nude Mix)

I Wouldn’t Normally Do This Kind Of Thing (Grand Ballroom Dub)
It’s A Sin (Disco Mix)
It’s A Sin (Remix)
Left To My Own Devices (The Disco Mix)
Love Comes Quickly (Shep Pettibone Mastermix)
Love Comes Quickly (Dub Mix)
Love Comes Quickly (Dance Mix)
A Man Could Get Arrested (12″ Version)
Miserabilism (Electro Mix)
Want a vinyl ripping pro-tip? Pick up a copy of the “It’s A Sin (Disco Remix)” 12″ single. It is the end-all be-all of test tracks. If you can hear the high-hats, the bass, and the subtle nuances of the thunder crash at the beginning of the tune, then congrats, your turntable is setup correctly. If not, don’t fret, it took me three years and probably a $1,000 in trial and error to get my shit sounding decent.

If you can’t already tell, my personal favorite of tonight’s tracks is the disco mix of “It’s A Sin,” a monster seven minute and forty-one second take on the already epic dance tune that really opens it up and exposes it for the dramatic, bombastic, ode to self-loathing (and disco dancing) that it is. I’m a fan.

One more post of Pet Shop Boys soon, so check back!