To the owner of Earth Pig Music,

Not all of the record stores I visited in Colorado were good, in fact some were downright bad – but yours is the only one that pissed me off enough for me to rant about it here.

Your store is a shit store. It’s such a shit store that I’m not going even to link to its site or mention what city its in (any poor unfortunate soul that wants to find it can use Google) The prices are shit, the locked-down display cases are shit and the you act like a shit bastard who always whines to his customers about his shit luck.

If I were to believe the shit that comes forth from your shit mouth, nobody buys records anymore and you can only stay afloat buy selling pot paraphernalia. Maybe if you didn’t cater your business to potheads you might be able to trust your customers, and not have to keep so much of your inventory under lock-and-key. You also say that you can’t have turntables for people to sample used records before they buy them because ‘people break them and they cost me $600.’ I don’t know where you are buying turntables, but if I ever spend that much money on one it better be able to blow me.

The most frustrating thing about your shit store is that it has the potential to be pretty good. Your selection isn’t completely awful, and you have a pretty good location from what I could gather – it’s your own stupidity holding you back. Your prices are so embarrassingly high it’s almost sad. Everything you sell is overpriced, from the new DVDS to the used records. Of course, if you let people sample the records before buying them (like every other record store in the world does) people might bite the bullet and shill out the extra dough, but since you’re convinced turntables cost $600 (what part of your ass did you pull that out of?) you’ll probably never give your customers that luxury.

And by the way, whining about how much your ‘Korean landlady’ screws you just isn’t professional at all. It makes you look like a seventh grader bitching about their parents not letting them smoke. The shit tales you spun about her were so tall (she ‘made you’ throw away half your inventory? Really? If that’s true then she’s not a bitch…you’re a fucking moron) I expected Paul Bunion and Babe the Ox to be involved.

Oh, and don’t brag about how much Pink Floyd stuff you sold after Syd Barrett died, that’s just tacky.

In despite of all these things you did have one record I had to buy, a BBC recording of a Joe Jackson concert. Lucky for you I’m a sucker for old-school Joe Jackson. I’m pissed that I ended up giving you some money, but the fact that I can rant about you shit store here, and save some other sucker 20 bucks by putting the album up for free, makes up for it.

sincerely,
The Lost Turntable

Joe Jackson – Live
Look Sharp
Cancer
Real Man
Friday
Breaking Us In Two
Chinatown
Target
T.V. Age
It’s Different For Girls
Steppin’ Out

This entry was posted on Sunday, July 30th, 2006 at 2:05 am and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.